|Reviews for Reunion|
| Guile Mustang chapter 1 . 7/31/2013
The reason why I love Alfador is because whenever you bring Magus along to Last Village Commons, he follows Magus! A loyal cat he is. :P Really touching, plus the snowy environment just adds to the melancholy mood earlier. Near the end, aww, it's so heartwarming. Although Magus seems to be a cold-hearted person, he does seem to care about Alfador... If no, he should have left this little cat alone... Aw again, seeing Alfador's line of 'We are inseparable partners'. He sounds confident, and he's a loyal cat. Adorable work! :)
| ckrets chapter 1 . 11/13/2012
Aw, this was so touching. I thought your descriptions worked well and that the repetition of of Master Janus was lovely. I didn't know Alfador couldn't talk, as I am unfamiliar with canon, but when I realized he couldn't, it made the inner thoughts that much more precious. I loved this because it was warmhearted and cute. I loved the reunion scene and gahhhh...stories about animal loyalty always melt my heart. I love that Alfador went to the place where he last saw Janus, and that he patiently waited for his Master's return, loyal and optimistic. I would have been so sad if Janus had died and never returned, leaving a brokenhearted Alfador. Gosh, this is an unfamiliar fandom and you've struck me with feels. asldjalsdjasldjk
| Edhla chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
Disclaimer: Fandom n00b.
This is the second thing I've reviewed from you and, like the first, it really shows that you have a way with words. The first part is striking, especially when you use very unique verbs like "spraying" to describe sunlight and the way "rubble tumbling" sounds in the mind's ear. I love it.
It's a sweet story (I am a sucker for cats :p) and a very easy, pleasurable read.
I would once again suggest that maybe you run through this and identify any parts where your phrases become vague or don't have that "pop" that you've got elsewhere. For example, "as he saw Alfador running closer to him" is a little awkward, and "a cold sensation" is a given when takling about walking through snow.
The dialogue (external and internal) seems a little tell-not-show ("because of your affection to me", which might read better as "your affection FOR me" or "your affection toward me", and "ever since the Ocean Palace collapsed"). Still, not being canon-savvy, I don't know if this is in-character or not so you may well have this down. :)
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. x
| Schala A. Zeal chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
Touching. This is very sentimental I believe!
| Vampcoffee chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
Probably just nitpicks, but there were some odd word choices in this piece for example here "preventing the sun from spraying its light to the snowy square." and here "Although Janus was just as short as an imp". They aren't wrong, they're just, unconventional. In fact, did not find a single grammar of punctuation error; your phrasing and sequence of events are easy to follow.
I could have used a little more explanation concerning the Ocean Palace and the significance of it the event that took place. As it is, the emotions of the reunion don't come across very strong. Overall, I enjoyed it.
| HeroesAmongUs chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
First off, I know absolutly nothing about this series, didn't even know there was something called Chrono Trigger. However, this was fantasically wrote, I loved the first line. "Snowflakes drifted straight down, indicating that the wind current was absent. Dense grey clouds filled the sky, preventing the sun from spraying its light to the snowy square." I thought it was a simple and beautiful description and it grabbed me. The rest of this one shot flew nicely. Nothing felt disjointed or out of place. Well done, very well wrote.
| SunnyStorms chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
I liked how you had him recognize his Master because his affection was the same. It was a great detail that reflected what their relationship was like. I also liked the setting you used with the snow and the children playing as the backdrop to their meeting, and the little details like the blue-hair children made me curious about the world you've set this in. This was a short scene, but it conveyed what it needed without dragging on.
Just a couple minor things I thought I'd point out:
"he couldn't help shaking its tail" - I think you meant "his tail" since he refers to himself as a he.
"water-like smell of the fresh snow" - I get what you were trying to get at, but because snow is frozen water, it's not really as effective a simile
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 10/25/2012
This is nicely brief, not overstaying its welcome, and there's a nice, subtle weirdness here - I like the way 'blue hair' is casually mentioned, as a for-instance, to tip me off that, canonically, this is a different world than everyday earth. The snowflakes and the scene of the snowball fight were well-done, and I liked the contrast of older Janus with the kids.
If I have one critique besides SPAG, it's that I'd like to see a bit more non-humanness to Alfador: the thoughts work to tell me that he's some sort of loyal pet, as well as the fur, but since he's the narrator, I'd like to see him do something foxlike or otherwise animalistic beyond the nuzzling and mewing. It might be hard to fit in the brevity of the story, but if you can do so, I think that'd be useful. Maybe a bit more directness to the thoughts, to show that they're not human thoughts? Just food for, well, thought.
Hope this helps! SPAG follows.
playing snowball fight - in both AmerEng and BritEng, we'd say 'having a snowball fight.'
let the clean, water-like smell of the fresh snow overtake his senses - you don't 'let to' something, generally
Ocean Palace, as several wormholes
by only glaring - I moved this as I think you mean that's all Janus had to do/it was easy
goblins that tried to kill him - who? Janus or Alfador? pronoun is unclear
Driven curious - awkward. 'Made curious' or something along those lines
tall, with long hair swaying as
Janus said, as he saw Alfador
It seems like fate - this sentence reads awkwardly, like too much of a speech. You may want to make it more natural.
