|Reviews for Poison of Life|
| Guile Mustang chapter 1 . 7/31/2013
Hatred is the poison of life, hell yeah! I love that Magus does realize that all begins from him hating his mad mommy. Soon he finds out that him being vengeful is useless. That big red hedgehog AKA Lavos just swats him like a fly lol. The last stanza is a good resolution. In short, Magus hates his mom, and he is foolish so he thinks that revenge can solve everything. But things only end up worse... This brings me back to religion lessons, and is very meaningful! Thanks for writing!
| Kyle chapter 1 . 1/14/2013
I never knew why the Ocean Palace did collapse especially since it's held by chains and should continue to float even if the Ocean Palace did get destroyed..
Besides who would wan to live under the ocean anyways? How do they know the Ocean Palace is safe from leaks as I don't see any watertight compartments that can isolate a section should a breach occur. All it takes is one smart terrorist with a bomb to cause trouble.
| Crow's Talon chapter 1 . 12/18/2012
I love this haiku cycle. The language is well-done, I can't see any SPAG errors, and I can see how miserable the narrator is - his sister gone, his mother insane, and a monster like Lavos on the loose. Although I imagine that Lavos in-universe is a pretty scary beast, the description of him as a big red hedgehog was very creative and made me smile. Nice work here!
| Verran chapter 1 . 12/1/2012
This told a fluid story, with a clear introduction and conclusion, I could visualise what was going on. I don't know the first thing about appraising poetry, but all I did know was that I was carried effortlessly through from start to finish and enjoyed the experience.
What more can I say than that!
| Edhla chapter 1 . 11/25/2012
It's rare that I get to review poetry, but I always enjoy it :)
Reminding with shame that I'm not familiar with the fandom, I think you've done a very good job with these verses. I'm particularly struck by the progression of information on your stanzas- intro, reason, wham!conclusion.
There was one line that shook me out of the mood of the piece, though that may well be because I'm canon!ignorant. "That big red hedgehog and wrecked..." The mental image of this is slightly absurd and cut across the epic feel of the rest of the piece and the deep sadness throughout.
As always in poetry, I'd take a look at each line in its turn and see if there are "weak spots"- words you've added for rhythm or syllables rather than for their meaning and effect. While we may differ on which ones qualify, I'm particularly looking at "gone and" ("has left me" is much stronger) and "she" ("For Schala, my sister: For Schala, my sister/has left me. This mashes your syllables, but you get the idea: less is more :) )
Otherwise, this is a lovely piece, brilliantly atmospheric and well written. I'm glad I read it :)
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
Every time I visit one of these Crono one-shots I'm taken back to a seriously great time in my life. I appreciate that so much!
This is awesome! I can't say it enough that I adore Magus. He's so dark and mysterious. I love it when his thoughts are expanded upon like this.
"Hedgehog- oh goodness, I had to sort of chuckle at this. Lavos really does look like some sort of mutant hedgehog. All spiky and whatnot. And he's damn ornery like one, but doesn't really have a personality. Well, he is an alien, after all.
"On that day I learned
That revenge is pathetic
As it yields nothing."
TRUTH! Great life lesson, right there.
When you described Magus's mother standing on the head of the beast, it totally brought to mind that scene. Magus's story is such a sad one. I'm glad you picked this subject to elaborate on. As well as the game illustrates how heart-wrenching this really is, it's nice to see a narration of it.
As for the way it is written, wonderful work. I love the collection of haikus which brings the whole thing together in a really orderly and rhythmic fashion. It's a smooth read and looks like it came together easily, but I bet it took a great deal of thought. It's rather impressive!
So, good job.
| darkin520 chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
Ah, again, not very familiar with the fandom, save for your stories. However, I think this poem is really well done, and for the most part, I completely understood what was going on. You tell the story very well so, and I commend you on your word choices here. I think that it all really works.
There is only one point that I did have one slight confusion and that was this line: Then I understood
That she had become mad, for My father was dead.
The only reason I felt confusion was that I wondered how she had been mad because of Magus' father being dead. But I think that's not really your fault but simply my fault for not knowing the canon. Plus, I'm not really sure how you would change this line to make it less confusing. If you could somehow alter it to explain how the madness would pertain to the father's death, then by all means do so. But I also don't want you to mess up your rhythm.
