And... meh. It's just... forced, now. I really can't fathom why you decided to go this way with the relationships. Somehow as much as Harry and Hermione are a good couple in typical fanfics, in this one it just feels so wrong to me. They legitimately feel like siblings. There is no sexual tension there whatsoever, and having someone forcibly tell them they'd be perfect together really doesn't help matters. That's not how relationships work. And the sob story about having lost a love as a reason for why he can't be with her? At age 18-19? I'm not really buying that either. And even if I was, it wouldn't explain why he is into Daphne instead.

Also canon Harry at this point in time has literally had zero interest in Hermione, sexually. He & Ron are equally oblivious up until the Yule ball that she is even a girl. I suppose, if as William did, it was pointed out to him how attractive she was, he might have realized that a little bit earlier, but that's a massive leap from "she's pretty" to "I love her." The thing about him pushing her towards Ron because Harry thinks he's going to die is just pure nonsense as well - Harry wasn't intending on dying at all in fourth year. He wasn't truly angsty until the end of fifth year, and that was because of two things, Sirius dying and the prophecy being revealed. So okay, he knows the prophecy now and might be morose about that, but pushing her towards Ron? Literally when? Yule Ball hasn't happened, Ron doesn't even realize Hermione is female at this stage. This is just inconsistent and you seemed so desperate to justify the tone-shift from William/Hermione to Hermione/Harry that you just took hold of logic and drop-kicked it out of the nearest window.

Finally, is it me or is William becoming increasingly insane as the story progresses? What started out as witty, humorous banter, has somehow become some kind of progressive clown-show where every conversation is him just dominating everyone else with endless jokes, innuendos and teasing. At first it was funny but now it has developed to a point that's its actually becoming annoying. This little conversation at the fireplace was the first time in several chapters that he talked like a normal human being.

Well... my last review was pretty spot on, it was Daphne, and you are forcing this. It's a shame and I'm feeling pretty disappointed. This development just feels totally random and has partly killed my interest in the story if I'm honest. And I mean... it's such a shame! You had the perfect set up for William / Hermione. They were flirting! It was funny! They both like studying, he was the perfect contrast to boring Harry and rude Ron. It made sense, and Harry was okay with it, and Harry has Ginny anyway so he's no worse off than he originally would have been, and Ron is being an asshole so no one cares if he's jealous & was never right for Hermione anyway, and Hermione was clearly into him!

But no...! Let's dump all of that and make William try to seduce Daphne Greengrass out of NOWHERE *because she looked at him two times!*, a total blank slate boring character with no established personality, yet somehow an identical clone of every other political/sarcastic/whatever Daphne characters out there. Ugh. It's so much less engaging, and feels like a wide tonal shift for the story.

I feel like you did it because at the start of the story you 'decided' that Harry and Hermione would be together, and that your OC would be with Daphne, but then when you actually wrote the story Harry was his completely boring self (he's only interesting when he's the protagonist, as are all generic protagonists), and William and Hermione actually got along amazingly well. That's what happens when you're a good writer; the characters write themselves, they engage and emote as they really would, and that's what makes it entertaining, and things happen that you don't plan and you wind up in places you didn't expect. And typically that is a very, very good thing.

But then around chapter 7-8 you looked at what was happening, thought 'hold on this isn't what I planned out', slammed on the brakes and went in a totally off the track road that didn't really mesh with what had happened earlier at all. What was authentic and organic became forced and alien, so that you could push the story back into the mold you thought it belonged in instead of what it wanted to become.

And of course this forcedness coincided with William suddenly spilling his guts out of nowhere regarding most of his secrets, something that is honestly hard to stomach since it's hard to believe someone could just accept that he 'knows everything'.
"What do you know about Sirius Black?" "He's that wanted murderer, right?" - that's all he had to say. You went with "Here's his entire life and family story, and yours too Harry, and yours as well Hermione! Lol secrets or something!"

