|Reviews for New Shores english version|
| Hushpuppy chapter 3 . 1/8/2003
Great story please continue
| bing bong chapter 3 . 1/6/2003
hey, du bist doch in delphi forum oder?
| Final-Fan chapter 3 . 12/25/2002
I like this story (even if I disagree that -Serenity's reign would be that imperialistic). But I must call you attention to the fact that some of your sentences come out wrong, no doubt as a result of the translation process. (German & English are closely related but not identical.) I have no problem reading the story but many sentences are grammatically incorrect.
I look forward to seeing more of this.
| ed99 chapter 3 . 12/24/2002
nice fic man, not many author would make a "tecknoRanma " few would even dare to mix it with magic.
BTW ever thinking of crossing this fic with WH 40,000?
| Kikumi chapter 1 . 10/14/2002
fic too long. me read first sentence. me review. me say too long.
| Saggit chapter 1 . 7/29/2002
"Saotome, what an unfortunate surprise," he said," but you will prevent me to give this humanity the gift."
"Oh yes? Absolute obedience to this Pseudo-queen. And no more characteristic decision capacity? But gladly! We wait for it."
Sarcasm is a fine thing...
Sarcasm? No offense, but I couldn't understand the lines that were supposed to be sarcastic; and that applies as well to much of the rest of this story. You appear to have a good retention of basic English vocabulary, but an extremely limited understanding of its grammatical application and individual word meanings. Lines like:
"Russel, take a couple of your teams and go onboard of the ship..."
Were constant. (It's "Russel, take a couple of your teams and go on board the ship." Then, too, the proper name is always spelled "Russell.")
"Later, in the moment we have more important things to do."
...should be "Later, in the meantime we have..."
"The words were missing, like Ryoga's before him, but out of another reason."
...should be "but for another reason."
It's endless, really. I'm not criticizing your desire to write in a second or third language, but you do a bit of a disservice to your own skills and to your readers by putting out something in this shape. Get a good proofreader schooled in English-and don't look at me; I'm busy trying to find my own, although English is my native tongue. ;)
| Tigria chapter 2 . 7/29/2002
Get some pre-readers and start trying to tidy up your grammar some more. As it is now it makes a very difficult read. Also slow down some and give us some more details. Maybe a quick run down on his previous years.
| Kawaii-e chapter 1 . 7/22/2002
The Ship-Stats are interessting, but I suggest you put all this Stats at the End of the Fic in a Glossar and make only a link or shortinfo (not more then one sentence)
You don't have to write all the stats in the story. It's only annoying. Sorry.
Otherwise, the Ficcy is good.
| Warringer chapter 1 . 7/19/2002
1) The capitals. It is a habit of me and i don't change it, becasue it is better to read if a ship's name is written in captials, espacialy if it is an ordenary human name like Tom Clancy.
2) It will be explained in later chapters.
3) It's a habit to. I'm a little obsessed with technical data of ships or something else. If i write a story and create a new ship or something else i write a datasheet for it first. And it will be better later on if i compare the ships of the Solar Empire and the ships of the Task Force in a battle.
| Ushio chapter 2 . 7/18/2002
What Privan said.
| Privan chapter 1 . 7/18/2002
Three major problems with this fic (otherwise if they were fixed it has quite a bit of potential):
1) The capitals. Never, ever, for any reason at all, make a word entirely in capitals, that's just plain childish no matter what the reason.
2) Everything happens way to fast, with either no explination or no believability. Take for example Ryoga's arrival, there was just a few lines of comment about how in the hell he came here and then it was all over. Since you haven't provided any background we have to assume Ranma would be surprised by Ryoga's arrival, which means you need to add in something more than just a slightly longer version of "Oh my god! He's here! Okay end of story, blow him up."
3) Despite how your provided the glossary, all those stats about the ships and what not are totally and completely pointless. Well, not really, they serve to cause people to avoid the fic, but that's not a good thing, so I'll leave it at pointless. It's nice to see someone providing those kinds of details and explaining what they mean, but even with the explination 99% of the readers just don't care, let alone even read about all those facts in the glossary. I can understand putting them in there, but most of the readers realize they are never going to need or use that information anywhere but in this fic, which is just another incentive to ignore it besides the fact that it just seems like useless filler.