|Reviews for Gakuensai no Ouji-sama|
| loveflu chapter 2 . 10/6/2012
hello there! It's nice to know that you do listen to constructive criticism, seeing how you've corrected some of the capitalization. It's a promising start! (:
of course, there are still some parts you need help with - capitalization of the first letter of the first word in a dialogue, as well as punctuation after the sentence.
"and here" I showed them another printout " is the schedule of our meeting" handing the print to Sanada-senpai and Yanagi-senpai.
it should be:
"And here-" I showed them another printout. "-is the schedule of our meeting." I handed the print to Sanada-senpai and Yanagi-senpai.
there are also other mistakes, but if you use Microsoft Word to type out your story, the spellcheck can easily rectify them. :3
also, I know that English isn't your native language, so why not try to get a beta on ff.n? They help with all these mistakes and give pointers if you ever get stuck, so I'm sure they can help you. (:
thank you for reading, and happy writing! :D
p.s. I vote for Marui Bunta. OwO
| Critics chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
" yosh! let's do the best! " Common mistake, for "yosh" if it is written in romaji, "yosi" or "yoshi" would be better, as Japanese does NOT really stop their pronounciation at "sh".
If Hirose is the same character as is in the game, then she would use "yoroshiku onegaishimasu" instead of "yoroshiku" because there are 3rd years around. If it was just 2nd year, then she will use "yoroshiku".
"3rd years Marui Bunta , yoroshiku! " Don't forget Bunta's most used phrase, "shikuyoro", the opposite saying of "yoroshiku"
"'na bakaya , from the snoring way " Teased Marui-senpai"' well Marui always calls Akaya as "Kirihara"
" ii data. " , I suggest to write all in romaji for this statement as it is only half, "ii deeta da" or "ii dēta da" or just "ii deta da" (as there is many ways of writing emphasized 'e' in 'data')
I know English is not your main, but lets at least start with making all the names of people capitalized.
Writing does not have pictures like the game screen, so I suggest you to write more movements of people, facial expressions, and scenery.
| RabidAnimeFangirl chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
This is pretty good for not having English as your first language! Update soon!
And for the route, I vote for Marui Bunta. :D
| rosenthal chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
I vote for Kirihara Akaya! His route is absolutely hilarious!