Reviews for Magos
Luna Rapunzel chapter 1 . 5/26
Hello! I'm a moderator at The Reviews Lounge, Too, forum and communities, where your story was recommended for inclusion in our WIP archive. The link's on my profile, so feel free to check us out if you're interested in learning more about what we do!

I have to say that, honestly, I was floored by how good this chapter was. As a small formatting note, I did feel a little bogged down by how long this chapter was, and I think it might have served you better to split it into two chapters, one for each of the two scenes in between the page break. Stylistically, this was fantastic, though, and I was especially pleased with your characterizations and with the pacing and buildup of your rising action.

From the outset, you do an incredible job of characterizing both Terra and Locke - particularly Terra and the way you make her so sympathetic with her frustration with her amnesia and her total lack of comprehension about how people work and how to interact with them normally. It's heartbreaking to see her frustration with herself during all of these moments where she inadvertently says something rude to Locke without intending it (like what comes across to him like an accusation of being a criminal, regardless of whether that's factually accurate) and especially the moment where he puts his arms around her in order to steer from behind her while they're climbing on top of the bird and she completely freezes up and then is lamenting how she doesn't understand why she can't just be /normal/ - that was so painful, and it really made Terra feel human and made me feel empathetic to her difficulty with social interactions. I think balance is your strongest point here: you reveal a lot of information about the way that her social obliviousness and her amnesia make her feel and affect her everyday interactions, but you do it very gradually and consistently throughout the story, giving tons of examples of how it's actually impacting her and working in her feelings and reactions as they happen and not just info dumping "AND HERE'S MY MAIN CHARACTER AND HERE ARE HER PROBLEMS" in a giant passage at the beginning like it's so easy to fall into doing. But you don't, and that's wonderful. I'm also extremely curious to learn who Terra used to be, and you do a tantalizing job of dropping hints ("not a killer" and lines like that) to draw me into her story.

Locke is really well written, too; through Terra's eyes, you quickly and successfully are able to convey a lot of things about his personality (his good nature, his humor, his defensiveness), and I especially adored the moment where his "anger vanished" when Terra changes the subject by accusing him of sounding "like a worrying old grandmother." You'd expect that kind of accusation to make somebody /become/ angry, or at least mock-angry, so it says so much about Locke's character that the opportunity to jest with others like that is something that for him completely diffused a heated moment rather than inciting one to happen or to worsen. His backstory with how he knows the king, his thieving past, and his lost family were really, really interesting to read about, too, and it gave Locke some great complexity to see how he's had this fascinating and in many ways painful life and yet still - at least on the surface - is incredibly easygoing and free-spirited.

There were some great moments of humor, like with trying to get Albert to comply at the beginning - actually, in that whole scene, I also really enjoyed the moment where Terra demonstrates her powers to Albert as sort of a counter-point to how Locke's "threats" are obviously empty ones. I had a little bit of a hard time following some of the political threads, but I'm not familiar with this fandom, so I can't be sure whether that's a reflection on muddled worldbuilding or just my lack of familiarity with a setting that your readers would presumably already know about.

I'll absolutely be adding this story to our archives. Well done on an excellent start!
Lexik chapter 13 . 12/29/2014
Gestahl. It's completely him. And you do him justice as not only an important antagonist, but the mastermind who nearly conquered the world the old fashioned way. A dangerous, crafty man.

Wow, Terra changed so much within her time spent off camera, and I would say it was definitely for the better. :)

That battle, though. Yikes. Tired beyond desperation, beyond focus, and well beyond limit, but they had to just keep fighting. Then comes in Kefka, pointing lightning death until he ran out of magic as well. Heh. I enjoyed many details here. Terra's wild, primal power source, the way Celes's vision hazed and darkened with exhaustion, eventually caving to hysteria, the gentle frost as she snuffed her reserves, the consequences of total burn out, Edgar's splint, Locke's bandana, the magic seeping into the rocks from the broken elixir, and the machine that is Celes's cold and pragmatic cynicism.

On a much lighter note . . . Edgar . . . Named his autobow. And a cute girly name at that. Excuse me while I facepalm XD

His returning the runic blade to Celes was very telling.

The introduction to this last Celes chapter had me grinning with anticipation: thousand foot drop shortcut, and the lady has a plan. Celes's demonstration of cheating at fishing made me chuckle, too.

Hmm, and a satisfying close. I'm glad Celes got to see Rachel. A sad, sad story indeed.

Kudos :)
Lexik chapter 9 . 12/27/2014
The Gerad charade popping up as soon as the alliance dissolves works well.

It occurs to me that usually people have Sabin do the adopting with Gau. I think. Or at least that was the apparent trend last time I ventured through this fandom, and admittedly, it's been awhile. I digress.

