|Reviews for Xanadu|
| sinistercutlass chapter 1 . 6/9
OK, first of all: your prose is so annoyingly sexy compared to mine. ;) It flows and expresses so easily. I hope to be able to write that well in my future.
The beginning scenes with John Locke were gripping. You chose very strong details: "stink like a barroom floor", the "ringing metal clank" sounding "like a death knell", "today the knife might shiver in wood", etc. The hairs on my arms almost stood on end :)
"Like a hunted creature creeping out of its hole after the fox leaves, Claire sank down next to Kate on the dark French grey sofa." Suggestions on this line: would it do to name an actual creature that a fox might hunt? After all, if you're going to specify an analogy predator, why not specify analogy prey? Also, I think it would make more sense to reverse the positions of the words "dark" and "French". What do you think? A paragraph break after "Kool-aid" would also make sense (or not; matter of stylistic choice).
I really liked the description of how Claire is "settling in for the long haul", with the potatoes and chickens, and the "radiating a quiet and calm sense of peace". It was beautifully sensitive, especially the line "It was as if something deep inside Claire had worked its way to the surface, where she turned it over a few times for examination, then laid it to rest for good." When I looked up Claire Littleton and found out Emilie de Ravin played her, it only enhanced your description, because I can totally see her in this role.
Another great, sensitive description: "He handed her pins, basking in her presence like a plant in the new spring sun." I can see everything you describe very well, even though I never watched Lost (it's apparently helping me to have watched Once Upon A Time, though).
I definitely pick up consistent traits from these characters; if this chapter were a drawing, I would say that they "read well". This is something I struggle with in my own writing, so I can recognize what a good job you did here.
Thanks for the well-written and interesting read!
| T. Alana M chapter 1 . 6/3
Hi, I'm Alana from the Writer's Anonymous game. Fandom blind here, although I am aware of the general premise. so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or misunderstandings regarding canon.
The opening was great. A threatening man striding in unannounced and the implications of former rape (at least, I think that's what is being implied about Kate's stepdad?) in a dangerous world like LOST provided for a gripping opening scene. The rest of the scene did well to uphold that level of tension.
This line was especially good, and served to convey the expected danger Kate and Claire are in - "Today the knife might shiver in wood. Tomorrow, who knows, maybe it stuck in you." (Just noticed SPAG error - you could rephrase it like this: "Tomorrow it [would/could be] stuck in you") The Jim Jones reference was brilliant and chilling. I watched a documentary on that case... psychotic bastard, he was.
The second scene was good - it connected well with the dark tone of the first, and the interactions between the characters were portrayed extremely well. The writing in general was great, with minor SPAG errors. A few metaphors to here and there, such as the turtle-Hurley imagery, made things fun, but the writing didn't delve into purple prose or an overuse of metaphors. The descriptions help readers imagine the scene well without, again, being purple prose.
I quite liked the ending. It wasn't exactly a cliffhanger, but it piqued my curiosity anyway.
Good story, keep writing!
| Theodore Hawkwood chapter 1 . 4/22
Hi. It's Theodore Hawkwood from Writer's Anonymous' Shorter Review Game.
I must say the opening sentence did catch my eye. It clearly and concisely shows that John Locke is clearly not a well liked character by Kate. The fact that she clenched a fist preparing to fight shows a feisty side to Kate's personality as well.
As far as characterization with the second paragraph were Kate compares John to Wayne (her obviously disliked stepfather) and her reactions to it, you certainly showed that John isn't a very likable sort of guy by any stretch of the imagination. It's a compelling thing if you can get a canon blind reader to dislike a character within two paragraphs of a story, so you clearly did well with characterizing.
Based on the pairings in your other fanfics in the Lost category that I've read and reviewed, I definitely was able to understand Hugo's disappointment when he saw that it was Kate knocking at the door as opposed to Claire, whom I'm presuming he was expecting/wanting to see at his doorstop.
Though I'm not familiar with Xanadu at all, the reference to it being part of the disco era gives me at least some idea of sort of film it was/might be. So bravo for showing and not telling what that meant by Hugo referring to Sawyer's dislike of that genre of music. The reference to the music showed me Xanadu is a 70s era film (and a subsequent wikipedia search turned up it being a 1980 film). But the fact that Sawyer's reaction to the film showed what era it came from and let me at least extrapolate what the film was out without needing to consult wikipedia until curiosity got the better of me. That's good technique on your part.
I also liked how that little scene where Hurley and Claire were hanging up the laundry together, shows a little hint on a growing relationship that makes me want to look further into this particular story arc.
Good job, all in all.
| Donna Vito Frutti chapter 1 . 3/15
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. Exactly what I needed.
| Left Sharker chapter 6 . 7/10/2014
This is just the story I'm looking for :D
| Delia Lavender chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
Different, intriguing and beautifully done!