|Reviews for Raging Love|
| JodieJelloCube chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
I think this story is pretty good, especially considering this is your first BBRae story (at least posted here, it is) I would like to give you some pointers though!
1) Synonyms! These things are your best friends! Nothing beats a good synonym! I noticed you used 'say' or 'says' a lot, why not try 'whispered', 'remarked', 'replied', 'snapped' and so on and so forth? These can give a good insight to how the character is feeling without you having to go into explanation.
2) Your tenses are inconsistent. You often skip from past to present tense, I had trouble with my tenses at first too! And in a first person narrative it's even more confusing for the reader.
3) You should try combining lengthy sentences with short statements. For example, if I take the first line, and alter it ever so slightly "The green changeling asked himself. His eyes clamped shut in shame and remorse as he mentally relived the days events." it gives it a little something extra for the opening sentence.
There's a lot of potential here and a lot of really simple things that you could do to greatly improve it! I hope I helped! Oh, and thank you for reblogging my BBRae drawing on Tumblr! :3