|Reviews for A Heart Covered in Soft Brass|
| Critique Look chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
The card game, though a bit bland, was correctly described. You used the correct words like 'Stay' and 'Bust', however for a two-person card game, Black Jack is neither fun nor exciting. You could've searched for a different game that would give the story's flow a but more buzz.
Agatha gets on my nerves, which is good, because sometimes it's fun to read a story about a character you dislike. She seems intelligent, though arrogant. Her associate seems to be thinly described, and the whole chapter, overall, is short. Not as short as a five or six liner, but still brief.
Your writing style is simple, easy to understand like the other reviewer said. Though the story is lacking in action, I'm still surprised it only has two reviews. From my small knowledge of the OP world, I know that when it comes to criminals or outlaws, they are usually pirates or bandits-not exactly business people or drug lords. You also said that you feel that the story itself is not yet in that world, which I agree-I see no bandits, no pirates, and only a slight input about Marines. The story is not badly written at all, I enjoyed it because some stories have many things happening so quickly that I wouldn't understand the narrative, but this is still lacking the eye-catching piece that is making me want to read the whole thing.
Still, I simply love the historical references mentioned. I like that you actually had a meaning behind the names, not just randomly selected words that screams 'Mary-Sue'. For example, if you said a character's name would be Star Rocket, then that would be too blatant and would only make people annoyed rather than enjoy the story overall. You've definitely did your research and I do like the drawings you made for the tumblr. I think it's a step too far for you to make an actual tumblr about the fanfiction story, however the sketches are enjoyable to look at.
This story has much potential, so I shall wait for you to update the next chapter to make my final opinion of this piece of fiction.
The critique was also posted here: : / / jpark17 . blog spot . k r
| Kari Ezumi chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
Yeah, so I'm pretty lazy to log in...
Okay, so you successfully caught my interest, something that's quite difficult in most OC stories. I'm quite piqued by Agatha and her character; she amuses me so. And you correctly described the game of blackjack-I didn't even know you barely understood the game (this is coming fromca person that loves playing cards).
And you're right, I did feel it wasn't OP-ish (definitely not a word), but I do believe that you'll pull it off.
Can't wait for the next chapter and how she'll pull off her "death".
| Swaben chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
This is well thought-out. Your OC seems interesting. First of all, it appears that she's very intelligent, if not smug and pragmatic. As far as your writing style, it's fast-paced and easy to follow. You clearly researched what you needed to know, which is nice. It's very well done. However, I'm not sure where this story will go, which may be a good thing. I don't often see many people using businesspeople or forms of criminals besides pirates and bandits in OP works. I can still believe this is very much in the OP world, just focusing on a different part of it. Good job so far!