|Reviews for Urgent Delivery: The Chase|
| LilyRosetheDreamer chapter 23 . 8/9/2014
I definitely love this story! I always think "Okay, NEXT chapter will be when they rescue Shadow, awesome!" and then it isn't; that might frustrate me, but in a good way, because I know that the story is getting all the bolstering it needs. Seriously, I hope you finish this.
| SAOMNYIC chapter 2 . 10/29/2013
Your speeches for each character are actually a lot like my favorite sonamy fanfic writer. Usually I do not read the realistic type sonic stories because I want an different story for them, but you did good with keeping my attention
| SAOMNYIC chapter 1 . 10/27/2013
Hmph. That was a waste of my time.
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/7/2013
The next Simn Cowell.
| Sigh chapter 11 . 7/31/2013
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| Qwisse chapter 23 . 7/22/2013
And they still try to look cocky. Tsk.
Space... is not a main hero of this story, sadly. That's one pretty new face that should be fun to describe. Same goes to the satellite fleet: would be nice to learn more about the spacecrafts once the rocket gets closer. Hee... I wonder if there is a call sublime enough for a satellite operator.
Unless the ordeal ends with the whole Solar System dying in fire, it would be hilarious to see how the world reacts to G.U.N.'s actions. You can conceal a rebuilt of Eggman's base, you can create a legend for the rocket being sent into the Sun, but what can you say about N battle satellites floating on the orbit? In real world, there are pacts forbidding certain countries to have weaponry in space. In Sonic's world, Eggman had it, but he is a terrorist after all.
Measures to prevent more Eclipse Cannons and falling colonies from happening, perhaps? I find it funny how nobody bothered to destroy Eggman's robot arm with a satellite ray of death, instead using it to fry Knuckles. The echidna must feel flattered by such a serious approach.
Speaking of Knuckles, I wouldn't mind seeing a battle where all the combatants have to deal with zero gravity while still being outside the rocket. Must feel really awkward for everyone without magnets in their boots. Hope the silence didn't mean Knuckles had a chance to become the Earth's first living satellite... for a very short time.
The chestbusting scene was a surprise. I wonder if the robot realizes he still has to somehow escape a rocket flying away from the planet, all while carrying whatever stuff he is planning to retrieve. Is he capable of Chaos Control or something?
["Hey, look up! It's priority one-point-five!"]
That one made me cringe. An overused plot device, and I'm not sure it should be there. Can't a kick be dealt without the nose facing upwards?
On a more technical side: how can the com recognize Sonic's words if there is no air around?
| PawPrintsMeow chapter 1 . 7/13/2013
Lord Kevin I know everyone has the freedom to speak there mind...but when you express yourself you come off really rude. Such comments only discourage writers to write instead of helping them to improve. Sorry if I offended you but please think before you write comments.
| Qwisse chapter 22 . 7/7/2013
According to plan, huh?
Forgot that the heat attack from Sonic Adventure ever had a name. I find it curious how Knuckles, while never being a rightful pyrokinetic like Blaze, could use fire attacks in various games. While Vector spitting fire gum bubbles looks more like the game developers' weird joke, Knuckles burning his enemies frequently could appear a part of the abilities being the echidna and the ME guardian grants him. Wonder if his gloves are as fire-proof as they are mud-repellent.
A bit ironic how the ancient echidnas, being naturally good swimmers, themselves fell victims to water and fire combined.
No idea if the ME actually has its own energy to offer to either a living being or a machine; by the work of it, it sounds more like an energy vacuum rather than a source of it. Unless it does have some sort of energy that dissipates upon touching that of the Chaos Emeralds, not unlike interaction between matter and anti-matter... that's a tricky matter, in fact.
Forgot about the satellite, too. Good job on using your plot devices to the max. Maybe we'll even see Big the Cat drifting by in outer space.
[he heard the hedgehog's tired breathing in his ear]
Distant breathing in an invisible ear. Sounds surreal enough to match a transparent battleship with an inexhaustible supply of ammo.
Was a good read. Now I'm starting to imagine what could be the source of Stingray's Chaos powers...
| yellowmaltese chapter 1 . 6/22/2013
The beginning of the first couple of paragraph could potentially leave numerous amount of readers in their perplexed world as wordings and details are a bit hyperbole, meaning too much exaggeration. The rating in this content specifically states that it is T which means that in usual circumstances, this story should be okay for audience 13 and up. You are not writing a college or a PHD report. It is good to try to connect with your audience with various types of ages meaning that usage of large vocabulary does not always equal good story. In fact, concise sentences would also be better which is the reason why is very respected in terms of the author's ability to connect with young children. Again, difficult wording is not needed because it simply puts your story unattractive and can be a put off for a lot of readers in this website.
Second, the information about Little Moth should be explained a lot better with specific details. Is Little Moth a machine? Is it a person who is sent to capture Shadow? Even with a tedious effort, you can evade the vagueness that you managed to horribly capture in the first paragraph by thoroughly delineating who is Little Moth aside from the fact that it has something to do with Shadow's capture.
Also there is a sentence mistake that could be enhanced in order to make the flow of the paragraph a lot better. In the sentence, "Knowing the Ultimate Life Form lay suspended several metres behind him was the crux of the matter." This sentence looks like a weak mixture of dependent and independent sentence which is considered to be a poorly written sentence. There should be a noun indicating who is doing the "knowing" or better yet, erase this sentence to make it an active sentence.
