|Reviews for There and Back Again|
| Alluka Lukea chapter 5 . 5/18/2014
I hope you continue soon.
| Darkspider chapter 5 . 4/23/2014
This is pretty interesting! Cloud being made a weapons designer! Well, considering Fenrir and First Tsurugi, he'd make an awesome designer!
Hoping for a future update!
| VioletIsInPain chapter 5 . 3/26/2014
oooh things are getting murky!
i cant wait for your next update!
p.s. Cloud, i think we all hate Scarlett Dx
| Guest chapter 5 . 2/26/2014
I like the story and characters interacting.
| Za Great Prussia chapter 5 . 2/1/2014
| Dog Lover 120 chapter 5 . 12/11/2013
I'll be waiting
| Guest chapter 5 . 11/27/2013
I like the story and hope you will continue it.
| Nachtnelke chapter 5 . 10/15/2013
I've been neglecting this fandom for the past few years and only came back a week ago, rereading the stories that once got me hooked. So I'm totally giggly and bouncy each time I find something new - and OMG a timetravel fic I don't already know! Soooo happy right now!
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/10/2013
| ABundleOfDaydreams chapter 5 . 5/19/2013
| Summercloud chapter 5 . 4/18/2013
I like this fic a lot! I'm enjoying Cloud-the-sword-designer, and I like how you keep things moving instead of making them really angsty. I'm looking forward to more. _
| Tuliharja chapter 5 . 3/31/2013
So far this is going quite smoothly. Even though I feel like Cloud is just at denial what comes about future...I mean, he thinks what'll happen, but he hasn't still got himself to do something about it. He should realize everything will go once again downhill if he won't soon do something.
But, I like the fact he is weapon designer...it's interesting and I'm waiting what kind of weapon he will make against Sephiroth.
| Xyros chapter 5 . 2/26/2013
Good story so far, looking forward to the fight between sephiroth and cloud.
| Guest chapter 3 . 1/22/2013
And this chapter answered my question regarding Genesis's sword. Whoops. That's what I get for commenting chapter by chapter. :V (But you get more reviews this way, no? c:)
"There was also Zack's death… but if the Nibelheim mission never happened, than that wouldn't either."
"than" should be "then"
"They were on the cliff side now, Zack was dying. Zack was… disappearing. "Zack, no!" grasping at his head like he'd done when he'd first arrived, Cloud didn't even register the cold hands on his face."
Should be "(...) "Zack, no!" Grasping at his head (...)" because "grasping at his head" is a separate action that doesn't describe the dialogue.
I've liked this chapter, but I would have to point out that Genesis is getting attached to/accepting of Cloud too quickly.
Like, small things like this:
"It was unusual for Genesis to be so forward, but he was admittedly worried about their new friend. It wasn't often he felt so strongly about someone."
Why is he suddenly considering Cloud a friend? Just because he designed an admittedly very cool sword and improved Genesis's own sword?
Unless there is something else at work to be revealed later on?
Genesis strikes me as much less trusting and definitely less prone to getting close to people than that. For example, handing Cloud the money before testing the sword, being so concerned about him when he collapsed (a liiiittle concern is understandable, but not as much as he showed here), and being so quick to blame Zack for Cloud's collapse? I imagine that Genesis would trust Angeal's choice in a protege more than that. He must know Zack more than he knows Cloud, no? It would be more likely for him to wonder if Cloud is mentally ill or if it had something to do with the sudden, mysterious Mako in his system.
For that matter, the whole "sudden Mako" incident should still be making these people wary, however cautiously optimistic they might be of Cloud's talent for sword design. There's no real reason for them to suddenly want to get closer to Cloud. Being curious about him, and wary about the Mako, sure. But, besides Zack, none of these are naive or super social friend-making people. Okay, maybe Angeal? But I think even he would have some reservations until he gets to observe Cloud better.
And letting Cloud call Genesis by his first name? That is what seemed the most out of place. Genesis strikes me as much too proud and arrogant to lower that barrier. He would _love_ to be admired and held in high regard as a superior, rather than as an equal by someone who is lower than him in power and social status within Shinra.
You did warn about possible OOC-ness, but still, I wanted to point this out, since you also mentioned wanting to improve.
"It wouldn't due for their new sword designer to suddenly die on them while on his watch. After all, it would look extremely bad on Genesis's record."
This I believe. :D This is in-character.
"due" should be "do")
Anyway, I'm ranting about criticisms non-stop, but I really am liking this story, I swear!
I think you're handling the rest of the characters fine. The story moves perhaps a bit too quickly, but the pacing is mostly okay as a whole. Just, slow down a little on the character development so the changes are more believable. Give us more solid reasons for these characters to get attached to Cloud, and it should be fine. (And for Cloud to want to get closer to Genesis, too, beyond just wanting to save him and make the future better.)
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/22/2013
Didn't Genesis's sword already channel magic? Or am I confusing fanfiction fanon for canon? (Not having actually played the game myself.)
Cloud's already got his foot in. Let's see how it proceeds from here! :D