|Reviews for Recovery|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
I'm not signed-in, but I'm Gemini Explorer. We met when you reviewed one of my, "The Lost World" fics, Rated Mature. You may recall our mutual Czech acquaintance. I said then that you are among the more talented fic writers, with real potential to write commercially, in novels. This story confirms that impression. You are a GOOD storyteller, with an above average grasp of spelling and grammar.
I had to set aside personal orientation to read this, as I am a "straight" man, and this is clearly about a lesbian marriage, which is legal now in some places. I certainly appreciate what a psychological and physical loss a missing leg is, and you handled that well. I daresay that it'd affect a woman more than a man who'd stepped on a mine in Afghanistan. The social pressure on women to look good must cause special devastation to female amputees.
As to specifics, you said that Arizona planned the "trajectory" of her day. That term applies to bullets; perhaps isn't the best way to say "course" of her day. For one thing, a trajectory always erodes, due to the pull of gravity. One hopes that one's day might go better. I'd use "ambtions" for her day, or say the "course" or "progress" of the day.
Typo: "a breath that she (not "he") hadn't realised that she'd been holding..."
"What we (not "he") had before..."
These are things that you can catch on proofreading, not linguistic faults. You have the skills.
In the bed scene, pulling off her shorts works, but only as an outer layer. No panties/knickers? (Which word do Aussies use?) Mention color, maybe style. Use some foreplay before her fingers slide into the other woman. Build arousal in the girls and the readers. Heavy breathing, gasps, moaning, impulsive clutching at her partner, etc. What are her eyes doing?
As a man, I'm keenly aware of the importance of women's eyes in lovemaking or in initiating it. Supermodel Ana Beatriz Barros does things that ought to be illegal in public with her eyes, in Victoria's Secret ads. (Laughing Smilie here.) And in this case, the eyes should not only smolder in passion, but reflect relief and growing trust in the partners.
I have to run, but these are the points that leapt out at me as I read. One reviewer suggested oral sex. That'd improve it, if well written, as would the hardness of their nipples, etc. Author Thomas Harris once commented on the rosy flush to an aroused woman's skin. Employ that, too.
I don't watch this show and only read the fic because you wrote it and I got a notification. But you used space well and made the women seem real. Knowing that one was a surgeon made the amputation seem especially grim. Can she continue a pedriatric (US spelling) practice if she gets an artificial leg?
Good on 'ya, "Sheila"! Keep up the good work. I enjoyed this.
| AZsgirl chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
| AmboDriver chapter 1 . 10/7/2012
That was beautiful. Thanks for sharing this. Hope this won't be your drive by of Grey's fan fiction. Now that you've dipped your toe in the water, I hope you jump right in. The more the merrier.
| GlykaLove chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
Aww this was well put! I love it, I really hope you continue this...it was perfect...poor Arizona and Callie. I really liked the love making scene, Callie should've went down on her to make it more passionate. Great story, update soon, thanks.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
i love this story. please continue it.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
amazing, i love it. i think it can be this, what could Arizona break
| Dr.A.Robbins chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
That was awesome :)
| toi.von.d chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
Aw this was so perfect :) I think you got the characters right and I absolutely believe those are their feelings and thoughts. It's heartbreaking to think that they are both in so much pain, and only the other one can make it better, but still they don't lean on each other. It will definitely get dark for them before it gets better but just like Callie said here "I love you more now than I ever did before"