|Reviews for Phoenix Hawk|
| maggiechat chapter 18 . 4/2
Sorry you stopped this story I was enjoying it and wondered how you would have everyone on the plane to survive. People are too critical in reviewing fan fiction. I liked you story and will miss seeing more stories about Potterverse.
| 1ori ann chapter 18 . 4/30/2015
Wow. I did not expect that. The story was well written. I, like probably many others, was hoping for them coming together. I never suspected this ending.
| Millie chapter 18 . 4/2/2015
It's a shame you decided not to continue with this story, giving some explanation as to who where and why. This was well written, enjoyable and very interesting. I stumbled on to it by accident and ended up delaying plans to read it. Thanks for a couple of very pleasant hours.
| Upkaran Singh chapter 18 . 3/29/2015
I liked the story. u should have continued it some more. anyways. .. best of luck for the next one. but consider any aspect if this story may continue some more like... they discover the land of origin of elves after the accident. .. they survived bt reached another world.
| Venpex chapter 18 . 3/30/2015
Disappointing. Might as well have tagged the story abandoned and marked it complete. Just seems spiteful to end a story like this.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 18 . 3/27/2015
Um, yeah, that was a rage quit. Sorry I got to this story kinda late (just got to it today) ... but despite the tantrum, I'll do my best for decent criticism.
For example, you have decent dialogue. The thoughts were good (I prefer italics for thoughts), and the general plot was pretty good.
One point of improvement I'd suggest is a little more buildup on the general activities. You have good pacing for the length of your chapters, but the average length was somewhat inconsistent. As an example for a potential fix (for wherever you write next, if you do), I try to write out as much of the story in advance as possible. Now, that doesn't work all the time; sometimes I have 2k chapters (thankfully only 2 in longer works), but I try for an average 5k overall. If it gets too long (12k), I go back, chop off at a decent place, and add a little to make it cohesive.
The names and places are good. Having Hedwig with chicks is an excellent idea. Had you considered using Buckbeak as well? The Hagrid description was good, particularly how you involved his voice tone qualities.
One thing for modification would possibly be the geography hopping. I think it's primarily due to chapter length, or maybe I'm skipping a lot ... not sure. Anyway, I would suggest taking more time with the travel, even if it's Apparition. A simple 'pop' is useful for the occasion, but a short description of the "squeezing tightness" helps round out the whole thing nicely. Not saying your description was bad, just giving my opinion on it.
Last thing, that close out sounded petty. Harsh, I know, but from my point of view, true. In all the previous chapters, I read no requests for better reviews, no statements on how the feedback was helping/hurting ... so how is it the reader's fault if they don't know to give feedback?
Hope you don't quit this story ... it has a lot of potential, and I did enjoy it. But you're right, it's your story. Kill it if you believe you must.
| anotherboarduser chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
I find the ending of the story to be disappointing.
It's like the author want Harry and Hermione to die, so they just cause something to pop out of nowhere to Harry in an nonsensical way.
The story may as well as ended with an out of control car accidentally swirl into Harry and Hermione on the sidewalk given the way the story ended...
Also, what about apparition... Harry's actions along with the timeline just doesn't really make sense or doesn't fit with the events well given the circumstances...
Things like this just makes the story feels unrealistic.
| novonia chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
Do you know I can guess that for every single person that comes on and leaves a bad review, fifty people read and at least gave their time to your story and perhaps even enjoyed it. When you just said 'fuck it' and killed off the characters that was you giving up and telling us that we're not worth your time and effort because we didn't stroke your ego and leave a review saying how we enjoyed the story.
For constructive criticism take this: I think the conflict with hermione/harry in the early chapters could have been a bit softer or perhaps you could have simply gave some extra words earlier in the story about how they parted with no warning or on bad terms. I think its silly for a security company to put someone on site that can detect imperious but has a policy where if they aren't paid or told its a service wanted they just let people go about with the curse in place.
I think harry paying for ron/ginny was wrong and a mistake that could lead to them pressing charges against him saying he wouldn't be paying if he wasn't guilty - I actually thought you would put that in with the conversation harry had with hermione about how bad it was at the end. Perhaps leading to their stupidity ending them in jail since harry could just pull out a pensive or truth potion to prove his story was the right one.
I feel you were cheap and it would have been much more appreciated if you had just said you were getting too many flames and bad reviews to continue and here are some plot points to show the direction the story was going to take and end.
I liked the owl and how harry was incorporating house elves, I would have loved to see ron/ginny bashing in more flashbacks and some actual romantic relationship with harry/hermione.
| starboy454 chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
this was an excellent story I can't see why you ended it this way but like you say it your story I guess you were tire of it good on your other story's
| HoosierCullen chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
I am sorry you had a bad experience with writing in this universe but I was one that enjoyed the story and was waiting for a reunion between Harry and Hermione in this and for it to end like this was a huge let down. I understand about getting negative reviews, got a few my self on my own fic which if you look at I have not updated in over a year. I think that a writer has the right to do with what they will their own work and you are no different. I just hope some time away will make you change your mind in coming back and possibly writing another HP fic or rewriting this one. I think you had a good thing here but I guess I am only a lone voice.
I wish you luck on your other works and only hope you change your mind from the one bad experience to try again. I will finish in saying Thank You for sharing your work and thoughts and good luck.
| bet7368 chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
Thank you for writing this story. Not the ending I thought might come . I'm sorry you didn't get the reactions you want to take the story another way. Good luck if you write more i will follow to see what you write next.
| bensdad chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
Well, that's a damn shame. I was very curious as to where this story was going. I enjoyed the relationship Harry had with his elves and was waiting to see some of Harry's post war back story and whether he and Hermione could ever truly reconcile. Well, Godd speed and good luck to you. Sorry you had such a bad time of it.
| Goundry chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
Brilliant, sorry to see you go as I was enjoying your story, but if you've got to go that's so much better than just abandoning it lol
| Beyondthesea16 chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
sorry to see you ending this story just because of a few jerks
| Brian1972 chapter 18 . 3/24/2015
Nice Harry is a gary-stue fic. He has special powers and of course outsmarted Hermione. Of course she has to accept that he is different after 5 years but he has not to go any step towards her.
This kind of Fics always make me ask what does the author think the ambitious and talented Hermione did all the time? And why does she fall for the guy who is constantly treating her this way. Reply he is behaving pompous like a Lockhard only with skill. A normal Hermione would have packed her things at some point and left the dig side. But what security company uses someone with his obviously poor social skills in this position. His expertise is of course welcome but they would add someone to his team who can do the talking for him ...