|Reviews for One For The History Books|
| K chapter 12 . 2/15
Deeply personal? I wouldn't really call it that? And I told you as an example of various sleep habits people have, and why the chocking seamed off. Its probaly not her normal subconcious habit, so why is it happening?
Sorry if it felt weird.
I did like some of the content in this chapter. The homesickness was better handled, but the Edge mention threw me off. Does she just not like him? It's fine if that's the case, but its up to you as an author to portray the characters in an IC light, regardless of feelings when they come around. I say that as precaution.
I also liked how you handled Talias fear.
If there was anything I disliked, it was the paceing of the chapter. Somehow it felt off. I'm not sure why
| K chapter 11 . 12/11/2013
Have they met Rosa? I'm glad Cecil is getting a suspicious, and what do you mean "not very devoloped? People have been inferring information off of the game and Wiki for years, and have writen plenty of good fanfic off of that for years. Second use a little head cannon or fan cannon. For fan cannon, I would suggest looking at Mythweaver, who has some really wonderful Rydia and Edge insights. A small head cannon that may become fanon is that Izoyi is Edges cousin, and the paring of Kizzy.
Never less your Oc's are not from this world, and that provides some opportunities for world building. Does the idea of eating a Hell Eater creep Nicky out? Is Talia ever going to get used to Chocobos? Little humorous things like that.
This chapter felt a bit like a step in a better direction. Less senseless handouts, more caution and disbelief. Things feel a bit more serious. Although what was with the random sleep chocking? Unless she has a habit of walking in her sleep, it's hard to belive her body would do that unconsciously. A friend of mine has a habit of sleep talking, and once sat up, complaining she couldn't reach the toaster, but If I did that, I would be accused of fakeing it. My friend has an established habit of sleep talking, and I have an established habit of silence, I don't even snore. Our subconscious has ingrained reactions to our stimuli, and it goes against the body's purpose to cause self harm, and is not something the subconscious does. The likeliest explication I can think of is mind control, but wouldn't Zorumus keep her in his hold?
Finally Nicky's homesickness felt a bit sudden, could you ease her into that next time? Perhaps see something that reminds her of a parent, be a little nostalgic, then have it hit that "oh my god! Am I ever going to see that person again. To make the flow a bit more natural
| K chapter 11 . 12/11/2013
Ya sorry, but I just don't have an account. It does however, alow me to review more. For this one ill start with pointing out your . It's opposed
| Shadow Lugia of Orre chapter 11 . 12/7/2013
Yay new update. I was browsing through my favorites and the moment I saw that this one updated again, yeah, I went crazy. This is one of the best stories I've read, and I love every chapter. Keep up the awesome work and don't forget to update.
| k chapter 10 . 11/18/2013
Hey, sorry If I am being to critical. O.C's are serious business, because so many people misuse them. I want to try changing that opinion. And the more people who write original O.C's with a good story, the higher an O.C's rep gets. I know I may not always be nice about it, but I am trying to be logical.
| K chapter 10 . 9/15/2013
Rather then use any reasonable explanation you go with psychic seer of the future we know everything? If you were told that people you randomly met when they fell from the sky or some other place you don't expect people to come from, you would probably belive they were crazy. If you want to go that route a more in universe believable explanation would be " the crystals told us" . That sounds as crazy as god told me, but people followed the awesome Joan of arc with that. If you want to avoid the possible path of " follow me because I am an oc who knows the future and can save you" gambit, then it's not that hard. You could have had someone remind Cecil that Rosa could die or Tellaha that there is a possibility that his daughter is in Damncyan. That would send them running. I did like the lengthened chapter, but the characters are a little too accepting of the strange explanations. Be a bit realistic. Use the magic to their advantage.
