|Reviews for Revenge of the Chemist|
| dreams and desperation chapter 1 . 9/9/2015
NGL, this is not the story I was expecting to see...
"Story removed for editing. Will return soon.
3rd December 2013."
I literally just typed the whole thing out in a review...
Anyway, this made me laugh a little too loud, honey. I like its uniqueness - I have never quite seen a story like it before.
| public enemy no. 5 chapter 1 . 11/7/2013
i have never seen this concept before so, props to you for originality /nods
this was definitely a very creative way to kill someone, kind of like beetee and haymitch did with their games! i think district 5 was power? i'm not sure, but it figures that they might have basic chemistry/physics training to be able to perform their jobs, but this... this is some totally badass chemistry! i have no idea how all these elements figure into each other, or if you can even create this kind of reaction, but it was well-written and creative and lovely as always, luce!
also, thumbs up for the element names ;D
| 567zoock67 chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
Wow, this was a fabulous piece of writing! Even more weird...I actually understood half of what was going on...haha, I guess the science is still a bit too complicated for me to understand.
The characterization was good, and I got a sense of Selenium even from this short extract. I see her as straightforward, accepting of the truth, sly, smart and manipulative character. However, I felt in some places, the writing seemed a little rushed. As if there's not enough description given, and the piece is trying to hurry over to the climax. I think a few odd lines of description here and there would really help this piece.
Also, the names are fitting, but a little too blunt. Perhaps more subtley, or you can swap around the letters of the chemicals on the periodic table a bit to get their names? Or replace letters with similar sounding letters in the alphabet, like Kalcium instead of Calcium. Or Celenium.
| Thargelion chapter 1 . 10/25/2013
first of all, i couldn't find any spelling or grammar errors.
second, holy shit this is original... i'm not sure how you'd get the acid (but i'm failing science, so i'm not one to nitpick about that...)
third, the characters were all OCs, but they were very real-sounding. selenium's hysterical-ness talking to cal was very realistic.
fourth, what can i say? the writing was great.
| McJunker chapter 1 . 7/3/2013
Ha! That was pretty freakin' cool.
It almost kinda reminds me of the old folk tales where Br'er Rabbit or Coyote would come up with a cunning plan to trick people with malicious pranks. Half the time it would backfire on the trickster, though. I'm guessing that Hunger Games history is full of clever District five tributes whose plans didn't work.
I don't think this story really fits well into a one-shot of this length. I reckon that with some more time invested this could have been a two or three parter. One chapter to set up Cal encouraging Selenium to fight with her brain. One chapter of Selenium in the pregames trying to convince the judges to give her something to work with. And the last chapter with her spiking the water bottles.
Just a thought. You came up with a plot bigger than the story was, and that's always better than the other way around.
| lydiamartins chapter 1 . 7/1/2013
the formatting's a little strange, and even a little chunky and some places, but overall it was a very interesting read; i really like the names of your characters, estoma! they seem very hunger games/capitol-esque, so that's definitely a good thing. the dialogue in the beginning of this is single spaced, and i think that it's supposed to be double spaced, but there's no other format errors. the idea of the tributes using science to be able to win the games is very nice, and i think that i'd like to see more things like that; that people could win the games with intelligence rather than their weapons (brawn vs. brain, that whole battle kind of thing). i really love the character of selenium, and what she was able to do to win the games. i also like the character of calcium; their names are sososo unique, but really good. i think this is a one-shot, so hopefully, you'll post more stuff like this?
| persevera chapter 1 . 6/13/2013
I love the names of your characters. I almost wish there were more of them to hear what names you'd give them.
[You're crazy. If they gave us what we wanted then we wouldn't be here!"]- I like Silver's logic, even if she is blonde. It's funny how differently the tributes seem to approach the games. Fallon sees it almost as a legacy, whereas for poor Silver in her Games, it's just a death sentence.
Calcium is a clever guy, wanting to protect his girl. Did the tributes have consultations with the gamemakers?
Did she carry a car battery in her backpack? It's interesting that she hurt herself in the process of preparing the acid water. She won't go away unscathed.
[out of the covered of a shattered library and covered the open ground]- Of course in this sentence, I believe you meant cover, rather than covered, and you used the same word twice. Was that intentional?
It would have been an interesting sight, but I don't know if it would have been considered good viewing to the Games enthusiasts, to see a victor spotlighted with her head covered in fear at the sound of the cannons.
