|Reviews for Into The Coming Storm|
| S.R.457 chapter 9 . 7/27/2013
| mcknight93 chapter 9 . 7/24/2013
Nice job on the chapter, it had a decent amount of action, and great emotional drama between Starkiller and Ahsoka.
Awesome job on writing the speeder chase, I imagine that could very difficult since it is all about high speeds and sudden reactions.
The only minor problem I see so far is the pre-tenses. Here is an example: in your story you wrote: "Oh, great. Can this get any worse?" Ahsoka says. That is in the present tense, but it should be in the past tense like this:
"Oh, great. Can this get any worse?" Ahsoka said. Basically change 'says' to 'said' to make it past tense.
Great work on the chapter, and I hope to see another one soon.
| RKF22 chapter 9 . 7/18/2013
Great update my friend love how the relationship is going keep up the great work
| lycan13 chapter 9 . 7/18/2013
True you took to long, but it's summer so maybe you'll find more time.
| war sage chapter 9 . 7/18/2013
| ReapHubris chapter 9 . 7/18/2013
I recently discovered this story and all I could say is that I'm intrigued. I always like Starkiller fanfic. What can't I say, the dudes badass. Anyway great story and looking forward for the next chapter.
| Aluriea chapter 8 . 5/17/2013
Love the story so far and cant wait to see what happens next, I wonder what Ahsoka's reaction will be when she learns what Galen did to Master Ti.
| Obsidian The Ghost Faced chapter 8 . 5/15/2013
And now for a new review! Excellent story so far Mojo! The interaction between Starkiller and Ashoka is very interesting to see, you've got them down solid...I must ask though, how will they ever get off Tatooine? Excitement!
| Obsidian The Ghost Faced chapter 4 . 5/15/2013
Hello...This is actually one of only two Force Unleashed/Clone Wars crossovers I have ever read, and I have to tell you that I like your storyline so far...The idea of Anakin's only apprentice working with Vader's first apprentice is very intriguing!
| LadyIunara chapter 8 . 4/29/2013
Again a good chapter. I definitely look forward to reading the next chapter where Ahsoka and Starkiller fight together.
The only thing I have a slight problem is that Starkiller seems too powerful and Ahsoka so weak. Maybe there can be something she is better at than Starkiller. Just a suggestion, so no need to follow it.
| mcknight93 chapter 8 . 4/17/2013
Very nice job on the chapter, I loved the chase scene. And having the chase on Tatoonie where there are several, civilians, street vendors, animals, and carts makes it a lot more exciting.
I am wondering what you have in store on the desert planet? Maybe Galen and Ahsoka seeing some of their master's own past?
Great job on the story, I hope to see another chapter soon.
| Boondocks23 chapter 8 . 4/8/2013
I've been with u since the beginning and I think this is coming along great. It's exciting, thrilling, and well put. I wanted to know if he was going to maybe look back in his past or is this story moving completely forward with no past characters or references? Keep us posted bro.
| SonoftheLost chapter 8 . 4/6/2013
nice story. you earneda fav
| AncientDoom chapter 8 . 4/1/2013
I must say. I find the story as a whole very original, and I like it. All the same, there are a few things.
1. You really really need an editor or beta reader or someone to look this over before u publish it. it is littered with minor problems that are really hurting it. Mostly grammar. If you want, I would be happy to do it. Would give me training in writing since I am a novelist.
2. The story is very fast paced, in fact, too fast paced. You are skipping entirely over a lot of potentially strong story chapters that would really help draw out the juicy points in the story. Such as:
-When did Rex start to call him "sir" and the whole "crew" relationship start? Yes, Starkiller rescued them, but that is only the first step. There was no moment where this "sub-plot" was finished. Like having Starkiller sit down with them and give them out the ground-rules. Its his ship, his rules, and until they leave, they obey. They are free to leave when they want blah blah blah
-the chapter where Starkiller is telling whats-her-name about everyone she has ever known, being dead, and all the betrayels and stuff from Episode 3... is... omg. your shooting yourself in the arm. the STORY PLOT that they are both from the same master, and the REALITY of what happened in the time-span she was in a coma for, could have been a HUGE JUICY PLOT. it could have a lot of distrust, confusion, and investigation plots rolled in, and it would give DEPTH to whats-her-name and Rex. It would give them a HUGE portion of the story, as they rae trying to find out what happened.
instead you just flat out tell them, and they dont react. Ye, you say they cry. but you spend 1-2 paragraphs on that. Something as completely mindblowing as "YOUR WHOLE LIFE YOU KNEW IS DEAD" diserves a hell of a lot more than two paragraphs.
i mean... not just that. but the idea that they are both from the same master is SUCH A HUGE relationship maker moment right there. Leading to verbal conflict potentially and juicy moments, as whats-her-name loves Anakin as a former master, and Starkiller despises him.
instead, whats-her-name just goes "oh." and thats it.
| gps3 chapter 8 . 3/24/2013
Another great chapter with awesome fighting and a little hint of possible AhsokaXGalen.