|Reviews for Nanoha Takamachi and the School of Witchcraft|
| Xingdra chapter 12 . 6/18
OKay i'm done with this now after finding out nanoha gives up being a seeker or not able to fly made this very much not fun anymore. I became disappointed when I found out Nanoha just practically give Cho the stupid position away and the fact she lying to everyone that she is not good. When actually she's better then Cho. She needs to grow a backbone and fight for herself this damn selfless cap is old... Now I go look for one that maybe will have at least Nanoha Flying.
| Xingdra chapter 4 . 6/18
Well this is interesting, but i think it be even more interesting if there devices and mage stuff would work other then Telepathy... I think them being stranded there with no communication and functional stuff would have been more funny.
Now Onto the next chapter...
| Ephemeral-Nightboy chapter 1 . 3/15
Shouldn't memory tampering be illegal under TSAB law? I wanted to see Nanoha arrest the obliviators! Presumptuous pricks, like they have any right to tell Nanoha she's not allowed to use magic. Sigh. Oh well.
| ProtagonistAlert chapter 12 . 1/1
Soooo let's talk about this. I want to start with the things you got right. You did a good job at creating a balance between Nanoha Magitech and Potter Magic- showing that they each style had some advantages without ever really directly comparing the two or declaring superiority. You tended to give a slight lean towards Nanoha-tech, but not to the point that it really became outright bias. The setup for the crossover was decently plausible and definitely the best excuse I've seen to have a HP-Nanoha crossover. You handle Nanoha and Fate's characters extremely well (I'm definitely curious to see what Fate-Harry interactions will be like once the abuse issue finally gets brought to the surface), as well as Dumbledore's, and Harry is handled relatively competently too. Ron is as well, on occasion. (More on this later) I liked the fact that Fate and Nanoha ended up in Ravenclaw- it was a perfectly good fit for both of them and really made it feel like you put them in a house that suited them and not just the "protag" house. You manage to recreate the plot of Book 1 quite well while making it so that the Nanoha cast never felt particularly intrusive, and didn't totally derail the plot. That is also commendable. As is the fact that you pulled off a Nanoha fight scene really solidly, and am curious as to how that'll translate to wizard duels.
Now... let's talk about some things that I liked less.
NanoFate being put in Ravenclaw ended up being a source of frustration to me more than anything else. There was a chance to really bring Ravenclaw characters to the forefront and give them nuance, and then that never happens. They get token mentions every now and then, but no real attention is given to them nor are they assigned any depth. The story quickly shifted from a "Ravenclaws Nanoha and Fate attend Hogwarts" story and turned it into a "Nanoha and Fate help Harry" story. Which isn't necessarily BAD, but it does make it feel like you might as well have put them in Gryffindor if that was your intent. The fact that they were in Ravenclaw just so rarely seems to come into play that it irritated me. Maybe this'll be fixed down the line. I guess we'll see.
I also feel like your feelings towards certain canon characters crept into the story a bit. Hermione isn't in the story for seemingly no reason (The troll thing went as it did in canon, and Ron mentions that he and Hermione at least interact). If you don't like Hermione, or don't feel comfortable writing her, then that's all well and good, but I feel like you need to provide some reason for her to not be Harry and Ron's friend, have Hermione not want to interact with NanoFate, or come up with some way for her to not be present during the critical moments of the story. You don't really done any of those things, and the ways that you work around Hermione's absence can often strain credulity. (They haven't fixed a lock to a door in several months? Really?) Your Ron also feels a bit over-the-top in his meat-headedness and the butt of the joke a bit often, but he does get to be the one to figure out Flitwick's puzzle and gets his chess moment, so there's at least a bit of nuance there.
The final and really biggest problem I had though was the way that the story was constructed. It often felt less like a narrative and more like... kind of a proof-of-concept. You were going through the motions and having all the important things happen happen, and then having the characters have immediate reactions, but then you would just move onto the next thing. At times it honestly felt more like a synopsis than an actual story- the closest it came to really getting the feel of a narrative was when you did the things that weren't canonical, so it could just be that, as you noted, you didn't really like the first book and thus didn't feel inspired to delve deeply into it. But it's a flaw none-the-less I feel.
Now, I've been really critical for a good chunk of the review, but I do intend to read the sequel. Because most of these problems ARE fixable, and you did do a good deal of stuff right. I'm also curious how you plan to diverge from canon and how it's going to play out. (I mean, I assume it has to do with getting Harry from his abusive family- the TSAB taking custody maybe?)
| yukicrewger2 chapter 6 . 11/5/2015
*snickers at the omake*
| I Before A Except After K chapter 10 . 8/16/2015
Pretty glaring typo at the start of this chapter. You used typed "fone" instead of "phone".
| LuxEterna1 chapter 12 . 6/6/2015
nice i like it
tough i wonder why nobody from the students asked to be taught the mildchildan system or how to make a familiar like arf
| Secundum chapter 12 . 5/10/2015
Nice story. Slightly spoiled by the fact that you call it the 'Sorcerers Stone' rather than the correct name.
| Hypothetical Spiritual Entity chapter 12 . 2/8/2015
I generally liked the story, my only gripe was that Hermione seems to have been completely sidelined (she didn't appear at all since Ron got Befriended). It does make sense since her function in the story was fulfilled by everyone's favorite lesbian-couple-in-the-making, but I hope she'll find a new place for herself in the plot later on as the story diverges from canon. I wonder who'll get Befriended next year...
| divad relffehs chapter 2 . 1/7/2015
That was one of the worst first contact meetings between two governments ever. Albus has no idea what the TSAB is or where it is. They have not talked about their laws or about setting up some kind of liaison for further meetings and determining jurisdictions. They literally took care of none of the business that they were meeting to take care of. Also, if the captain is an experienced diplomat why was he not part of the meeting? Why leave it the two who have never done this kind of thing before?
| Guest chapter 12 . 11/25/2014
| Reymen chapter 6 . 10/19/2014
Cheat to put a 13 (?) year old against 17 years because they want to win. EPIC :)
| Freefan1412 chapter 5 . 10/5/2014
I forgot to mention this last chapter, but it is particularly awesome how you don't forget to mesh the cultures (the time difference, the food) and how you didn't sort the two of them into Gryffindor (that just happens too often with crossovers).
...and now I'm running out of things to comment on...Great work:)
| Freefan1412 chapter 4 . 10/5/2014
The first introduction of Hogwarts was well done. :) I'm not sure what to think of the abuse-suspicion they have concerning Harry, but so long as you don't tweak around the canon facts I approve (since what has happened to Harry in canon does classify as abuse, I think). Also I think the reaction to Mafoy on the train was a bit fast, but other than that I have no complains whatsoever. Nice Work. :) You got good writing, an smooth style and no mistakes that I would notice. I can honestly say I didn't expect a crossover as well done as this in such a small fandom. Keep it up!
(Ps, the omake was )
| Freefan1412 chapter 2 . 10/5/2014
This is pretty amazing so far. :) I like how you characterize all of them; accurately and simply, in such a way that there is little missing. The respective thoughts on different matters are also good (not clishe or prejudiced or made overly complex or set up for conflict). You also cover the complexity of the different worlds quite well, as in how Nanoha and Fate listen to the directions of their superior officers for their actions, how nothing is hurried, how things are structured in the communication of the different magical world and things.
All in all, I can so far only say that you convincingly and fittingly made these two magical world meet. I'm looking forward to seeing where it is going from here. :)