Reviews for Cold That Burns
WalkingInTalaria chapter 1 . 5/11/2015
Well here's a character I wouldn't like to meet alone up a dark alley. Although we don't get to see her thoughts in the book, this seems like exactly the things she would be thinking: proud, derisive, and tinged with the slightest hint of uncertainty.
Rose Rain 7 chapter 1 . 1/11/2015
Fandom blind T-T I'm here for the secret new year's exchange.

(Jadis hates waiting. She is the queen! She deserves to be first...)

Lol that line is funny. It makes her sound so self centered or maybe she is?

(Perhaps when she has solved the Aslan problem she will be free to go and subjugate Time. But that is a concern for the future.)

... I feel like I'm missing a big part of the story.

(The sun is nearly below the hills, kindling her realm of ice into a sea of fire.)

Oooooh that's a good line! My new favorite! *-*

(Tomorrow by this time the Lion will be dead, and all Narnia will be hers.)

Hmmm I'm guessing Narnia is a country? And I have no idea who the heck is the Lion. Probably her enemy since she is anticipating his death XD

(Nothing will remain in any world that can possibly stand against her might. And she will indeed be Queen, as she had been in Charn.)

I suddenly don't want Lion to die... COMEBACK DUDE!

(No uncertainty will spoil her victory.)

The amount of truth in that one sentence is amazing.

(She will be like an eagle, strong, proud, and beautiful.)

From where did she get that confidence? It is NOT a bad thing :)

(Victory will come by her own hand; her own power will triumph.)

*Whistle* show them what you got.

(He was so unwise to choose humanity to rule this land. Humankind are so weak, so fallible.)

For 30 seconds there I thought the witch was a good woman...

(he would have chosen someone like her... wise, strong, and beautiful. But no, he preferred children. She fumes.)

LOL children? Seriously? O.o no wonder she is mad.

(What does it matter who Aslan chooses? He is a fool, and his host with him. Let them die for him. And die they will, for his is a lost cause.)

I wonder what did Aslan do for him to be a lost cause.

Chapter review: That last line though! " She is the cold that burns." what a dramatic ending. It describes her well for some reason (sometimes ice do burn! So it is a realistic metaphor which I truly liked) But honestly, I would choose that cold any day over fire and no, I'm not hitting on her XD

Anyway, in the beginning she strikes to me as a really impatient, self centered queen ( She really is XD) so I don't get who would want someone like her to rule Narnia. I thought that maybe she isn't fit for it after all but seeing how ambitious she is, she looked more admirable. She held a strong belief in what she think is right so I couldn't view her as evil completely. Maybe she knows what is best for Narina? Idk. I think the part where humans rules the land is a bit cliche. For once I want a different being to rule even if they were evil. That is where the fun kicks in in my opinion.

The comparison between the spider and eagle was ON POINT. It captured her personality quite well! And I have been meaning to ask but is she trapped? (Perhaps when she has solved the Aslan problem she will be free to go and subjugate Time. But that is a concern for the future.)

This line made be assume she is trapped in something. Maybe in her failure? It could be ;)

This line here though KILLED IT "No uncertainty will spoil her victory."

Let me bow them to this line. And thanks to you I'm going to watch the movie. Hopefully, I don't end up hating the white witch after watching it cause it will ruin everything I said about her lol
Rosa Cotton chapter 1 . 5/10/2014
Well done!
Lady Eleanor Boleyn chapter 1 . 4/29/2014
Okay, this makes a change, for once I’m not going into this story canon blind...

I like the way you've written this – the present tense makes it very immediate and you can feel the tensions/power practically radiating off the page, even though it’s not in first person.

I especially like the metaphor where Jadis compares herself to an Eagle, because eagles are majestic birds and she thinks of herself as a Queen, therefore it’s a suitable comparison, only strengthened by the idea of how ruthless eagles can be towards their prey, when she herself is such a ruthless character. And impatient, as is hinted at when she refuses to be like a spider...

I also like the foreshadowing here – the more she refuses to countenance failure; the more she sees Aslan as foolish for not seeing her as a worthy Consort, for placing his trust in children instead, the more you know how the story will end. Pride comes before a fall, after all, and she certainly has plenty of that...that could just be because I know LWW so well, though..

Since this doesn’t have much of a plot, I’d hesitate to call it a story, but it’s certainly a very perceptive character study of a very interesting character. Good work!
Quasar-Hunter chapter 1 . 1/25/2014
First, I'd like to say that you chose and excellent title. It makes sense (since cold kind of does burn), but still makes people wonder.

I love how you projected her thoughts. They flow together with a sweet poetry and the imagery you use is vivid, dramatic and really adds to the story. You did an excellent job capturing a variety of emotions, particularly in her determination. You do a wonderful job balancing her traits so that she's not just 100% evil. I can sympathize with her somewhat in that she wanted to be the one he chose–– almost like she wanted his blessing. It adds depth and dimension that I thoroughly enjoyed reading.

If I had to give any criticism (which is difficult to find, since this is practically flawless, in my opinion), I'd say to let her thoughts meander across some of her failures. Your mention of failure stalking her path piqued my interest and I wanted to read a bit more about it, since I know so little about Jadis.

