|Reviews for Triumph Of A Heart|
| Blank Angel chapter 1 . 6/19/2013
Oh my gosh...!...Maricchi is adorable!...I love that child!...This whole fic was...unbelievably beautifla nd sweet, ad I just fell in love with it!...Every moment of it was PERFECT anf I'm SOOOOOO happy I came across it!...This was beautiful!...You should have been paid for this ssu!...
| sssuzuki chapter 1 . 6/5/2013
Oh my god I want more! I loved this Im surprised that the past wife didn't effect me as much as I thought, which I loved, cause I don't know, the thought erked me a little... but damn did I want more! Very good ne
| Merixel chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
This. Is. So. Cute. And beautiful.
This story is made of pure love, it warms the heart. )
| The Awesome And Imaginative chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
D'aww! Super sweet fic! W ! This fic should have more reviews plus favs! D:! Ah well...
| OtakuAme chapter 1 . 2/6/2013
*rolls around floor* so darn cute!
| PrincessLover26 chapter 1 . 1/26/2013
This is beautiful, love it.
Continue the great work
| SpiritedObsession chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
AWWWWW soooo cuuuutttee!
| Anri chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
I love this! Great job. :3
| cynthiacyvon chapter 1 . 10/30/2012
simply love it :)
| englishmajor chapter 1 . 10/27/2012
Your summary's grammar is a little wrong. It is not very specific who's daughter you are referring to.
| K9 Informant chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Firstly, the story line is great. Just that the timeline seemed off. How old are they in this? It was stated somewhere that they're in their twenties. So how can Kise be 'too old' for modelling and are you telling me that Aomine married and had a child young? Was it a shotgun marriage?
Also, I realised you have a problem with commas. They're missing throughout the story. For example:
"Since the secure job was something he picked up during middle school a break seemed fit. Therefore the blond packed his bags and wandered into a whole new territory."
'Since the secure job was something he picked up during middle school,* a break seemed fit. Therefore,* the blond packed his bags and wandered into a whole new territory.'
And here are some other mistakes I wanted to point out. Well not exactly /mistakes/, more like some awkward/abruptness in your writing.
Firstly... "The scribbles on the crumpled note paper refuses to generate any sense. Amber eyes scrutinize the directions. Every so often Kise tilts the note at various angles to understand his terrible writing." would be better like this:
'The scribbles on the crumpled note paper refused* to generate any sense. Amber eyes scrutinize the directions. Every so often,* Kise tilts the note at various angles,* trying* to understand his terrible handwriting*.'
...This too... "Close to a week he's shamefully lived out a hotel" sounded awkward, it could be replaced with this:
'It was close to a week since he had been begun shamefully lived out a hotel.'
I have no idea why but this... " How many years has it been since they met with each other?"
This might work better, 'How many years has it been since they had last saw 'each other?' or 'How many years has passed since their last meeting?'
"They playfully glare before the two smirk out of habit at each other's conduct. Though the silence they exchange is uneasy." This was just weird sounding. Trying saying it aloud. Weird, no?
'They glare playfully at each other, before breaking out into twin smirks at each other's conduct. However, the silence that loomed over them is awkward.'
You know I said you have a problem with missing commas? I think I found them. ""Then I'll gladly accept your, mature, invitation."" The two commas are unneeded, absolutely redundant. If you were going to have a pause, it would fit better if it went something like this.
'"Then I'll gladly accept your... Ah... Mature... Invitation."'
"From what the blond can see, it's plain and simple, and every surface lies impeccably clean. The apartment certainly lacks a womans touch. The development arouses Kise's curiosity at an alarming rate. It's suitable that he not pry but at times his discretion is also vile." This part is generally okay.
'His eyes soak in the roomy living space like a sponge. From what the blond can see, it's plain and simple. Every surface lies impeccably clean, however*, the apartment certainly lacks a woman's* touch. The development arouses Kise's curiosity at an alarming rate. It is best* that he does* not pry but at times his discretion is also vile."
This line was okay, though, there's this part that kept bothering me.
"Cups of tea find their rightful place on the table before Aomine himself settles with the two. All three attempt to cool their scolding tea as steam bellows from each."
'Cups of tea find their rightful place on the table before Aomine, himself, settles with the two. All three attempt to cool their scalding* hot tea as steam bellows from each mug*.'
Scolding: Remonstrate with or rebuke (someone) angrily.
Scalding: 1. Very hot; burning.
2. Intense and painful or distressing
Well, it's 12 here and probably should go to sleep. Hope I didn't offend you or anything. I'm just trying to point out some things.
Also, there's an issue with the spacing. Just highlighting it!
Good luck on any future projects!
| Anon chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
I thought I was the only one who got Yokozawa Takafumi no Baai vibes from this fic, which is a good thing because I absolutely love that novel. 8'D
It's such a pity that this is a oneshot, seeing as there's a lot of potential for it. (family outings, anyone? /shot)
Great job anyways, loved it. XD
| xbluerainbowx chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
This is so fluffy! Kya! The three of them are so cute! Like a true family. :)
| yuka chapter 1 . 10/25/2012
Oh god... How do I express myself? I'm so happy with this story, it makes me giggles like an idiot. I love AoKise, but I distance myself from the fics about them because I can't handle angst/sad genre. I'm so happy with this one, hell, I even love mari! Thank you for making this. I hope you would make another AoKise fic like this too!
| fujoshii92 chapter 1 . 10/25/2012
i love it this fic reminds me of Yokozawa no baai novel which i love soo much.. plus you have just given me the right fic that i've been searching for. i've just finished reading knb manga till the latest chapter. n i find aominecchi have a papa material in him. even know the fic it's very short i love it :) i just hope there was more. thank you soo much for sharing this sweet fic in fanfic. Thank you again :)