|Reviews for Naruto's Secret|
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/20
an anbu captain and s rank level ninja cant sense a henge of a 12 year old boy with chakra control issues. hah!?
then when you said guys are messy whilw girls are cleaner. wow sexist much.
thanks for the read
| bluesnowflakes21 chapter 19 . 7/6
This was a really beautiful story, thank you for completing it... :)
| betareader145 chapter 19 . 3/10
i finally found this fiction after searching for it for almost three years. it is a great fiction and i wish there were more chapters to read. tho it is complete, i just wanted to read more of it. i actually felt emotions and not many fictions have that. that is how good the story is
| Guest chapter 19 . 1/16
Dammit there should be a fucking sequel
| Guest chapter 19 . 1/12
It's so adorable and wonderful and I had to read it in stealth mode because I'm home for the holidays with my Southern Baptist mother. Otherwise she'll think I'm a Jinchuriki. I love this.
| XxTaintedxDaggerxX chapter 19 . 12/31/2015
So happy you shared this with us! So beautifully written and delicately thought out!
| Aya Wanderlust chapter 19 . 12/10/2015
Gosh. Great ending but i want so desperately to know how the team takes their relationship! Aaaa... this is driving me crazeeh.. LOL. love the story btw. A bit shocking at first on how young naruto was but the plot was great and story well written. Me likes. ;P
| RavenWhiteMoi chapter 4 . 11/24/2015
That actually happens? The 'your subconscious doing it's own' thing? Wow...
| Camilarf31 chapter 19 . 11/18/2015
| Alterant chapter 19 . 9/26/2015
Awesome story... Just want to let you know it was one of the most enjoyable reads I've read on this site. Thanks for writing.
| CactusJuiceLoopy chapter 19 . 9/17/2015
That was so fucking creepy, not even because of the whole fake age oh-my-god-this-bastard-is-going-at-a-13-fucking-year-old (and I assure you that is FUCKING CREEPY). No, it was the whole emotional whirlwind that is this fucked up man who, in the end, doesn't improve himself and sorta has abusive tendencies. Naru ended acting more like the adult then the fucking 35 year old did. The fuck why is Kakashi a shinobi? This was emotionally revolting.
I hate flaming, honestly not my love. However, for shit! What the hell is with this emotionally constipated, overly idiotic, mess! Seriously this shit was dun wrong! It was a good idea but the execution. Most 13 year olds no matter how "mature" or love seeking would have sex with a 30something year old man, AFTER THEY SAID NO, because they were really feeling that "damn connection". I honestly do not know what fantasy you are employing but get off the fucking wagon its bothersome, and disturbing in the lightest of senses. What you just exampled was not love, it was a creep praying on a girl at least 10 years younger than him pushing her into a relationship rather quickly for a girl he knew was inexperienced. Despite the consent in the relationship there is still the open fact that most likely Naruto hasn't hit his full sexual maturity (peaks for boys in there 20s 7 more years kid) and so basically wouldn't really know what the fuck to do even if an older man was guiding him. With the leading fact that not a one is, there is no way that he knows what the hell a relationship is. Also at this point in time his emotional, full emotional maturity that would really let him be able to think through his decision of getting into the relationship ISNT THERE YET. Realistically the kid would be screwed the fuck up by this. His body and brain just aren't there yet and he has the dickhead named kakashi pushing all HIS problems all on top of naru and giving naru no support of his own as he explores his feeling, his bodies needs, and his minds needs. No matter how mature or even stable the kid is, that would weigh him down and eventually bomb the relationship.
