Reviews for More Than One Laurel
Kunohichi8 chapter 1 . 12/2/2014
Poor Spidey... So hot!
go.suck.on.a.lemon chapter 1 . 3/8/2014
Umm, hot damn.
Scarlett chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
I think I came...a water park.
Trubie74 chapter 1 . 5/8/2013
That was flippin amazing! I just wish there was more!
mocahuma chapter 1 . 5/1/2013
Nicely done not sure if I like the perspective. At times it got a little confusing mainly when steve entered peter but overall love it beautiful description in most sections of the story definitely on my favs list
WhenYouReady chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
The story would be better if you used "I" instead of "you" since it a pov of spidey and I wasn't really getting into it as i wanted to, To make it better, you should had used "spiderman" and "peter parker".

Some friendly advice, that's it
Jacky Writer chapter 1 . 10/13/2012
Hey!

I like your fic but...

The whole "you" thing was a huge turnoff for me. Whenever I read 'you' I stumble a bit instead of getting into the story. Like the summary is talking about three people (Tony, Steve and Peter). You were obviously writing in Peter's perspective, so why didn't you say...

I took a sip; it's hot but tastes like it might be hot chocolate.

So in a way you are stepping into Peter's shoes and thinking like him (I think). But when you use the word "you". You defeat the purpose of it being a Tony/Peter/Steve story. When I read it, it really feels like a Tony/OC/Steve story. There were few times during the story I wanted to stop reading because of the overuse of "you"

Well that's my main problem in the story. I'm not trying to be the bad guy and say your story suck because I like it. I see potential but "you" killed it. I read your other story and they are good. So why is this the only fic with overuse of 'you' or is that the theme?

If it is, sorry for giving you this advice ;

Anyway Cheers,

Jacky
AvisQuest9513 chapter 1 . 10/13/2012
Loved it! :D
Dulcis Cantio chapter 1 . 10/12/2012
Wow.
dawnhallj chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
Oh. My. God. That was just...too hot!
MeLaiya chapter 1 . 10/3/2012
I loved this, I wonder why it doesnt have many reviews. Whelp. Keep up the good work and update soon.