|Reviews for New Beginning|
| someone3 chapter 17 . 3/21/2013
hi im actually sorta glad u will rewrite it XD
cuz i really think her deck was overpowered alot and faiths effect was only 1000lp if missed wich is totally overpowered also she beated yugi and judai without any hard effort wich i think is sorta screwing with their dueling skills i think u should nerf her deck (nerfmake it weaker i didnt knew the meaning of tht word first lol) anyhow love it and u dont have to adjust it if u dont want to it would be nice if she putted some more effort in her duels tho its like ss ss ss BOOM 7000ATK GHOST PRINCESS still awesomely made tho and i also love the originality of her deck so please keep up the good work
| A chapter 17 . 2/5/2013
Oh dang! This story is good! I assume your re-writing it,as in changing the plot,no? Oh well,I'm sure the story will be good either way. Keep at the good work! :)
| mintlita chapter 16 . 12/13/2012
Hm. Well there's definitely room for improvement here. Like for instant, have your reader actually told you that your story's format is hard to read? Half the time, I wasn't sure who was speaking...I'm guessing they didn't since they let you get this far without even telling or offering beta reading services to you. But that's fine. You can always fix the format yourself by. First, how about starting a new line every time someone speaks? Really, this is the main problem I see with your writing. If you fix this, I guarantee that finding other errors and little type-os will be easier for yourself and a beta if you decide to get one. Not only that, but it'll be easier on eyes, rather than large walls of text. There were cases of missing punctuation marks (missing commas, periods, and ect...), but those are only little mistakes and can easily be fixed by proof-reading. Another thing that throws me off is the person observation; why in world do you keep switching?!
I mean sure you marked which character is which, but it's really annoying...I think it's best of you stick to third-person observation. You know by referring to the characters as, he, she, and it? Then there's no need for switching between the characters.
Plot-wise, the story is pretty much like any other GX story. However, it can become unique if you add more twists and turns to the plot and of course if you add in your own events to the GX time line. I do like the fact that you decided to use the original names rather than the English ones. I myself am use to the English ones, but it's great to see the original ones from time to time. One thing that really bugs me is the fact that a girl is rooming with a male. That's a big no-no. If you do some research on private schools and colleges. You'll see that each gender has a separate dorm. I know that this is fanfiction, but you just can't forget the realism when you're writing. If you ask me, realism is essential and makes your readers keep coming back for more.
Moving on, I want to comment on your OC. Just to let you know, I like her deck. It really brings back memories of my Disney Princess loving days as a child. But, did she HAVE to be related to a canon character? Well, at least it's not Seto...and I do spot some Sue-like traits about her. I can look past her being related to Yugi, but she beat some pretty experienced duelist and I find that hard to believe. She can easily become too powerful if you're not careful. Try not to let that get of hand as of her powers. As for her relationship with Edo, I think you're doing a pretty good job. The romance is happening a little fast for my tastes, but that's fine.
But yeah, like I said before, your story pretty good, but there's still room for improvement like for all stories, including my own. But seeing as I read from chapter one, I can already tell that some improvement has already begun. Keep at it! :)
| dream lighting chapter 15 . 12/13/2012
Wow three chapters in one night nice do they get back together please update again soon k
| dream lighting chapter 12 . 12/12/2012
Not bad please add more soon can you please update again soon
| dream lighting chapter 11 . 12/12/2012
Nicely done now I get it please update soon again and take care when writing more understandable
| dream lighting chapter 10 . 12/11/2012
Sorry that was confusing ? When did they break up? Please add more but what about Jayden ?
| dream lighting chapter 9 . 11/30/2012
Hmm interesting done keep it going glad they are together update soon
| The Queen of Water chapter 5 . 11/25/2012
Cool, I will wait for ch 6.
| The Queen of Water chapter 4 . 10/9/2012
Cool, I will wait for ch 3.
| The Queen of Water chapter 3 . 10/5/2012
Cool, I will wait for ch 4.
| The Queen of Water chapter 2 . 10/5/2012
Cool, I will wait for ch 3.