|Reviews for The Boundless Plague|
| The Alien of Pluto chapter 9 . 11/17/2012
AWOL. The term is AWOL, not A-Wall.
"Absence Without Official Leave."
| The Alien of Pluto chapter 8 . 11/5/2012
Well, for a first story this is excellent!
A few things though: as with your one other reviewer to date, I would suggest having shorter 'paragraphs,' and making a new one for every change in speaker, and after every end of dialogue.
Secondly, being centuries old, wouldn't Jerron, Joseph, whatever his name is, have to adapt? Wouldn't he adopt the current speech patterns of where ever he is? His accent may or may not fade over time, depending on where he spends most of his time (which, from what all you've written, I have concluded is the United States of America).
Also, for some of his abilities...I would imagine the usuals (enhanced vision, stamina, strength, etc). Complete ability to shift his body on command, with hard concentration. No gliding? No Infected vision, but that 6th sense-y itchy feeling instead.
BUT. If this virus is centuries old and has been living in a bone, while Jerron's been running around, how would Alex and Greene be on the 'same' level of evolution as him? I get that Gentek and some Chronicler have been experimenting, but forced evolution to that degree in a matter of weeks? I dunno...Seriously, I don't.
But anyway, good luck writing!
| JustKaz chapter 8 . 11/3/2012
Firstly, I wanna say as it's your first fic, your writing is pretty impressive. I can see you building up on your writing skills and such and if you improve on it, you'll be able to create any story. Trust me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I have a pet peeve about paragraphs and they're a bit long. It might seem alright on a laptop/computer/whatever but as I'm viewing this on my iPod, they look very extended. I'm not saying chop 'em up into 3-4 liners but occasionally start a new paragraph.
Also, the dialogues the characters have are in the same paragraph. (Example) You're putting:
"How was your day?" Person A asked and Person B replied with "Fine. And yours?"
Instead, be creative, chop it and make it:
"How was your day?" Person A asked, pressing their weight on the cold wall behind him and stuffing their hands into their pockets. Person B let out a frosty sigh, glaring over at Person A.
"Fine. And yours?"
I was told about putting different character's speech in the same paragraph and stopped doing that ever since. Like I said, you're doing very well for a first time and I hope you take this as constructive criticism and build up on this.