Another example with the sentence structure error is, "Which was why Little Moth wore tinfoil underwear that day." It is commonly known in the English Literature that you cannot start with the sentence which was why because this sentence cannot stand alone so therefore it is not seen as a independent sentence.
Other parts that greatly annoyed me was the fact that this story consistently assumes that readers should know a lot of background details and characteristics about Sonic characters. It is very bad for you to assume that people who are reading this story know the characters well. My proof from this statement is that in the part of the story where you said, "Elsewhere, a familiar blue hedgehog used a different technique to keep aware of the big picture. Tails wanted to go with him, but Sonic insisted on keeping the fox in charge of the math back at the workshop." If I were to be a person who did not know Tails very well to a high degree, I might ask myself why would Sonic leave math stuff to tails? Another bad language to note is is that you cannot be in charge of math. I believe you wanted to say Tails should be in charge of math calculations or perhaps blue prints that require math knowledge.
Here is another and yet shameful sentence error that involves ambiguous sentence. In the part where you said, " Tails frowned at his inability to figure GUN out. Capturing Shadow wasn't as difficult as the military would have wanted the public to believe, so HE couldn't see the point behind the crater.: The term HE where I kindly capitalized in your quote could refer to either Tails or Shadow and this can leave many readers in shock and confusion in terms of reference. I suggest you should fix this before such frivolous mistake can affect the entire story in the long run.
As a result, this first chapter seemed to be a idiosyncratic way of putting more words that have meaningless parts in the story plot as a whole.
My suggestion is that the first chapter or more importantly, the first paragraph should say something that can easily capture the reader's attention in order to make them keep on reading. Remember back in middle school when teachers tell you do make your opening interesting so you don't lose readers' interests? That same concept applies here as well.
Just because this is a fanfiction website, you cannot post such messy nonsense and expect readers to figure their way out because it would be wasting their time trying to comprehend this story. Simply put, it failed to attract reader's attention
My other helpful advice is to redo this first chapter and slightly reveal some interesting plots.
Have a great day filled with joy and happiness
| Qwisse chapter 20 . 6/11/2013
Well, when there's something nuclear involved in a story, the end of this something is a bit predictable.
This chapter feels more like a preparation for something bigger to come next. What can follow after a nuclear explosion? Almost anything, huh, depending on the speed the characters move with. Hope Tails and Rouge had enough of it. And you know, I'd really like to imagine Eggman's face the moment life happened to his arm.
A1's action came as a surprise. Had thoughts more akin to those of Mighty Moth... mostly because I didn't know about the vessel. Well, unless Eggman somehow managed to retrieve the contents beforehand, for him the collision meant losing two weapons in one go. Would have made G.U.N.'s day some other time, I suppose.
Forgot that the planet was Mobius in this story, by the way. Station Square on Mobius... The game fan in me is hurt.
| Qwisse chapter 19 . 5/30/2013
Ah, those hedgehog-licking electric surges.
There was one fun part for me at some point. Like, "Hey, choppers. Oh, oh, I know! A1 will drop Sonic on the blades and load Knuckles with fresh hedgehog mince! Oh, bullets. ...Okay."
Some wild action is taking place here. I had to read through the previous chapter to make sure there was a metal arm, and through the beginning of this chapter to make certain it still was there. The part with the chase would look awesome in the upcoming game, I think. Sonic running on a circular rail floating in the air, smashing random metal stuff, with deadly everything everywhere around him. Fans would squee in delight.
Liked the part involving the ME's role in the events. For an object that almost has a mind of its own, taking part in the fun sound reasonable enough.
Didn't quite get what was wкong with Tails, though. Man, I would definitely need to re-read this from the very first chapter when it's done...
| Qwisse chapter 18 . 3/4/2013
Er. That awkward moment when a god escaped from the machine, and it doesn't look scary.
For once, I feel more sorry about nameless dead scientists than the main heroes stuck in another mess. An insightful chapter read slowly and with less delight than action scenes. Like gathering your own teeth on the floor would feel. Caught a sight of the rocket's double contents, but, honestly, I'd like to just see how it all actually ends instead of doing the guesswork once again.
Made me remember a book where humanity was put in jeopardy because of a nearby star ready to explode.
Also, how come there was only disgust on Sonic's face, not accompanied by third degree burns? You know, melted trash bins and all that.
| Creepy-Pasta chapter 17 . 2/26/2013
This is intense! Keep up the good work! )
| Qwisse chapter 17 . 2/19/2013
Interesting how all the fun always goes on next to a nuclear something ready to go boom.
When Eggman arrives, it sure will be more than a plain boom. Knew it wasn't the end of Metal Sonic. Priority one hedgehogs hail straight from SatAM!
Chuckled at Eggman not caring about the look of his bases, as well as the engineers being more brave than people with guns. GUN definitely should organize some kind of martial art courses or something for them; maybe they'd be more effective. Or were they acting so because they already knew the birds were gone? Well, I'm really looking forward to seeing how everyone is going to leave the place.
What actually happened to A3, by the way? Plain 'gone' doesn't sound too scary.
| Qwisse chapter 16 . 2/7/2013
Looks like someone's perfect play has gone awry.
I don't know why, but this chapter reads with more excitement compared to the previous two or three, even despite an anvil made of technical stuff at the beginning. Things speeding up and gaining more tension during the final rush towards the finale, perhaps? Was pleasing to see the situation from several points of view in one chapter.
Also amusing to see things going wrong for not only one party at once. Not that I can figure everything out yet, but it's exhilarating to watch the struggle.
Chuckled at the firing code incident. Some real-life trolling, no?