|Reviews for Inside Out|
| Sunsetcheetah chapter 2 . 4/9/2014
Would love a longer chapter to really get the full picture of his anguish. Really liking this story and hope you continue it_
| Sunsetcheetah chapter 1 . 4/9/2014
Interesting first chapter! Would love to see it flushed out more_ great start!
| 0m3ga's Z3r0 chapter 1 . 10/29/2012
Okay. You really should add more detail to this. As of yet, it's... short. Very short. And lacking detail, feeling, emotion, etc.
You should try writing about the futile struggle that Godric Gryffindor goes through to try to get people to notice him; even centuries after his death, he's still Gryffindor. His personality would keep him going, keep him from giving up, after hundreds of years of being unseen - unheard. You could also delve into the hopeless despair he feels at the end of a day, when he still hasn't managed to get anyone to notice him. Maybe he thinks, 'What if I'm stuck like this forever?', or 'Why am I still here?', and maybe even 'Why can't I just pass on already?'
Another thing: the ending is very abrupt, and it leaves much to be desired. It doesn't feel complete.
I haven't read "The Hidden History of Hogwarts", but there's still so much you could DO with this story. It hasn't even reached an eighth (1/8) of it's potential, let alone half (1/2).
I read an essay you wrote about Ender's Game that you posted a while ago, and honestly - I'm not trying to be mean - it doesn't look like you've improved your writing at all. In three years. That's... kinda sad.