|Reviews for Sasuke Potter|
| TheBlackSeaReaper chapter 3 . 10/31/2012
looooooooooooove it a lot. cant wait to read more. keep up the wonderful writing. update soon please and good luck with the next chapter.
| DTDY chapter 2 . 10/29/2012
Wonderful, I am loving this story.
| Reichenfaust chapter 2 . 10/28/2012
I really like reincarnated fics, especially when you change the jackass character into someone who is similar to the original main character of the story.
| Furionknight chapter 2 . 10/27/2012
I look forward to more :)
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/27/2012
oh man... the grammar got at least three times worse than the first chapter. I couldn't even keep track of it all it was so bad.
Sorry compadre but i'm calling it quits on this fic here and now if it's going to make my brain melt from just trying to read it.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/27/2012
some pretty terrible grammatical errors here.
mind is not the same as MIGHT. The Hokage MIGHT do something.. not "mind do something"
were is not the same as we're. we're WE ARE as in WE ARE going to do something.
dope is not the word classically used in the sense of this fandom. It is DOBE which Dead Last.
Other that some of the mind numbing erros such as above and in the talks with hokage and advisors this seems like a decent start alebit an inferior version of Uchiha Fukurou.
| vete chapter 2 . 10/27/2012
An interesting story. I can see why Harry would react like that with his own childhood and considering that he is older mentally then other kids he would speak up and not let it continue. Going to be fun to see where you will take this story considering how both Naruto and Sasuke was in canon. Wondering if he will go on a deep cover mission when Orochimaru takes an interest in him. Got a few more questions lingering in my head but I am going to wait to see if I get my answers in the next few chapters.
| Adam Durlock chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
Like other reviews have mentioned, the grammar, tensing, and structure could use some work. It can get to be pretty jarring at some points but it is good.
Try and invest in a Beta before posting a chapter, or giving it once or even two-over before you do.
There are some minor punctuation errors here and there, but they don't frequently popup all that often. Also, look into using a program that has a spellcheck for you. It'll fix small problems like when you don't capitalize the letter i. Or double cap a couple letters like: "EHh?! You're saying I'm dumb?!" near the end of the chapter.
For the most part, I see the biggest problems coming from your mixups between tenses. You sometimes switch between present and past tense mid-sentence.
Your emphasis with italics, however, seems to be almost completely spot on.
Keep up the good work. Especially since English isn't your first language, fanfiction you enjoy writing is a good way to work on things.
And one final note: I think instead of 'Nande' It's probably better to go with 'Nani' which means, 'What'
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
EMS comes with condition of feeling the full guilt of murdering a friend (which is requirement of MS, and based on how AU Harry is it is possible as soon as he activates his Sharingan), and implanting eyes of a sibling (which would happen as soon as Itachi allows it), so you can't give him EMS just like that.
Kusanagi is monopolized by Orochimaru so unless he gives it to Sasuke (and I think it comes with "Evil Hickey of Doom package") there's no chance of obtaining it... I think.
But a sword capable of channeling Sasuke's lightning chakra should probably be able to do the trick.
So far so good, though the adoption part was kind of unnecessary (as even with Harry/Sasuke's output it didn't happen anyways) , and for someone who had all his family killed, and seeing every kill a dozen times curtsy of Itachi's Tsukuyomi, he acted waaaaay to nonchalant.
| lordamnesia chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
Very well done, I like this start, so keep up the great work!
| IngridUlfsdatter chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
I think my favorite part of this chapter is when Sasuke/Harry asks the Hokage 'If I would just quietly walk in here and speak in a monotone voice, who would take notice? Who can I move without emotions?' - if you do decide to rewrite that section, I hope you keep those two lines, because they are so true, and absolutely the emotional highlight of the chapter (for me, anyway). Also, Sasuke and Naruto living together when they are kids is one of my favorite fandom AU tropes, and I certainly wouldn't mind some 'slice of life' type scenes of the two of them together later on, if you were at all inclined to write them. Maybe Naruto cultivates a garden in the Uchiha district? Sasuke/Harry lets Naruto borrow his shirt with the Uchiha fan on it? Naruto cooks dinner (well or badly)? Iruka buys ramen for them both? Something else entirely?
I did pick up on a few grammar issues. It looks like someone has already mentioned the flipped subject/verb that happens a couple of times, especially in the beginning of this chapter - for example, the second sentence of the second paragraph begins:
'Annoyed stretched Harry his arm...' and should actually be
'Annoyed, Harry stretched his arm...'
Also, he's got a blanket, not a blanked.
The other thing that I noticed is that you like to change your verb tenses from past to present - though that was actually a lot more noticeable in the last chapter. Mostly you keep to the past tense, but sometimes you switch from sentence to sentence, past to present, or sometimes even in the same sentence. For example, in the first scene of this chapter you have the line:
'He doesn't know why, but suddenly his left eye, only his left eye, began to change color. He doesn't even know when it started, but his eye became gradually greener.
You're starting out this sentence with the verb 'doesn't' in present tense, and you've got 'began' next which is past tense - present tense would be 'begins'. The next sentence starts back in present tense with 'doesn't' again, and ends again in the past tense with 'became'. It doesn't really matter which tense you pick, but it reads pretty strange when you switch back and forth.
I hope that explanation made sense - I'm not much of a teacher. Please don't let the grammar issues discourage you, I really like the idea you've got going here, and I'd like to see more of it.
| Rakith chapter 2 . 10/25/2012
| Fluehatraya chapter 2 . 10/25/2012
I noticed that you often placed the pronoun after a verb, when usually it would come before. 'He spoke', for example, is more common than 'spoke he'. The latter isn't necessarily grammatically incorrect, but it has an older feeling typically reserved for religious texts and books written quite a time ago.
Yay, Naruto moved into Harry/Sasuke's apartment complex. I can imagine a ton of friends that he eventually picks up just moving in with them.
| TheBlackSeaReaper chapter 2 . 10/25/2012
i loooove it a lot. cant wait to read more. keep up the wonderful writing. it would be very hilarious for Harry to shout Constant Vigilance whenever he meets Ibiki. update soon please and good luck with the next chapter.
| Acolyte of the Blood Moon chapter 2 . 10/25/2012
By the way HOW did Harry die? In ch 1, he thinks that this is how he dies, how stupid, but never mentions exactly how did he die. It's annoying.