|Reviews for Touching Flames|
| IThoughtMYJokesWereBad chapter 2 . 5/28/2013
This has really captured my attention. I cannot wait to read more. I keep seeing similarities with the original Hunger Games novel, but I like it.
| IThoughtMYJokesWereBad chapter 1 . 5/27/2013
Whoa. This is intense. I really love the whole new world you have created in District 8. Reading about OC's lives can be pretty interesting. You always make the best OC's. Anyway, this looks great. I can't wait to see what happens.
| Radio Free Death chapter 3 . 10/27/2012
[What will they do after they run out of supplies? I don't even want to imagine Aven trying to steal. It makes me angry. At myself, for not having thought about this beforehand. There should have been a plan. An agreement, or arrangement that would come into call if the Hunger Games ever did interfere with our lives.]
I do like that the story addresses this problem. It shows that the people she loves and left behind are still on her mind, rather than her family being a sidenote. It also shows later on when she does think about not voting and letting one kid go to save the others, even that decision would be difficult for her to make.
[There aren't extra seconds to think over your morals or skills when a Career is running at you full speed.]
I do kinda wish that it wasn’t already dehumanizing the trained kids here. They’re not the only threat in the arena. Other than that, her advice does make sense.
["You're big enough to tackle a girl. There was that Seam girl from District Twelve, she's fourteen, but she's small enough for you to take down. Boys will know instinctively how to throw you off of them. Surprise them and the girls are your best bet. And for a weapon.. sling-shot will do you fine. No need for strength. Though aim will be needed, at least it's at a sizable distance.]
The thing is, not all guys know how to fight, and some girls do. It’s true that males after adolescence have more upper body strength due to testosterone. But that’s not going to do any good if the guy in question doesn’t know basic self-defense. If the argument was really about Erik using a long-ranged weapon and surprise, then its fine, but the idea that boys ‘instinctively’ know how to fight is pretty flawed.
["Both of us advise you against them, any of them. Don't trust Careers. Don't sleep next to anyone who you aren't absolutely prepared to give your life to. And don't.. just don't, make friends. It'll only be worse for both of you."]
Ironically, this kind of talk works if Cecelia wants them both to be killers. They probably won’t last very long if they don’t have alliances though.
[I search painstakingly through my mind for a reason as to why I did that. Why had I reacted toward him (a vague-minded, wheezing old man, no less) in a violent way, on instinct, on a mere reflex, when it has always been my true instinct to shelter before harm? Am I capable to do more destruction than I previously thought? Could I not even understand my limitations?]
I think this is overcomplicating it. She knows when to defend herself and not passively roll over. There’s no need to hit the reader over the head with this being a big deal. It would be a big deal if she lashed out when someone approached her or stretched a hand out to her in a non-threatening way.
I like how Marvin isn’t exactly a Cinna knockoff, though it seems that he’s done something that the district hasn’t usually thought of doing before and making it seem that this is the exception.
[His eyes become hard. "You are a volunteer, have you forgotten? No one forced you into anything. Do not act ungrateful. I had hoped that my prep team did not exaggerate when they told me we received a whiner this year, but I was wrong to hope better of the savage children from the districts."]
Its interesting to see how this story goes.
| Saffara chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
It's me again, Saffara(the on that sent you a link, oh and by ht eway the first few chapters are really bad. I had just started out with writing the more you read the better it gets). Please continue writing this story!
| Saffara chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
This is actually really good. Thankyou for writing it. I am going to keep reading if you have the time can you read mine to?
Here's the link:
| MockingjayFlying chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
This is amazing! As usual :) I love how keera is and the children and bracken and everything. Although I want to murder Ethel. I didn't realize who Cayleb was until his emotion changed at the door to the justice building. I think it's genius he's friends with a peace keeper. This is going to be enthralling :) update whenever you can!
| spongygengster chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
nice first chapter. i want to see how this turns out
| Celia215 chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Wow I read this the first time around as weaponless and loved it you have made some interesting changes Caleb a peacekeeper I did not see that coming looking forward to seeing how this plays out now update soon
| theseaisblue chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
Awwww i love this... Out of all the fanfics this is my favorite one and now you are redoing it so that makes even better! Update soon!
| Radio Free Death chapter 2 . 10/26/2012
[Cayleb will stare at me with his bright hazel eyes, narrow them, and sigh. He'll take what I took, replace it, escort me to my house and give me all the money he has on him, even if I refuse it.]