Overall, well done. I think this is a really powerful piece. The ending was a bit sad with his sister and the fact that he blames everything on himself...but I get the feeling that this fandom isn't always a happy one. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for writing it. :)
| Vampcoffee chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
The style of a haiku really makes word choice essential and you have done so very well here. There are all thought-provoking actually,'Animosity is only for a fool' and 'That revenge is pathetic as it yields nothing' were two that stood out the most. All of these are great!
| Schala A. Zeal chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
Hedgehog? Well, there's his problem right there. He didn't toss Lavos enough gold rings.
I'm a terrible joker it seems...
| Aeci chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
Wow, this was a unique one-shot. I'd never thought of stringing haikus together, not to mention the organization and flow that you seem to have pulled off extremely well.
Although I don't know a lot about Magus, you've gone through his story with clarity and I'm very impressed by how comprehensive it all is, especially given the haiku format. Magus' regret really shines through.
In terms of mechanics and poetry, I most enjoyed the parts "Scythe and spells I used, / But the beast beat me with ease" and "He is the poison that / Has ravaged my life". I think it's partly because of the alliteration and the metaphor of "poison".
Very nicely written!
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 1 . 10/30/2012
Well, this is an interesting take on things. I've never seen a story that's *entirely* made up of haiku, but hey, a first time for everything, right? So, anyway, this actually kind of reminded me of a bard singing in a tavern somewhere in medieval Europe for some odd reason, but it flows together actually quite nicely. I like the story it told, and it kinda complements the other stuff you've written as well. I'm actually glad you wrote out a bunch of these like this, because just one haiku describing Magus' anguished feelings wouldn't have given off the feel like this entire set of these.
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 10/29/2012
I'm a giant dork when it comes to poetry, so I actually sat and counted out the syllables - none left out and no extras, so good job there.
The wording is good, and the clarity is good as someone wholly unfamiliar with the fandom: I'm not coming up with any points where I am lost as to what's going on or feel that you're making too many canon references that I don't understand.
I think this would parse a bit more easily if you arranged the haikus into stanzas, with an extra blank space between. Since each haiku is (properly) a complete thought, the length without break is slightly forbidding.
Similarly, there are a couple of enjambments, where phrases continue onto following lines, that don't work for me: 'mine to/stop my' and 'grief to/envelop' particularly jumped out at me, since you're splitting the verbs 'to stop' and 'to envelop' in both cases. If you do rework, I'd take a look at those lines and see if you can keep the verbs together.
The mad mother, and folly being poison, are probably your strongest images in the piece; keep those and work with them, since they are effective lines. You could probably base a lengthier poem around each: Try a sonnet, and I'll gladly R&R!
Hope this helps!
'Had gone and left me.' - I think you mean 'Has gone and left me,' since the first line of that is in the present tense.
'mad, for/My father was dead' - would put a comma in there to separate the clauses
| Rainhealsme chapter 1 . 10/29/2012
I'll admit it, this about the second haiku I've read on this site. Since you decided to use Magus (who's becoming one of my all time favorite characters of this series), I was instantly drawn in. You used some very effective words here to describe the situation and events that took place. So did his sister really fall into a realm of despair or was this just a metaphor for depression? Either way, I find it very interesting how you executed this, as well as the entire poem. And really, a giant red hedgehog? That's something you don't see everyday, especially not in the fandoms I read, and I like that.
You did an excellent job writing this. And as usual, I look forward to seeing what else you have planned! xXKiraUzumakiXx
| glowing neon chapter 1 . 10/29/2012
This was nicely done. I haven't actually read any poetry on ffn before, but I enjoyed this. It had a lovely flow to it, as poetry should. I like the idea of having the haiku flow into each other like these, without any breaks - having each haiku separate just wouldn't have the same effect. I found no spelling/grammar issues either :D
I can't comment on the validity of the story, seeing as I'm not familiar with this fandom - but that's my fault, not yours. All in all I liked this a lot. Keep writing!
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
I don't know anything about this fandom, sadly, so the storyline was a little confusing. But that's my fault, not yours.
I really liked the flow of this. I'm not usually much of a poetry reader, but this was really nice. The syllables were perfectly balanced, it it had a lovely tone through the entire piece. This was so sad, but it was absolutely beautiful.