In any case, here you've got Cyan doing the fathering. And I like it. Because really, why not? He's still raw from losing his family, but the dabbling with the matter of the wounded soldier and his girlfriend proves that he desires to help others mend their own familial bonds. If anything, the experience you've shown increases Cyan's capacity for compassion, and has me thinking, "Well, of course he'd adopt Gau! A father without for a boy without."

Dang. Your Celes is so cold. And the funny thing about it is, half of it she's well aware of (the malevolent inner voice, the old general's persona) and the other half. . . Well, I get the impression a lot of the things she says are harsh, indifferent, and downright chilly, and that she herself doesn't quite realize it. Like her line about finding a normal family to adopt Gau. There are nice ways to say that. Her way was most definitely not nice. Nor was anything else she phrased for that matter.

But Locke finds a way to melt the Ice Queen.
Lexik chapter 7 . 12/26/2014
Figaro Castle's secrets were absolutely delightful. A mechanical masterpiece like Figaro most certainly ought to be filled with all sorts of hidden passages and crafty devices.

Then there was Kefka. Chilly, marvelous, bad rainbow Kefka.

A strange tidbit in Sabin's first section puzzled me. A career in limnotics? What in the world are you talking about? My best guess is that it's a piece of sideways British humor, in which case, it's beyond my American mind. Heh.

The escapade from the base camp was absolutely hilarious, and I've had a ton of fun retelling your driving misadventure with a blind ninja at the wheel to a few friends.

Such a sharp contrast to following gravity at the seige and seeing the results of Kefka's poison.

Loved the way Sabin gradually, naturally cracked through Shadow's shell.

I admit, I had wondered why the group abandoned the magitek at the mountains in game. Well, aside from game balance. The poor thing just breaking down certainly makes sense though.

Personally, I found the jumping around quite nice. It took me a little while to adjust to Sabin's viewpoint, but he certainly did not disappoint. Except since the timeframe was set so far back, the chances of seeing Gau looked pretty bleak, and that saddened me a bit. Then, you jumped again, and lo and behold, there the kid was. :3

Better yet, you built up to the Gau's talents by explaining Blitz and nature 'magic.' And I wondered. I'd always just assumed Gau learned to mimic in order to survive after his very not sane father threw him out, but here, you've laid the ground for Gau to have possibly been picking up monster tricks since before then. Then, you went and had Shadow pretty much say, "He does it like Strago." Although with much more subtlety.

Haha, the growth of Sabin's beard. From hobo to rugged warrior to anthropophobic miser, it's all good.

Kudos :)
Lexik chapter 2 . 12/18/2014
Wow. Barely started, and I'm already thoroughly impressed.

Can I say I love it all? Terra's mechanical thought processing and Locke's casually babbling slang were the first things to stand out and steal my heart.

And the descriptions. They're all so fitting for this world and vivid without being cumbersome. Locke looking like a Albrookian pirate, the colors of the chocobos and herbivore diet that Terra persistently doubts. Then the gears on the castle, the obviously less than local stone, and Terra's odd thought about the place lacking permanence, which is exactly correct, but of course she had no idea at the time.

Terra's interaction with the child was both lovely and saddening, especially the fate of the clown down and her meltdown. Edgar's womanizing proved extraordinarily awkward. Although it's supposed to be like that, what with Terra stonewalling him without even really meaning to, so all is well.

Kudos :)
Disposition chapter 13 . 4/7/2014
I'm so lucky that this fic I just found updated so much! This is a fantastic chapter. I don't know what I can say without repeating what I said in my last reviews, but: I love all the details you add (the poster with Locke's face in it sticks from the first part), the ice toboggan, the care with your description of thedress, the interaction with the innkeeper's daughter. This is all wonderfully written and I'm going to have run rereading and rerereading every last bit.
Girl-chama chapter 13 . 4/5/2014
Page breaks are in the formatting after you upload the document you can play around in the editor.
Girl-chama chapter 10 . 4/5/2014
Girl-chama chapter 6 . 4/5/2014
Interesting. And Sabin's chapter draws to a close, but you handled it very well.
Girl-chama chapter 5 . 4/5/2014
Good grief, even the fight scenes are really good. You do an excellent job of showing how magic can overpower anyone, even someone as physically tough as Kefka.

The turn around on Kefka's poisoning of Doma was good, too. There's no reason that someone of Kefka's disposition would show anyone his cards, much less Leo, before he had already gotten his way, perhaps especially if he had already gotten his way. He's too sneaky and underhanded to risk losing out.