This is interesting. I'm not sure why she's refusing his money. She has no problems stealing posessions from someone else, and its most likely that the money he makes is earned.
[I try to remember some, but predictably only a few really stick. A sleek boy who fluidly steps forward to volunteer from District 1. A girl from District 3 that walks twitchy, like a bug. A boy from District 7 with a hulking figure and a brooding face. Then there is us. Aven gets called. Bud jumps out to reach her, then I fly out of the crowd and volunteer. The commentators ponder why I'd done it, seeing as I don't seem to be their sibling. I wish I could tell them I'm their mother, in all the aspects that matter. They move on, and the rest of the tributes don't strike out to me enough to remember them before the anthem is playing and the Capitol seal appears on the screen.]
I'm conflicted with this passage. First off, the tributes are always called up by name, why is she refusing to do the same? I know she probably doesn't want to think about it, but then she did say that all of them will murder her, and she probably wants to pay attention to them. Its a shame because this is the chance where we as readers are introduced to the other kids. What are their facial expressions? What do they say when they’re called? Are they showing any emotions? The narrative even seems to be saying that she's the only one who's struggling with her own emotions and shielding her children from harm, which strongly implies that all the tributes before and after her just go up on stage without a fuss.
It also narrows down the pool of characters to a select few, those that matter, and the others are essentially throwaway characters.
| Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Try not to start with the character waking up. Its an overdone cliché that's been done several hundred times already. Just start in medias res.
[ back muscles screeching against my sudden movement to sit up]
This might sound pretty cool until you think about it for a few seconds. Do muscles screech?
Aven's introduction could've been clearer. It’s a bit awkwardly phrased in the beginning when the narrator refers to her as 'she' and I was left wondering who she was referring to.
The narrator's whole justification for stealing is interesting. I like how she makes exceptions for families with kids because of her own relationship with children, and I'm pretty sure we as readers can understand her plight in a way. Of course, I don't necessarily have to agree with it. The old man with the bag of dried plums has as much right to live and eat as the children with families do. I wouldn't have minded a bit more urgency in her stealing to provide for her own. Everyone works, but they're still starving? Perhaps show it in the children's listless expressions or how they continuously lick their plates clean even though the food is gone, to get a feeling of how desperate everything is, if you're going for that route.
[All I know is that getting caught isn't an option. Without me the community home would never survive. Our caretaker would let all my children die. Aven and Bud wouldn't be able to handle it.]
I like how this story at least acknowledges the fatal flaw in the plan. If she gets reaped though, how would the community get by?
[Now, even though I have the golden skin and blonde hair of a merchant class daughter, I'm no better than the lowly considered copper skinned and dark haired class.]
Even in D8 there's a sharp labor division? And the merchant class here are also blonds?
[I whip my head around to stare up at the stage. I can't believe what I just heard. How? She only had three slips of thousands. I'm in there eight times as much as her for the tessera I take out.]
This is something I have slight annoyances with, as its starting to become as cliché as the whole 'waking up and finding out its reaping day'. It repeats the book and doesn't necessarily do anything new with it. The fact that her odds are so slim shouldn't be the issue. Its the fact that there should be a plan worked out to deal with it in case she gets picked. Would Keera volunteer in her place? Would anyone else decide to take the fall for her?
All that aside, this is an interesting story. Keera's family is actually a family and the characters aren't just there to fill in the quota of a mother, a father, and a little sibling. Its playing a bit for shock value in some parts and I'm not sure if its trying to show that Keera's situation should be pitied more because she has to take care of these kids. Ethel is a bit of a stereotype, but I do like that Keera isn't snarky around her. She gives the woman respect even when its not necessarily deserved.
What won me over in wanting to read this story is the fact that Keera doesn't want to kill kids. She actually says those words and thinks of them as kids rather than tributes. Its interesting to see how this develops. Would she find a way to escape? Peaceful resistance? Refuse to fight? Kill herself? It might go either way, but at least the choices are there and her acknowledging what she can't do and what she can't bear to do is better than most stories that pretty much mention the option, then forget it again.
Its a bit contrived that her partner ends up being the younger brother of a man who may or may not be genuine in his affections, but I'm still up for reading the next chapter. And the Peacekeeper being a decent guy rather than a mustache-twirling idiot is a nice touch.
| Maddie Rose chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Wow nice beginning! I like how Keera doesn't want to leave not for her own reasons but because she has people that she needs to care for. She is a strong and selfless individual and I like her already, especially her maternal attitude towards those who need help. I can't wait to see how she fares in the Games.