Overall, this was a fantastic read! I enjoyed watching the tide of emotions that carries a reader through the piece. I'd say you captured her character very, very well. Great job!
Rosawyn chapter 1 . 12/2/2013
I am a huge fan of the Narnia books, and I also enjoyed the movies so far. I do not generally read Narnia fanfiction, though, so this will be something of a first for me. :)

The A/N at the end made me smile – I didn't expect that most people would actually agree with the White Witch, lol. ;) And villains (or at least, not quite so nice characters) do tend to be loads of fun to write! :)

I like the opening here. It seems very in character for the White Witch to pace and dislike being still. I also love how she refers to "the Aslan problem."

The poetic language to describe the sunset is lovely. I had to read it twice to grasp the meaning, but then I grinned when I did get it. Very, very nice.

She really is the sort of villain who takes action rather than waiting patiently. Decisive and ambitious - like many traits, they aren't evil, just dangerous when coupled with cruelty and such.

It really does seem like she's going to win at this point. No logic suggests that Aslan sacrificing himself could ultimately lead to her defeat.

And she is jealous of the children Aslan chose to rule Narnia. A bit ironic, really, since she sounds quite like a petulant child here, lol.

The metaphor in the very last line is good. Since the White Witch is so associated with ice, it's very fitting. And I'm sure we've all felt that sort of cold, so cold it burns.
Edhla chapter 1 . 11/21/2013
Thought I'd pick this one, as it's been a while since I last read a decent Narnia fic.

"She is the queen!" I like the image of Jadis pacing as it really suits her impatient personality as well as the circumstances she's under, but I wonder if this part overlabours the point a little, telling rather than showing. For my tastes I'd prefer a deeper insight into her brain, but that's possibly a very subjective thing.

Excellent descriptions in the second paragraph in particular; the "sea of fire" is an instant favourite and a very striking mental image, and "cracking the silence" appeals to the aural; I really enjoy this form of writing more than just the visual sense.

I really liked the likening her to an eagle rather than a spider... again striking imagery and great use of metaphor, but again, I do wonder if that paragraph tends toward saying the same thing repeatedly in several ways.

"Chilling blue" is striking and I really like it, but it seems a bit too close to the expression "icy blue"; the repetition was noticeable.

Those last two sentences are absolutely gorgeous.

Quick note on your A/N... since it's fiction by default I'm not sure you need to specify you don't support the series' villain. The earlier part of your A/N I would perhaps reconsider, too - it isn't necessary for an understanding of your work, and is a bit of a mood crash!

Keep writing x
Route One chapter 1 . 11/20/2013
Hey there!

I really like the line [Perhaps... subjugate time] because it captures the sort of adventurous mysticism found in C.S Lewis's works. The reference to Charn really helps to set up her character - and I'm happy to see that the inspiration for this piece moves beyond the movies, which started at the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. If you ever plan to extend this or move it beyond a one-shot, I'd highly recommend that you build on this. Seeing an independent, slighted side of the White Queen is very interesting.

The title is very clever, but I feel that it would be far more powerful if you had more references or symbolism in regards to ice and heat. Maybe by juxtaposing the idea of her passion, hot and eager to conquer her foes, with the cold fate soon to arrive for said foes (an example being if you expanded on the 'purple summer' introduced in the fourth paragraph. In fact, it is actually very ironic that Jadis, while impatient for things to move forward, is at the same time keeping the seasons from flowing; it shows how greedy she truly is, to ask for personal development when not even nature itself is allowed to grow under her command. With C.S Lewis's stories so deeply rooted in religion, I'd say that it is entirely intentional: 'sinning' was once a term used in archery, from when the arrow missed its mark. In the story, Jadis's faith and desires miss the mark as well, and the cold world she surrounds herself with represents her folly.

Sorry for all of the thinking, but your story really set me onto doing so. Great work!
LornaWinters chapter 1 . 1/7/2013
Yeah, you really captured the white witch! Great job! I like how she's pacing the whole time. It shows the reader that she's not quite as confident as she thinks she is.
Saoirse7 chapter 1 . 10/25/2012
This is good! I love your vivid descriptions in here, especially the contrast between her waiting as a spider and her waiting as an eagle. It captures her mindset pretty well, too. I hope you'll continue!
Morgaur chapter 1 . 10/22/2012
That has got some really awesome imagery. 'Kindling her realm of ice into a sea of fire' is amazing.
I agree with the White Witch thinks - or what you've made her think. That's my mindset - well, almost, as I'm a guy and she's not. But still.
Nice fic.
MCH chapter 1 . 10/19/2012
great to have a story about Jadis that looks at what she feels about what Aslan has agreed to do and what she will do next after Aslan has died. She see Aslan as being weak not having the strength to swoop down and take Narnia like an eagle. She certain did seal the fate of Narnia but not how she saw it.

I'm sure your teacher will be pleased with your story.
Gaia was Framed chapter 1 . 10/18/2012
AMAZING. You nailed the character of Jadis. I felt like I was there watching her.

Great job! Thanks for sharing!

songsmith chapter 1 . 10/17/2012
Ooh, this is nicely done! Great job getting us into her head.
Elfera chapter 1 . 10/17/2012
I hate that stupid witch.
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