|Reviews for Lessons Learned|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/14/2012
You are superior to Celica60 and metamorphastorm. Awesome work.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/12/2012
Good points: A situation that makes you think. How much as a babysitter should you pry? Should you presume that your employer has told you everythign? Especially if they're in a hurry? It's important to ask questions, but also to know when.
Bad points: We don't know *why* they forgot to tell, which means you leave us wondering. You showed the scene of the day with the three-year-old well. But, you only tell us the end result, you don't show us. And, that takes a lot away from your fic. You tell it almost like you're telling what happened ina story for a school report.
You need to actually show the characters talking more. Like this:
First scene. Parents introduce themselves. Describe why they hired her - was it a last minute thing? that would explain why they forgot, and you can still get the important lesson of fidning out *everything* you can. (In my experience parents leave instructions on how to handle various situations, but not every family will.)
Second scene: What you show leading up to the fear expressed over the timeout.
Final scene: Parents come home, use dialogue like you should in the first scene to show the parents' feelings, the sitter's, etc.
You can, as I said, still demonstrate that important lesson. YOu can still leave it hanging if you want as to whose responsibility it was; and indeed, there are times in life when it isn't anyone's fault, things just happen. In a way, your message is a need to communicate on both parts.
Which gets back to the first point. How much shoudl a sitter pry? I think you describe her feelings accurately here, but here again, this is one of those times where you can have her saying, "I feel bad, but at the same time you were in a hurry and..." whatever. And the parents be understanding; again, figuring they were in a hurry they would know to be ready earlier for the sitter's arrival.
See how that's so much more than what you did? I hope so, becasue yous eem like you have some good ideas that just need expanded upon.
| guest chapter 1 . 10/11/2012
please stop writing - you're not very good.