Reviews for Damn
soontheapocalypse chapter 1 . 3/24
Two things about this mini-story didn't make sense to me. Firstly, what happened with Lilly? I mean, in your version of the scene she wasn't even tied up after murdering Carley, and it was the fact that she was treated as a prisoner that convinced her that she had to leave in the main story. If she was allowed to keep her freedom in your version, do you not think she would have remained with the group for longer? Is that not a story worth telling? Although, having said that ... I suppose being threatened with death might be enough to do the trick, I guess. She didn't really want to head for the coast in the first place, and losing Lee as an ally might have been enough to convince her that her time with the group was done. Secondly, the scene where Lee was turning seemed a little off to me. Shouldn't such a slow and inevitable death cause Lee to dwell on his life and the mistakes he'd made in a little more detail? Why was he thinking about Carley (a girl who he barely even flirted with, never mind fallen in love with) on his death bed, instead - oh, I don't know - his wife? His family? The senator that he killed? I honestly don't think that Carley was important enough to Lee to warrant a place in his thoughts as he was dying ... but maybe that's just me. Lots of people tend to overstate Lee's relationship with Carley, so you wouldn't be the first to do this ... or the last. Still, it was nicely written for a short story.
Apollo the Drell chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
Very good, and it has a flow to it I like. A lot, actually. If you could write more on this, I'd like it. A lot. Thanks
Mhungo chapter 1 . 10/15/2012
Please write more if you get around to it. The title echoes my response to this chapter. Damn.
SummertimeSadnes chapter 1 . 10/11/2012
1Summertime Sadness1 here, not logged in! I really liked this, it was written wonderfully and had a really nice...well, ring to it almost. I honestly enjoyed reading this, you have a great promise as an author!