|Reviews for Don't Cry, Oh Fluttershy|
| Big Monkey Pictures chapter 7 . 10/27
Not being happy about being the only man in Equestria? I wouldn't mind at all.
| Guest chapter 9 . 10/27/2013
Ummm a warehouse I would most l
| Guest chapter 9 . 2/24/2013
love the story
| opuscon789 chapter 2 . 10/27/2012
Now as I think about chapter 3 I think that the part with the pool of water came from the movie Enchanted
Did you watch that movie
| Vuld Edone chapter 9 . 10/21/2012
| Elemental Lightning chapter 9 . 10/20/2012
I already started an MLP War of the Worlds months ago between Earth and Equestria.
| opuscon789 chapter 4 . 10/20/2012
I really do like the story a lot
| opuscon789 chapter 3 . 10/20/2012
sometimes I post funny comments just to be funny no offence
What I would do is say that I would push her into the english channel and then she will droun and then she will wake up in her house. but this ends one or two ways he eats her or he f*cks her
| Crimson Banner chapter 4 . 10/20/2012
Then we have the Championish...
| Crimson Banner chapter 3 . 10/20/2012
Queen's Park Rangers...
| Crimson Banner chapter 2 . 10/20/2012
Well, I suppose there is Chelsea, Arsenal, West Ham, Tottenham...
| Crimson Banner chapter 1 . 10/20/2012
Football? I would name a few Premier League teams in South East England but there are loads!
| LyonWolf chapter 6 . 10/20/2012
great episode ;D
| LyonWolf chapter 5 . 10/20/2012
wowowowow your history is Awesome!
(please use the google translate) Wow amigo sin dudas tú fic es asombroso, me agrado lo que he apreciado desde el primer capitulo hasta ahora, la forma de narrar los hechos es muy buena. Esperare el próximo capitulo. saludos
PD: Disculpa sí no hablo en inglés, ocurre que no me he de expresar bien, sólo sé leer.
| Vuld Edone chapter 2 . 10/19/2012
Mh. Fine for now. The pitch promises more but that more would be too soon so I'll be patient. I noticed this story will rely heavily on 'Shy being shy and a heavy dose of feelings so whenever the story strays to that, it should be noted.
It mostly happens in dialogs, with two notable examples.
One in the first chapter: "Wow. What a load of fun that is." At that point I remembered what the atmosphere was, kind of sad, so a paragraph reminding the reader about it and contrasting it with the tone in the dialog - more joyous - would have been needed.
The other example is when Fluttershy shows her wings. Not only is that a golden occasion to re-describe her again, because frankly any occasion to describe her cuteness is good for the story, but it's also an occasion to return to that atmosphere of... well... 'Shy being shy. Which is also why her stern look was kind of... maybe it's me.
Other than that I would advise to keep the town's name anonymous, mostly to allow the reader to appropriate the place, helps for the immersion. The setting plays a big role too, in defining the environment and thus, as much the possibilities as the broader ambiance. Like a busier day than usual, usually a signal of an incoming event.
Remember also to explain less. That's paradoxal, because when the character went to take a flashlight, I thought you didn't develop enough. But actually, in that sort of story you're allowed to skim over details, because of the subjectivity. What's important is the feelings, not how things work. I'm of course referring to their planning of 'Shy flying over roofs - which wouldn't work, but as I said, it's irrelevant.
What's important is to make people live the moment. Put them in the boots of your character. You're avoiding the heavy rationale, I'm grateful for that, but you can't make the economy of feelings.
So, less dialog, more narration, less care for how events unfold and more for how they are perceived. And it should work out just fine.