Reviews for Dawn and Shadows
Guest chapter 1 . 4/2/2014
Awesome...! This looks very interesting! :D
Phoenix Flamelight chapter 5 . 9/6/2013
You used -kit in some places. Like Jewelkit and Yewkit, instead of -paw.
lionspaws13 chapter 1 . 7/30/2013
So good
little miss jolie chapter 2 . 7/21/2013
Um... I'm sure that cats don't know what Jade or Jewels are. So those names a tiny bit iffy.

Giang Tien of WillowClan
sunbreeze chapter 14 . 4/6/2013
radical story keep going
Song of the Felines chapter 6 . 3/5/2013
Love this book
WyldClaw chapter 2 . 3/4/2013
i feel bad for blackit, snowit and bronzekit
WyldClaw chapter 1 . 3/4/2013
that was freaky what the raven said
ponyiowa chapter 13 . 3/3/2013
I don't think you're doing anything wrong; it's just everyone else. :P Maybe the long chapters scare them off?
Good chapter! :D

-Nightstar of WillowClan
Sandtail chapter 13 . 3/2/2013
E-every 3 weeks b-but that's like a month. How will. Survive without your presidiums stories. *sniffles* update soon. Stupid Riverclan.
ponyiowa chapter 12 . 2/11/2013
Wow, Seedpaw and Lilypaw. They really hate her. Poor Snowpaw. ;-;
Nice prophecy. I already told you that I liked it since it wasn't obvious, so I have nothing more to say than this: Good job! :D

-Nightstar of WillowClan
ponyiowa chapter 11 . 1/31/2013
["Let me up," she growled.
"You both fought very well," he growled.
"What?- no! What are you talking about?" Blackstar growled.]
Pointing this out just in case you want to replace one of those speech tags.

Nice, nice! ;) Very action-filled, and I liked how she didn't win with Yewpaw but promised to work harder next time. And nice dialogue, too. I loved the part where she was taunting Yewpaw to distract him.

-Nightstar of WillowClan
DauntlessFlame chapter 11 . 1/31/2013
I could never forget to review such an amazing story... All 38,117 words were devoured by my eyes. As you might tell, I didn't start 'following' this story until just today... Took forever, but I finally reached Chapter 10!

This story is simply awesome! I like how much you've moved the plot along, not too much given away at a time.

Typos are (I hate to admit) the least of my worries. I found them all around, but they weren't huge.

I cannot wait for more!
ponyiowa chapter 10 . 1/28/2013
["Are you saying that you would treat any other cat like that?" The huge white cat inquired icily, examining his single black paw.]
Also, all of his paws are black. :3

I am beginning to think of Scorchfur as a creep. O.o;

["Of course, Blackstar already told us." Tallpoppy replied.]
Replace the first period with a comma.

[She genuinely seemed ready to help Bronzepaw with his chore, which made him feel even worse. "Actually, Blackstar said I can't have help." he muttered, even softer than before.]
Same as above.

["Oh, stop it," Jewelpaw cut across her, laughing.]
Maybe "interrupted" would work better than "cut across her." :P

[Bronzepaw shivered involuntarily when she touched him, then immediately hoped she hadn't noticed.]
Ooooooohhhh! 03

[The only sign of her ever being there was a small pile of bird bones laying neatly on the ground.]
It's "lying," I believe.

[She drew her ears back and wrinkled her nose, then went back to grooming herself. He knew her well enough to know that was all the sympathy he was getting.]
Such a nice sister! XP

["Ah, here comes the poor, misunderstood apprentice," Tallpoppy purred to Cedarheart. "Such a terrible chore, cleaning our pelts. Are you planning to do it without mouse bile?"

Bronzepaw let out a wordless snarl as he stomped outside again.]

[He settled down on a low branch, masked by a clump of needles; the bark was uncomfortably sticky, and he itched to lick his paws, but refrained, knowing that the movement might give away to the ThunderClan cats.]
I suggest putting "their presence" after "give away" and before "to the ThunderClan cats."

[There was another cat," The golden tom meowed quickly]

["We got held back by Bramblestar," Bronzepaw put in quickly.
"I see. Well, you'd best be off to bed. We have a full day of training tomorrow, Blackpaw," the leader meowed.
"Yes, Blackstar," Blackpaw meowed obediently.
"Um, Blackstar, I think I got some scratches on my back," Bronzepaw put in quickly, as Blackstar was padding away to leave.]
It's repetitive with "put in quickly, meowed, meowed, and put in quickly." I suggest finding at least two other different speech tags. ;P

["Now, off with you, or I'll extend the punishment to two months!" ]
It's "two moons," not "two months."

Awesome chapter! It was exciting and full of action. :D After I submit this review, I'll go take a look at the DocX you sent me, and hopefully my next review won't be as long, if you know what I mean. ;D Keep up the good work, Sunset! :)

-Nightstar of WillowClan
ponyiowa chapter 9 . 1/28/2013
["ShadowClan foxdung," Someone hissed.]

[Nobody here gives a mousetail about me, and you know it!" She cried angrily.]

[It's probably because I'm ThunderClan now, She thought bitterly.]

["Explain," He spat.]

[Snowpaw shifter her paws uncomfortably, not sure if she was allowed to speak or not.]
It's "shifted," not "shifter."

["What is it?" She hissed quietly to the blind medicine cat as she followed him into the medicine den.]

["I want to talk to you about something." He muttered, turning around suddenly. "What do you know about prophecies?"]
["I want to talk to you about something," he muttered, turning around suddenly. "What do you know about prophecies?]

["I only know that StarClan gives them," She meowed, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible.]

["You can read minds! You're probably reading my mind right now!" She shrieked, stumbling away from him.]
Unless she shrieked separately after her words, it's "she."

["I have my ways." Jayfeather said, clearly annoyed now.]
Replace the first period with a comma.

["No." Snowpaw mewed firmly.]
Same as above.

[So there was something about her, Blackpaw, and Bronzepaw that made Jayfeather's and Dovewing's powers useless.]
I've been taught that in a list with people and yourself, you always put yourself first. So it would be:
[So there was something about Blackpaw, Bronzepaw, and her that made Jayfeather's and Dovewing's powers useless.]

It was a bit shorter than other chapters, but it didn't seem like you did an info dump on your readers. :P Ooh, a trip to the Tribe might be coming up soon! Exciting! *bounces*

-Nightstar of WillowClan
43 | Page 1 .. Last Next »