| K chapter 9 . 9/15/2013
I'm relived. Most authors get offended. And couldn't they buy chlothing at a town or something? That's where people normally weapons too. Since they don't properly know how to use weapons, a knife would probably be the safest thing to use untell they get some practice in. You ever see someone shoot a bow after picking it up for the first time without instruction? Not only will they miss , they will notch the arrow wrong, and hurt themselves. Even fist fighting will get you hurt if you don't do it properly. If you don't make a fist right you could break fingers. So you can see why I'm a bit worried on that front. And you might want to take the information that they will fall in love with Kain and Edward out of the information given to the readers. There's a saying of " show don't tell". Foccus on the brand new world and adventure first and romance second. They are fighting a war, and that isn't a time to make googley eyes at each other. Let it sneak up on them, and then when their gone, let them realize " Holley crap! When did he become so important to me!" It good buildup, and taking that information out will surprise new readers when it kicks in. So explore the world a little. As outsiders, they will have diffrent outlooks from final fantsy characters. Use that. Do they perhaps do something odd to us for funerals? Or odd crystal worship? What do they eat? Fiends? So far your just giving us little details about the world of final fantsy. Give us your world of final fantasy.
| Wishing Girl chapter 9 . 5/4/2013
Ok, good that you updated bad that it took sooo long. I realize you must have been busy, but you need to make time for your story. Also try making the chapters a bit longer.
| Wishing Girl chapter 8 . 4/27/2013
Super cool. Update soon.
| NightFlowerLuv chapter 8 . 2/28/2013
You still have readers! Your grammar has improved, by the way. XD
| K chapter 7 . 1/14/2013
Well it's not bad. Tailas lack of weapon skill is realistic. But do some more exploring. Poke fun at the plot, play with it a bit. Experience the world, do some heavy searching for the chests, perhaps you could have left one of them on Kains side of the quake. Actually what the hell is Rosa doing in Kaipo? That is never explained. Or the guards. How did they know? Kain and Cecil made no plans to meet them thare, and he was surprised at Rosa. So why? Anyway don't rush, create
| K chapter 2 . 1/14/2013
Hey hi. Bit of advice, to try to help to prevent cliche. I'm really sorry about this but I hope it helps. Don't be to mad, you see a lot of eletronic portals to other worlds on fan fiction. TVs ,play station, computer, you name it. Secondly after being shot out of the water Chrystal they got from mysidians shouldn't the Barron Red wings be more hostile and suspicious? They just came from the crystal, they might be assassins. Weapon training is not automatically learned, in fact training in weapon use might be a bonding moment for your paring choice. The costume change was also unnesary, costumes are to blend in, which is pointless when you come shooting out of a crystal. Please tell me they have a purpose here besides dating Kain and Edward? Make a diffrence in the plot for a reason. Something beyond the story. Remember that Kain and Edward will be hard to convince to date beacuse they have emotional problems. One has a huge crush long ignored, and the other lost his love. I would sujest rethinking this one. The first chapter is not very interesting. It's not the best idea to start with introduceing your OC, instead start with them in mysidia with a battle raging around, something action packed, let the audiance be lured in with action, and learn your OCs through how maney people do you know who accept that they are in final fantsy raight off the bat. it is a medevill esque world with monsters and magic, alot would think their crazy, except posibly an amnesic. Most write these sort of hints off as flames, please don't be one of them. I like original charecters but the key word is original. Original voice, plot, methods. If done to clichaed it becomes Sue. And honestly thare are to many out thare, giving OCs a bad name. I'm not saying your thare, but please put some more thought into this
| Wishing Girl chapter 7 . 1/4/2013
Faved the story as promised! I loved the whole "Oh no not a poet!" thing priceless. update soon.
| Meagan chapter 7 . 1/1/2013
Don't worry about not posting for a while. I really liked the part when Nicky and talia was being fangirly when they saw how cute ceil looked sleeping. Continue :)
| Wishing Girl chapter 6 . 12/25/2012
Forgot to log in, but whatever. I like how this story is going. Next time I log in I'll fave it. Can't wait for the net chap. Update soon!