Eh, as much as I usually like Harry / Hermione pairings, I feel like in this story it's a bit forced. There was some obvious chemistry between William and Hermione going on there, and then out of nowhere he says he's not right for her and starts telling Harry to have a crack at it? Just strikes me as weird. And now some pretty slytherin girl is magically noticed, who I'm 99% sure is Daphne Greengrass (wasn't she blonde, though?), and I figure you're going to go that route instead... kind of lame if I'm honest. I'm not sure I'll ever understand fanons obsession with Daphne, she's so overrated and overused, and canon-wise is such a non-entity.

Well... I didn't expect him to just out himself like this. I guess it's good, and bad.

It's rare I find a fic where I can't think of a single thing to criticize, but this is one of them. Just super funny and well written all round. That final spell was hilarious as well, reminded me of a Bleach incantation.

Lol, you do a great job with the characters. It feels super authentic. This is pretty fun so far. Not sure what to make of the whole wandless thing, but I guess it's interesting. I wouldn't mind if this guy romanced Hermione. Ron and her really don't make sense.

Pretty good beginning.

Out take #3 GETS ME!

Fuck me... this was... words cannot even describe how I’m feeling. I laughed, I winced in empathy, I almost cried at the end. All I can do is praise you for this absolute masterpiece of a fanfiction. Thank you for writing such an amazing piece.

Truly fantastic story! I loved the whole thing and the character development and the relationships. I don't think anyone had written characters better. Thank you for sharing. I hope you continue writing!

I remember reading this fic way back in high school and it hit me hard. I remember being listless for a long time after reading it, to be honest. I must have been feeling masochistic because years later - I’ve graduated college and been working at a job for some time now - I decided to give it another read out of nostalgia.

And even knowing what was going to happen, the ending of this fic made me cry. To be clear, I haven’t cried in *years*. But the ending of this fic, god damn. What a masterpiece.

I only wish there was a bit more closure. I want to see William and his friends reconcile. It’d be nice.

3

Love this fic! I have to study to my exam but I'm toooOO addicted to stop read this story.

LOL

Rather than getting an harem William set the out to unlock Hermione's harem route

That is unique

Also the Hermione x Harry shipping does feel kind of wrong, many make this ship in their stories but for some reason you make me think of a troll OC shiping Ron with Ginny for the heck of it

Incest is only good in fiction because of actors being pretty good looking but actually unrelated to each other, but outside of William's brainwashing in this tale i truly felt that Harry held genuine siblings love for Hermione and naturally found it weird to date his sister.

The important part is that you pulled that feeling in this work, something that even cannon failed

In the movies the romance between Ron and Hermione felt like "the guy she dated while her true love was in prison" i remember thinking something along the lines of "that's the wrong guy! Sure he was there when you feel lonely but that's only because you ignored your true love interest in his time of need"

But that isn't here, in this case it genuinely feels thst the only reason Harry is interested in Hermione is William's conditioning (brainwashing)

You did such a good job with the insertion of your OC and his integration in the story (character interaction) that it feels more annoying that OC-kun didn't get the girl and instead chose to self destruc with Hermione's harem ending

At least I know that William doesn't read manga or he would have known better than to turn the story in Shoujo Romance (he would have gone for Shonen Battle in those the Deus Machina will force the good ending)

After all Shoujo Romance is full of idiots, bad taste in men, tragedy, wrong life choices and even more tragedy that will likely come from the wrong life choices

If you are for Shoujo manga i predict:
1) Hermione will get pregnant with Draco's baby
2) Harry will die tragically
3) William will have to heroically sacrifice himself to fill Harry's place in the defeat of Voldemort
4) Neville will not die in this tale... Or he will die together with Luna

LOL

Mmm... Battles make more sense in Shoujo manga, Romance makes more sense in Shonen manga... No wonder Code Gueass was so good, it was the Spin-off to Shirley's love story. XD

You OC has gone OOC

I hope Hermione gave him veritaseum or you just did one of the worst things ever

I have no idea how this would be named but the important part is that you had your character keep secrets but then did a complete turn and spilled everything