|Reviews for Flood, mud and blood|
| BetaWolfSis chapter 4 . 8/31/2014
Hey! Love your story! Please continue!Romance
| emmadactryl chapter 4 . 2/24/2013
Oh my; have you been practicing? :P That was fabulous! Really nice balance of narrative to dialogue and some awesome description threaded throughout.
Couple of bits of constructive criticism I would like to pass on; you can take them or leave them :)
With dialogue tags, whack a comma in there instead of a full stop. So for instance this sentence:
"I hate you guys." He growled, trying unsuccessfully to swipe some mud off of his face.
"I hate you guys," he growled, trying unsuccessfully to swipe some mud off his face.
When you aren't using a dialogue tag but are following the dialogue with a narrative sentence, you keep the full stop. This is perfect:
"Count me in." She grinned.
Because someone can't 'grin' words. People can shout, whisper, bellow, cry, whine, say words, but they can't do physical actions- like grin- them.
When you have a dialogue tag splitting one character's dialogue, where the tag is placed impacts on what punctuation comes after it. For example this:
"Ok, ok my turn!" Amber declared "Most embarrassing moment?"
Needs to be:
"Ok, ok, my turn!" Amber declared. "Most embarrassing moment?"
Two separate sentences in the dialogue. If, however, you interrupt a sentence of dialogue by the tag, you use commas. This sentence could work either way- perhaps more appropriately for rhythm's sake as two separate sentences, but it still serves as a good example to show you what I mean:
"It's ok." He assured her. "It's all alright."
"It's ok," he assured her, "it's all alright."
Will leave the feedback at that for the moment :) If you didn't mind me being a bit picky and pointing the things I did out, let me know and I will happily give you some further pointers on future chapters. If any of the things I pointed out didn't make sense, also let me know and I will endeavour to expand on the explanations and clear up any confusion.
| Greysouthpaw chapter 4 . 2/23/2013
Loved this chapter, especially the game they came up with and the prank they pulled on Paulo. That was gold. Also liked the insert about the mysterious killer, looking forward to seeing how that plays out.. Keep up the good work.
| Jess chapter 3 . 2/4/2013
Lovin it please update soon can't wait for next chapter xxx
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/13/2012
whens the next chapter coming
| Aeyla Skywalker chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
Nice chapter... was so pleased when I saw you'd updated! Cliffhanger - nice: leaves me in suspense wondering what the boys are on about! Plz, plz, PLZ update soon!
| Greysouthpaw chapter 2 . 10/27/2012
Brazil! Alright here we go!
Great dialogue work in this chapter and I feel like you captured the personalities really well.
| Aeyla Skywalker chapter 1 . 10/17/2012
Ha ha, loved it! Can't wait to find out what the mission is! Plz update soon! Only constructive criticism from me would be the length - short chapters are still good, and I don't really mind either way, but it's the only thing I can think of to mention! Anyway, hope you update soon, and maybe with a slightly longer chapter.
| emmadactryl chapter 1 . 10/14/2012
"Just had an idea" stories are always the best! Haha :P
Nice to see a multi-chapter fic up and coming from you; looking forward to the next update and to see where this goes :)
| Greysouthpaw chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Oooh, well you've reeled me in, I want to read more! Loved the friendly banter among the group.