|Reviews for Unlimited Dreams|
| Anon chapter 3 . 12/7/2012
Again, I'm surprised. he's still not in Gensokyo yet, However, I'm pretty sure I now have a feel for how he's going to get there. This one felt more Patchouli Centered then the MC this time around, which is alright in my opinion. However, it felt like you may have slowed way down, You probably could have added more to it this time around. But I won't complain. It's still good, that's for sure, but you might actually want to try to pick up the pace next chapter. Let's also see a little more of the Characters that Your OC Interacts with on a day to day bases.
I give this chapter a 3 stars out of 5.
I hope to see more soon.
| Duwee Davis II chapter 1 . 11/28/2012
Hmm, because it's in my nature to nitpick, I will start by pointing out some grammar errors. We all do them, so I'm not insulting you, I'm just helping you correct 'em.
'All human beings are also dream beings, for dreaming tie's all Humans together'- 'tie's' needs to be 'ties', and 'Humans' needs to be 'humans'.
'A dream you Dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality'- once again, capitalisation error. Second 'Dream' along.
'Throw your dream's into Space like a Kite, and you do not know what you will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love.'- 'dream's' into 'dreams', 'Space' into 'space', 'Kite' into 'kite'. A good way to approach apostrophe use is this: plurals do not need apostrophes, but possessives and shortening 'is' does require apostrophes, with the exception of the possessive for 'it', which is simply 'its', while 'it's' means 'it is'. I mean the latter mistake an awful lot in my earlier writings, it's understandable.
'No, it was the fact that the teacher kicked his chair, causing it to scoot a few inches away from his desk and causing his head to fall off the hardwood that did the trick' Just missing a full stop/period.
''"Class has been in session for about 40 minutes. You even answered a question not but 20 minutes ago!"', there's no need for the 'not but'. Either 'not' or 'but' will suffice.
' God, how you manage to get straight A's in Psychology even though you sleep through the whole class is beyond me…"'- Straight As, not A's. I know it looks wrong, but... hell, that's the english language. It's weird as hell.
'Harrison pushed himself off his podium and crossed his arms'- needs a full-stop/period.
'"He he… your funny Elva, you know that?"'- 'your' should be 'you're' when it's short for 'you are'.
' "Your lucky… I wish I had something like that growing up. I mean, 18 years and you have had the same dream over and over again? It's pretty cool if you ask me…"'- once again, 'you're', not 'your'.
'Remi huffed with pride at her explanation of her friends supposed problem, not finding anything wrong with her own logic.' 'friends' needs a possessive apostrophe, so it's 'friend's'
'experimentally sipping the contents and thus the temperature.' Maybe it's just me, but this sentence rubs me the wrong way. Perhaps 'experimentally sipping the contents and thus sampling the temperature.'?
'"No, I don't think so"'- is missing a full stop/period.
'"I changed my mind. Go and get me some Chamomile tea if you would"' needs a full stop/period.
'"Yes, thank you for that fun fact, but I am well aware of what that tea does. Now please go and get it for me"'- ditto.
'"What Koa? Spit it out"'- ditto.
''"Well, I think that you might be spending a little too much time sleeping instead of researching magic. I thought that was the main goal of all your research. I just find it a little odd that you spend much more of your time in the dream world then in the waking world"'- ditto.
'She started to let her thoughts wander as she drifted lazily along'- ditto.
''well… it would be useless anyway since I don't know any dream reading spells… wait a second''- ditto, also, capitalisation required at the beginning of the sentence.
' masters privet thoughts'- spellchecker won't pick this error up. You meant 'private', not 'privet'. 'Private' means 'personal, secret', 'privet' is a botanical term for hedgerows and the likes.
'"Andrew… are you feeling ok?"' Either capitalise 'ok' to make it 'OK', or spell it phonetically, ie 'okay'.
'Elva was the first to break the long moment of silence'- full stop/period. Again.
'The youth shook his head a second, as if to see if he wasn't still sleeping'- ditto.
'"It's about 4:20. I think you need to head home. Try to stay active or something. I think all this sleeping is doing something to your mind"'- ditto.
''Really? Now that's sounds interesting… you and I have a lot to discuss later… Koakuma''- ditto.
Now that all my mean duty as a constructive critic is out of the way, time to be nice. The very concept of this fic is wonderful, it's truly a ZUN-esque idea that anything that exists in the realm of fantasy or dreams also exists in Gensokyo, to the point where Gensokyo could be considered a 'dream world'. This is embodied in 'Wild and Horned Hermit', where it's revealed that the reason Nuclear Fusion works in Gensokyo is because the scientific theory of 'Cold Fusion' has been dismissed as fantasy by the scientific community (it really has, too) and thus is possible in Gensokyo.
On another note, I like this Andrew guy. Being friends with his teacher, only having one friend his age... it instantly puts him as someone who's a little... off compared to people of the outside world, and most people in Gensokyo are just that... a little... off. I imagine his interest in psychology will ultimately lead to Koishi having a field day with this guy, heh heh.
I'll get round to chapter 2 when I can, but this is Duwee Davis, signing off for the time being. Good luck with your writing!
| Wolfsbane706 chapter 2 . 10/11/2012
Patchy may be coming into three new assistants when the business with Eientei is over with.
| Nicolas Crossworth chapter 2 . 10/10/2012
Hmm, so far so good, though I couldn't really judge it with only 2 chapters. Keep up the good work and here's a seven star for your hard work!
| Anon chapter 2 . 10/9/2012
I will Admit, I was expecting him to already be In Gensokyo this chapter. I am pleasantly surprised. Now on to the actual review. Better I must say. You did indeed flesh it out better, however, I feel that you my have sacrificed some speed to do so. Not that I am complaining about that. slower chapters tend to keep me coming back, but I'm not sure what others would say about it. I goofy little chapter, but not overly hilarious, I'm not sure what it is you'll be aiming for, but it doesn't feel like it's picked a direction to go in just yet. all in all, I would give you a 4 star for this chapter.
| Wolfsbane706 chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
Very interesting. How's Koa gonna handle being stuck in sombody's head, I wonder?
| Anon chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
Huh, that was an interesting start. I want to see where you go from here before I make any kind of judgment, but if you need star, then I would give you a 3 as of right now. The intro was pretty good, and the conclusion was also done well, but some of the content didn't feel fleshed out enough. But I'll reserve all my true judgments for when you come out with chapter two.
Hope to see you there