No matter what your fantasies are to be a good writer you have to acknowledge that relationships, people, the whole situation, and your blatant ignorance of fucking logic (ANBU captain didn't notice a genin's henge because... "I'm the writer don't question me") doesn't work. In no real life situation (which is what you're trying to do, as a writer you're trying to make this sound real to the reader) would a relationship, which is push and pull (before sex comes honest friendship, not just love doped words after 6 months of knowing each other.), work like this. A teenage boy would cave, because this is his first real relationship, because he's so young, so confused, because he's REAL. He would cave because he doesn't feel solid in his gender (girl or boy), because he's confused as to why he/she is in love with a man. He would fucking cave because emotions don't actually swing like a pendulum it takes a long build up before the outburst of anger or love comes out (which again you didn't show us). HE WOULD CAVE because the kid is confused about what love is because he's never received or felt it in that way. There are so many reasons why this hookup game that your trying to play off wouldn't work, to the point that its sad and scary that you think that this is realistic.
People are messed up in various fucking ways but acknowledge that you are entirely ignoring the character that your basing this off of. Kakashi is fucked up but there needs to be a line drawn between fucked up and psychotic. He is abusive, controlling, obsessive, stupid, obnoxious, pretentious and so maddeningly unlikable, unchanging and fake that it really rather disgusting seeing his thoughts and dialogue . He was a whiny confused brat for the majority of the writing. he overly relied on one person without helping them. And then your saying that mature Naru would go back to that? After he literally tried to kill him? I call bullshit because even if he did for whatever reason, (people don't go back or forgive people after they TRY to kill them if they are completely stable) everyone who cares about him WOULD NOT HAVE LET HIM. No matter how adult like in the eyes of the other characters, he is still a child and it is completely unrealistic that they'd let him within 70 meters kakashi EVER.
The situation is shit and within the actual boundaries of the characters it would not happen, Unless there was some major character development seen instead of referred growth in the characters. That would mean you would have to actually type words to fill in the much missed plot. It is lazy writing to refer to things, show us that Naru has grown, or that Kakashi's not a self-serving airhead. Or show the slow struggle of his peers coming to accept the relationship. Or Naru coming to terms with his own feelings. Also no story should revolve around romance! Tell us about struggles with gender, Konoha people, Ochimaru, anything! Your a lazy writer for not taking the time to show us these things.
Hes a fucking shinobi if a genin can trick him then you are seriously fooling the shit up. This would've been SHUT DOWN by the Sandamaime, the all of it. he's 13 in his first relationship the moment Kakashi knew that he shouldn't have gone ballistic, he should act like an adult, not pine or rely on a boy UNDER half his age, and stopped any continuances so that if later Naruto did wish to continue he'd have the assuraty of age on his hand, experimentation, and EXPERIENCE.
All in all i honestly give you a 3/10 for lack of logic and realism. un-evolving characters, theatrical love-dove relationships, lack of real plot, lazy writing. poorly thought out characters. Lack of good beta to revamp your utter shit. As well as bad message of romance, love, depression, and ptsd, and LGBT community. You had a good idea and bombed it. I'm sorry I flamed you but seriously re-write this with 90 percent less fangirl and 100% more actual writing, editing, and creativity. You CAN done better and I hope to read the revamped one soon.
Peace Out And Create A Revolution. Its the only way things change.~A CactusJuiceLoopy once said.
| laexdream chapter 19 . 8/26/2015
I like how you ended it. And I totally agree. Lemons are sometimes needed, for story and plot, but are often hard to write cause it can interfere with the flow of the story. Unless, of course, the entire plot was a gigantic lemon... But I loved your story (especially since you've completed it xD) and just, wow. Thanks for writing this, because I really had fun reading it. xD
| laexdream chapter 13 . 8/26/2015
I like how things happen that connect to the main canon plot. Like, the reason why he has to go train for three years with Jiraiya isn't only because of Akatsuki, but also because of Kakashi. Well done.
| laexdream chapter 8 . 8/26/2015
Wow. That's certainly different, and completely not what I expected.
| laexdream chapter 6 . 8/26/2015
Wow. Interesting perspective. And ouch. It's so much more different from Teacup Tempest in a way because Naruto is a boy. And that changes a lot of things - from the way he thinks to the way he acts. It's pretty interesting.