|Reviews for Tarzan 3: Jungle Girl|
| Coraline Starr chapter 4 . 12/20/2012
So there are the usual things like grammar and spelling. People mess up on that all the time, but you must make sure that it doesn't happen so often that it takes away from the story. You are definitely allowed to use the period more than once.
Also it would be great to organize the dialogue and such into different paragraphs instead of leaving it as a giant wall of text. Walls of text are more difficult to read. There's a reason why when you buy a book it usually isn't formatted like that. Start a new paragraph each time someone new talks.
Now for some actual reviewing. So Jane wants her daughter to be more ladylike. How does Tarzan feel about that? Is Teinan too sweet to say anything to her mom, or will she bubble over with frustration and in a moment of passion rip her dress to shreds and flee? Just some things to consider as far as addressing the problem. And what will be the end game? As a result of this, will Teinan find that not all English things are bad? Will she actually want to give England a try? It looks like she is more inclined towards the jungle, much like her father.
AlexaVolta's Tales of the Hunt story might give you some inspiration. You should definitely talk to her, too. Exchange ideas. We definitely need more Tarzan authors on here. :)
Good luck with the rest of the story!
| Nadia chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
I love this too! Pleaaasee first chapteeerrr!
| Coraline Starr chapter 1 . 10/25/2012
I believe another writer has already had a similar idea, but the daughter's name was Annabel (I think). Unfortunately it wasn't finished, so I guess if you take this one all the way that will be better.
I suggest you emphasize the close ties between Tainan and her jungle home. Talk about how she just loves talking to all the different animals and having a blast in the wilderness.
She wants to know about the outside world. So did Tarzan. Integrate their natural curiosity into the story (although Tarzan's might be less because he's already got enough England-ness in the professor's camp?).
Does Tainan want to be ladylike? How does she feel about Jane's parenting? Will tensions rise between them because of their differences?
Remember also that this is a fanfic and that for it to be a true fanfic you must make sure all characters who don't belong to you ARE in character, otherwise it's something original you wrote with unoriginal character names. Use the Disney characters' distinct personalities to add flavor.
Also, since you're doing a Tarzan story, if you want to add some other interesting parts, I suggest taking a look at the original books by Edgar Rice Burroughs, especially the first one, Tarzan of the Apes. You'll find there are many things that weren't mentioned in the Disney movie.
Hope this helps. Good luck! CS