Janus put down Alfador and said - reads a bit too directly. I think if you included a bit more action, it might flow a little better.
We are inseparable partners. - You don't need a 'the' there.
| Rainhealsme chapter 1 . 10/24/2012
At first, I had no idea who Alfador was or even what he looked like. Heading towards the end of the story, I find out that he is indeed a cat. How fascinating! To tell you the truth, I thought I missed the part where you mentioned he had fur. XD
But, I'm a sucker for bonding moments, especially when it's either romantic or in this case master and pet. I also get the feeling that Alfador is a bit clingy, but that's because he's an only pet, right? Either way, I find it to be very cute and heart warming to see these two together at their little reunion. You did a great job writing this. And it makes me look forward to reading and finishing your other work since you have great grammar and sentence structure which was very easy on the eyes.
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 10/24/2012
I've been a fan of Chrono ever since it debuted. That'll tell you how old I am, ha :p
Anyway, this brought back some memories. Haven't seen this game in years. I always loved how Magus's cat recognized him even when, as an adult, he traveled into the past. And there that little cat would be.
This reunion was cute. As a suggestion, I would probably play up the cuteness and loneliness of the kitty to make the reunion that much more special. Maybe emphasize the angsty separation. Wouldn't take too many sentences, I imagine.
The world of Chrono is really beautiful, too. Maybe stick a sentence in the beginning that talks about the forest, mountains and ocean?
Or maybe describe Magus a little bit. It's interesting in this how loving he appears with the cat, when in every other way he's this intimidating wizard...and that fab long blue hair. He's a great character. He's pretty quiet and subdued yet this fierce fighter.
Anyway, this was nice. Glad you chose to write for this fandom!
| Aeci chapter 1 . 10/24/2012
There's some gorgeous imagery in this story; I liked how serene and still the scene appeared to be, with the snowflakes falling straight down and the bare tree that Alfador was sleeping under.
It would've been nice to read a little more about what Alfador was thinking upon reuniting with Janus; after all, he was just thinking "will I ever see him again?" as if the notion was far in the future, or impossible. Once the dialogue began, Alfador's internal dialogue and thoughts kinda disappeared and it felt like he wasn't as surprised or disbelieving as he could've been. This last part felt so different from the first half of the story, too - the change in tone was nice, but the amount of description really dwindled. So I think a little more of Alfador's thought process, in the form of narration, would help improve this.
"Soon, he felt a pair of warm gloved hands picked him up." - Just a tense confusion, change "picked" to "pick".
"…let the clean, water-like smell of the fresh snow to overtake his sense." - Wording is a little off in this sentence, why not try "…let the clean, water-like smell of the fresh snow overtake his senses."?
Overall, nicely done!
| Don't Mess With Aria chapter 1 . 10/23/2012
I like this story. Firstly, your description is just lovely. Slight confusion, though- unless "rubbles" is a Chronothing I'm not familiar with, you might want "rubble," used in the singular.
Sweet little story, though. Solid grammar/spelling. Interesting enough that I now want to know more about Alfie and Janus.
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 10/23/2012
To start off, I'm not a follower of Chrono Trigger, but after doing some Wiki searching, I found the main protagonist here.
Needless to say, this was such an adorable one-shot! Glad to see than Alfador got to be with Janus, his master! Such a sweet moment between the cat and his owner (and such an adorable cat he was!)
No grammar mistakes spotted, so nice work proofreading! Once again, I truly enjoyed reading this lovely written one-shot! :)
| Empress Nightshade chapter 1 . 10/23/2012
"...preventing the sun from showering its light "to" the snowy square."
-Shouldn't be "on" the snowy square?
"ozone-like smell of the fresh snow..."
-This is an interesting description. Although, what exactly does the ozone smell like? It's not very easy to picture.
"Master, I might not live until today if you hadn't saved me."
-This sentence doesn't read correctly according to the context of the story. I think maybe this would be better:
"Master, I wouldn't have lived to see today if you hadn't saved me."
-This story was short, but it still carried a lot of emotion in it. Since I don't know the fandom, it took me a while to realize that Alfador was a cat? A tiger? And that Janus is human. Also, some of the italicized dialogue feels more like it's a part of his flashback and not his thoughts in real time while he's lying in the snow. Although, it was sweet that they were reunited in the end. Keep up the good work.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 10/22/2012
Sometimes there are extra things in this that you don't need. Like you've already shown something and then you tell it as well. Also there were a few places that i thought needed -ly at the end. Maybe that was how the cat thought though. Or maybe working with kindergarteners finally rotted my brain. overall i thought the cat getting back to his owner was lovely and adorable. nice job! it put a smile on my face