When we started seeing the Doma bodies I felt so sad, almost like a drama or something playing out in front of me. These people who probably died really violent, painful deaths, and not just in the castle, and not just in their sleep, but without warning and without the honorable death that would probably be so important to them. I'm curious as to how you'll explain Cyan's being absent to avoid the death as he no doubt would have been present during a siege.
Girl-chama chapter 4 . 4/5/2014
As an audience member, these long chapters are absolutely delicious. Of course, your writing is good enough that I would not mind seeing your take on what's going on in the characters' heads during scenes we're already familiar with, but I understand that you probably want to write something fresh, as well, and not just something we're already familiar with :)

I really, really appreciate your characterization of everyone so far. When you're writing from a particular perspective you do an excellent job of capturing their voice and giving some real depth to the world. In the case of this chapter, I really loved the dialogue between the two lieutenants, gaming over who had it worse in their roles.

I loooove how you write Sabin- not a meathead but someone who's different focus and perspective shows that he cares about things going on, just in a very different way than the others in the story.

I'm really looking forward to continuing reading and just wanted to compliment you on how many chapters you've put out lately. Looking forward to catching up.

Oh, finally, speaking of your writing style, you should really, really consider writing your own novel. Your style is so engaging and thoughtful that it's a pleasure to read and I am sure it would be with your own characters and story, too.
MoogleTerra chapter 13 . 3/14/2014
Sodding hell, you know how to toy with somebody's heartstrings, don't cha? (And it doesn't help that the particular song I've had on repeat adds to the emotions...XD)
This chapter was utterly heartbreaking! (Though the bit about the tobogganing was hilarious! I love seeing Edgar and Cyan interacting, honestly :D )
The part that got to me in particular was when Locke saw how Celes was dressed. That just drove it home for me. (I remembered the green dress Rachel's sprite wore in the game. Oh gods, that hurt.)
This was purely fantastic, Mog! Bravo Figaro! I eagerly await your next installments!
MoogleTerra chapter 11 . 3/14/2014
The last two chapters were so engrossing to read. (I'm going to go back later on and review part III.) I had the funniest image of Edgar firing his crossbow when I got to that part!
It's very fascinating to see how Celes' state of mind came to be, and I just love your characterization of her. :) And the Emperor is very intimidating! I enjoyed how you showed his manipulation tactics!
ValkyrieCeles chapter 13 . 3/13/2014
I have been avidly reading this story for about...a month now I believe: since the first chapter 3 update. Read straight through it to now (actually read the pre-existing sections in about 2 days lol). I freaking love this story. Honestly, the best novelization I've read. I usually like to log into my account to review and have issues doing so lately, but I just had to leave a review for this story because I love it so much. Every character is depicted so wonderfully! And I absolutely adored chapter 3: you portray Celes so elegantly and so capable and so innocent and and just ugh exactly how I picture her, and I can never write her like you do and I just love it. I usually am not the biggest fan of how people write the Locke/Celes relationship, but once again you capture the intimacy and yet awkward growing pains of it, and of Celes' struggles in general. Love your depictions of Edgar and Locke too (honestly, every character I adore XD): just stellar stellar job expanding and re-creating this world and really making it something alive, realistic, and beautiful to us diehard fans. Please keep updating and please keep up the amazing work! This is my favorite story to read on currentlyI’ve been avidly reading this story since the beginning of Febuary: finished the up to date sections in about 2 days then started chapter 3. I have issues logging into and like leaving reviews logged in, but just had to leave a review for this story because I love it so much. I could gush about it for days: The way you characterize every character is just so endearing and realistic, and I really feel for each and every character. I even find myself liking characters I don’t really like in game because of the way you characterize them (Cyan and Gau come to mind) but I absolutely love how you write celes! She’s my favorite character and you just paint her in a way I never can when I write her: So whitty and yet elegant and yet innocent and lost and it’s just beautiful to read. I adore how you portray Celes and Lockes’s relationship: I usually don’t like how authors write it, but you really add this realistic sort of intimacy and yet keep the awkward growing pains of a “I like like you but we’re just friends” sort of relationship. And the Rachel scene was so great! And I love that you actually have them changing clothes and stuff to add that much more realism to the story.

I also love the world expansion you’ve given this story: you’ve just painted the FFVI world so wonderfully and make it so much more interesting with so many layers that just make this story a beautiful read and I adore each and every minute of it XD like seriously the way you portray the world is just breathtaking and it really makes the story that much more interesting.

…that was longer then I intended XD but please keep on updating, and please continue the amazing job! This is currently my favorite story to read on , so thank you so much!
MoogleTerra chapter 9 . 3/13/2014
Good gravy, you updated a lot without me noticing! Hahaha :) I'm glad to see that you're back in action, Salty Mog!
This chapter was soooooo fun to read! The way that Locke and Celes are interacting is very entertaining and fluid, so cheers to that! I don't have many constructive things to say because I'm just in love with this novelization.

The part about the Bank Heist and the Bird Gala reminded me immediately of The Lies of Locke Lamora because "Yay! Child thieves!" Wahaha! Little Locke Cole participating in a bank heist! I love it!
Again, super wonderful job! (I adore your characterization of Celes so so sooooo much)
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