|Reviews for Journey|
| Stacye White chapter 9 . 2/3
Thank you for this delightful story!
| 100recycled chapter 1 . 1/15
The wedding vows around 1850 in Brittain might not have been "I do". Some of the language in the following chapters seems to modern too - but I'm not a native speaker so I might be mistaken.
| marion tickner chapter 9 . 12/3/2020
An excellent continuation of the story, sets just the right tone and rounds it off so nicely. Congratulations, it must have taken ages but you did a great job. Many thanks.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/3/2019
This story has the potential to be very good. Your thought process with the story works very well, albeit I think you slightly overdid some of the characterisations. Mrs Thornton was a bit of a caricature of the wicked mother-in-law after a while, which was a bit distracting, and John spoke to his mother in a way I just don't think he would at times, although I do think he would have stood up for Margaret. I think you have made Margaret somewhat timider and more reserved than Gaskell originally did. She would have wanted to be polite to Hannah, I'm sure, but I think she would have also asserted her place as his wife and I think Hannah would have respected her for doing so.
The way you write of John and Margaret being somewhat torn between propriety, the feelings they share and the way they choose to express those feelings is generally well written, but again, I think it is slightly overdone. It is something of a myth that the Victorians were entirely prudish, even if society did have its rules.
I think you need to look back at some of the expressions John uses in particular. Some of the things he says are just too modern and, forgive me, too American. This jars with the tone of the story.
The spelling errors, least where you mean last, to instead of too, in places, is very distracting, as is the use of double comma's where you should have quotation marks. It takes away from the story quite a bit. You should also split speech between two or more people up. I used to run things people said together in my writing in the way you have in this, but it makes it harder for people to read and work out who says what after a while.
The ending comes a bit abruptly for my taste. The story feels somewhat unfinished. It would have been nice to see Margaret's relationship with Hannah developing and how Margaret finds her place at the mill. I'm sure John and Margaret's love wouldn't change, but it would have been nice to watch their relationship develop and even see how they might deal with conflict, especially once they get back to something of a normal life at the mill.
My advice is that you should get someone to read your story, whether someone you know or a beta, and ask them to work through correcting it with you. If you would do that it would improve the story a great deal. There is nothing wrong with your idea, the story in itself works very well and for the most part, you have expressed it sensitively, although I think it needs work in places, but with some corrections it has the potential to be very good indeed.
| urata.halimi chapter 9 . 12/28/2018
Such a good story and so well written! Well done, thank you!
| Kloot chapter 9 . 10/15/2018
Loved this. Thank you.
| diahsari chapter 1 . 7/21/2018
wonderful love story between John and Margaret. Thank you.
| Babelvr54 chapter 9 . 5/18/2018
This story is so well written and I love the way you explored their married life without it seeming crude. The formatting is weird because the paragraphs break out in the middle and that takes away from the flow... maybe you could repost the chapters?
Nonetheless, this is a perfectly written story and is going to be one of my favourites
| CrystalPavillion chapter 9 . 6/15/2017
wonderful story and insightful. Strongly developed characters and just lovely scenes between them.
| sillybilly4 chapter 9 . 7/11/2016
yep, u did good! love love love this story. wouldn't mind it going on a few chapters!
| nancyjeanne chapter 9 . 5/16/2016
Wonderful, thank you!
| rach13975 chapter 9 . 4/18/2016
Wow throughly enjoyed reading your story absolutely lovely
| Obs. B chapter 9 . 10/10/2015
I enjoyed your depictions of their characters and their relationship, thanks!
| Starlite62 chapter 9 . 6/29/2015
Thank you so much for giving me the honeymoon that I had imagined for them.
| TashaRose chapter 5 . 3/27/2015
Absolutely beautiful moments.