There probably won't be a lot of repeat viewings of that one.
| marblesharp chapter 1 . 5/25/2013
The formatting here is a bit weird - your dialogue in the beginning is single- rather than double-spaced. Probably caused from how you uploaded? Not a major issue in the least, just something I noticed that can defer readers.
Anyway, the story! Tributes winning using science to win the Games? Neat. I don't know enough about chemistry (that's next year :P) to know that this was impossible, but it's definitely interesting. Poisoning water is a clever and terrifying idea since everyone needs it and no one's going to think there's anything wrong with it if it's bottled.
And there's certainly something to be said about how Selenium's ruining all her water, and if her plan didn't work and the Careers didn't find them, she'd be screwed.
Her boyfriend's comment about her being smart despite being blonde was kind of mean. It could have just been a joke, instead. Did he mean the audience didn't expect her to know how to use her district industry to her advantage because she's blonde?
Some spelling errors:
Justice Building is capitalized in the series, but you have it lowercase here.
There should be a comma, not a period, if the dialogue has a speech verb tag. So it'd be "'Stop crying,' he commanded."
| RussianDestruction chapter 1 . 5/16/2013
Being tapped out on Depraved and Devious (update, dang it!) I was checking out a few more of your fics that caught my interest. One of them was this one, and I was hooked right away because of their names. I love love love that you actually named the characters for chemicals! So clever, and so in theme with the plot. Selenium, Arsenic, and Bromine. Genius. And to top it all off, those all actually sound like they could be names from HG. (Especially Selenium.)
“Cal, short for Calcium” made me gigglesnort.
Have to have some humor amidst the horror of it all! HG fics tend to be sad, of course, due to the subject matter involved, but this was especially heartbreaking: “They were intelligent enough not to think there was a chance of return. Not for a tribute from District 5.” That really sums up the despair in Selenium.
Selenium's sudden hysterical giggling in the midst of the goodbyes to friends and family was realistic and relatable. Sometimes the human body reacts strangely to stress and sorrow, and this captured that perfectly.
“Because you're smart even though you're blonde.” Lol.
Whew. I was worried they'd catch the fact that the locket wasn't just a locket, and confiscate it. How clever of Cal to give her that.
“top few centre metres of water” should be “centimeters of water” :)
I just loved that she won this way. So clever, and so effective! I bet the Capitol audience has never seen anything like THIS before!
It would be a bit easier on the eyes if each line had an extra space between. As it is, it's a bit block-y, which makes it harder for the eye to stay focused. Also, when you switch from the past to the present (her in the arena) it would be good to have an actual line ––––– dividing the two. I use that handy dandy line all the time. I know you double spaced it to distance it from the “before” section, but the line would be even better.
| starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 5/16/2013
I have no idea about chemistry, so I can't comment on that, but this was a lovely oneshot.
I love the names you've chosen for the District 5 Tributes, they're very in keeping with the naming patterns of the districts.
I also love the comment on how the gamemakers provide equipment in the Arena. There's no chance that they'd ignore a chance to make their Games the most entertaining ones ever - I'm sure they have some kind of competition about that or something.
The ending was lovely, especially the way that Selenium doesn't realise that she's the Victor because she was too busy not being killed to keep track of how many other Tributes were left in the Arena. I think it really shows how desperate the Tributes become for survival in the Arena that winning is the last thing on their mind - I don't think that they equate surviving with winning, apart from the Careers, of course.
This was a lovely one-shot, and a lovely look into the Games' past.
Well done :)
| AC chapter 1 . 4/28/2013
| angels entwined chapter 1 . 4/17/2013
It's time I reviewed this. :P
Perhaps Selenium killed you for the chemical impossibility, but I don't know anything about said impossibility, so. I liked this fic - the style was simple and concise, and not too complex a plot. Oneshots should never be complex. I like the title; it gives me a kind of horror-movie feel.
I also like Selenium's characterization. (And her name.)
My only critique would be the formatting; the paragraphs are too large for me to have comfortably read (but I heard it was good, so I read it) and the first part with the dialogue wasn't spaced correctly compared to the rest of the paragraphs.
| M. Cooper Jinks chapter 1 . 4/4/2013
This was fun! I loved the names. "Cal, short for Calcium of course." Perfect amount of humor blended in. I had always wondered what specialties District 5 tributes would bring into the arena. Great idea!
| Meloriel chapter 1 . 2/4/2013
Loved it from the names, straight through the games.
I love it when smart people win.
| CrepuscularSnidget chapter 1 . 10/15/2012
That is so intriguing. Please expand this-you've got the makings of a great story. And although chemistry is so not my favorite, this is awesome and the title is great. :)