|Reviews for The Immortal's Revenge (Hidan VS Shikamaru Re-Match)|
| jashinistic chapter 1 . 3/25/2013
im one of the rare few that dislikes shikamaru. he thinks in his own way that everyone is below him since he's a genius or whatever. tsk
| AverageApple chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Hey there! It's nice to see that you posted another story, as it's been a little while since you put one up.
First of all, it was wonderful to see that the characters weren't OOC. In my opinion, you wrote Hidan's personality very close to his personality from canon. Shikamaru seemed slightly off, but I myself don't know how to write him. He's a tricky fella to keep completely In Character. ;)
I was also pleased to see a bigger variety of vocabulary. Well done!
Now while Hidan did mention wanting to keep how he came back to life to himself, it might have been nice for us readers to know how he had managed to reassemble himself. It almost seemed like a cheat to just say: Hidan didn't want to reveal how he returned. He'll keep it for himself.
There was one part in the story where it said that they 'vomited' in disgust. I think a better word to use there would be 'gagged.' That would make a little more sense considering not many people would actually throw up after seeing their enemy. :)
There was some grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing too serious; it was definitely readable. Just make sure to look carefully through your fanfic while proofreading!
Your summary also lacked interest, which is probably why a lot of people haven't read it. Try adding something interesting in it! I won't tell you what to write though - that's your job. ;)
I did enjoy this story! It was a good attempt at humor. It wasn't the funniest thing I've ever read - not by any stretch of the imagination - but it was still good. I can see you improving! Great job!