|Reviews for Gravity|
| Aiko Isari chapter 1 . 5/11/2013
Look, no hands! I mean no Es. I am really sorry for the long wait.
I stand to look at stars away- Aw... I think that line is sweet, particularly since this is a world with the exploration of the sea and not the vastness of the sky.
In a human's soul.-Aw...! Just aw! The imagery of that is really beautiful, even though I can't describe what it is to you.
Or find divinity through my words,- I love how this reflects a relationship that they aren't aware of what the other does to them but does know that there is something there, something unreachable by human hands and robotic excavators.
For I own an adoration for you- I feel like they need to pin medals on their chests that say: "HEY! You're precious to me!" whenever they are near each other for extended lengths of time.
Could at any point strip.- This may just be a nitpick of mine but I felt like the way you ended this line was very abrupt, like there was a missing word or two here. It doesn't detract from the poem, rather it ends it to have a stern finality about it,
| Ennui Enigma chapter 1 . 5/10/2013
Impressed! Well done. I like clever challenges like this.
| MockingjayWithFangs chapter 1 . 12/18/2012
I am totally unfamiliar with the canon so I do not know who you are talking about, what I do know is that this made me think a powerful and possibly unrequited love. I liked it. It was a good poem, I liked it very much, specially the last three lines.
| Stratofarius chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
Alright, let me just say, I have never watched SeaQuest in my life, and, oh my god, a "no e" challenge? How... how... how the hell did you do it?!
I mean, I didn't even notice. I knew it was a "no e" challenge, but at no point did I go "yeah you can see the author struggling to find a word here". No, no, they just... fit. And it's an adorable poem too. It has its own rhythm, it's own flow... I really like it.
| Edhla chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
I'll admit to two things:
1) I haven't watched SeaQuest since I was a teenager (which is, uh, a while ago... :p) so I'm largely unfamiliar with canon, and
2) I skim-read the introduction to begin with and did not, at first, realise that this was a "no e" challenge.
On those notes:
1) I don't need to be familiar with canon to know that this is good stuff, and
2) I did NOT NOTICE.
The issue with the "no e" challenge is how to find word substitutes that aren't clunky or don't seem "odd", and you've totally succeeded here.
There's one I love in particular: "I own an adoration for you." It's so much stronger than "have" which you may have been tempted to if you weren't prohibited from the dreaded e. Perfect example of being stretched to that extra notch of creativity.
I also love the rhythm that you use in most of the lines, the alternation between multi and monosyllabic words. The second last line works particularly well in that way: 1-2-1-3-1-1.
And the brutal climax of the word "strip."
Appropriately favourited. I've missed the boat on the review tag, which was what this was all about to begin with, but I don't really care. I'm glad to have found something really enjoyable, which I otherwise would NEVER have found, because I'd never in a million years have been looking for it. :)
| Legendary Biologist chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Wow, this is a beautifully written poem! Although it is short, I can feel the warmth of this poem.
I stand to look at stars away
From that cloud of city lights
-I can picture what Nathan is looking at, and this makes me think that Nathan wrote the poem at night.
For I own an adoration for you
No action, no capacity, no words
Could at any point strip.
-These lines are great as it clearly shows how Nathan loves Kristin. :)
Congrats for completing the challenge!
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 10/12/2012
This was a lovely written drabble! The way you portrayed Nathan's thoughts about Kristin, especially the lines about the lost Atlantis and him owning an adoration for her, were pure gold! These two seem to be like the perfect couple (though nothing is ever perfect) by the way you write them out, even in this little thought poem.
No real big grammatical errors spotted here, so nice work proofreaing! Once again, I truly adored this lovely little drabble! :)
| Aspiring Hobby chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
WOW! Really good. I really liked the last three lines:
"For I own an adoration for you
No action, no capacity, no words
Could at any point strip."
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Hey there! Thanks for accepting the challenge. You have some strong wording in here: the cloud of city lights and the lost Atlantis in a human's soul jumped out at me as working quite well. Also, no Es, and only a couple of minor nitpicks:
'throws' doesn't work after living for me; I know it's supposed to align with 'catch,' but I think it's the 'living' that's throwing (har) me off. 'this harmony your living shows,' weirdly enough, seems to work a little better. Own an adoration: I suspect that's reworked from 'I adore' to 'I have an adoration' to 'I own an adoration.' Maybe 'hold an adoration' might stick out a bit less?
The poetic form works here without feeling unsuited for canon, and I didn't catch any wonky enjambments between the lines or any untoward shifts of line length or tone. I wonder if this could be turned into a sonnet without any Es - OK, that was mean. :D But give me a heads-up if you try it.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Your disclaimers crack me up. I feel like they should come with a warning sign like at the beginning of movies. Or one of those: "This is not based upon real life." NO! I got it! The Law and Order (cue the music) that says this is fiction and is not based upon any actual people etc. That one.
Anyway, I love the beginning how's he's all you don't know it. Well, Nathan, I do know it and I'm mad the writers didn't make this a cannon. It would have been good.
This is actually really beautiful. The description and everything, the moments of oh my gosh... with the sight of Atlantis in a human soul. It's beautiful. Great job. I love this. And I love you!
| RedheadedMarina chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Wow. Just gorgeous. I can see him in his bunk composing this, deciding on words and then writing them firmly. "Sight of a lost Atlantis in a human soul" gave me chills. Well done!
| Mathisblu chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Handsomly written from a Captain to His Lady.
| Ragnelle chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
Poetry was a very apt form to choose for this challenge. I particularly liked the lines: "I stand to look at stars away/ From that cloud of city lights", with "Cloud of city lights" as a very nice image.
| truthsetfree chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
The poem was an interesting approach. The whole thing reads really well. The word choice of "own" struck me as odd, and I had to think about that line. Honestly, still thinking about how someone could "own" an adoration for someone. When I first read that line, I wondered why you didn't go with harbor. Well done!
| Rosawyn chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
This is truly lovely. I don't think I've read any poetry by you before, but I really like this and either I need to find more poetry by you or you need to write more if you haven't already done so.
As someone only vaguely familiar with seaQuest, I have to admit I was confused about who the speaker was and who he was speaking to (or, thinking about that is) until I looked more carefully at the summary and noticed you'd cleared that up! lol XD But the crazy thing is even before I knew that, Nathan and Kristin was my best guess! So either the characterization came through in the poem or I just know you well enough to make a guess. :D
Anyway, my favourite part of this poem is these two lines, "I stand to look at stars away / From that cloud of city lights." I'm just blown away by the "cloud of city lights" bit. Because it just conjures for me the idea of how the city lights bounce off the smog and make it impossible to see the stars while in the city. It's something that has always bothered me about cities (as someone who grew up out in the country) - it's never truly dark and never truly quiet. So I can very much identify with Nathan's desire to get away from that so he can see the stars and think of Kristin.
I also absolutely love the ending of this poem. The quiet power in Nathan's declaration of undying love pulls at my heart in a way that few poems have.
This is just all the more amazing when I think about how you wrote this entire thing without using the letter 'e'! It's just a really good poem even without taking that into consideration.
My only criticism is the line, "For a sip of flashing charm," because it seems a bit awkward, and I also don't really understand what that means. But I think the truly amazing thing is that in such a restrictive challenge, that is the only slightly awkward line and the only one that doesn't make sense to me.
I'm not sure I could write something anywhere near this good if I were to attempt the same challenge, especially if I were to attempt a poem for that purpose.