|Reviews for Poison of Life|
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
This was interesting. I am not familiar with what happened. I do like the description of how he felt at the end regarding his sister. The blame he placed on himself was... Wow. I like how realistic that was. I loved how you flowed through the emotions in this. From resentment to sorrow to failure, it was all very nicely done. Good job!
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
Lovely mixture of haikus that turned into such an amazing one-shot! What's better is that the haiku's were written in perfect texture (syllable wise), as well as each one flowing perfectly! Felt bad for Magus due to what she had to go through with her mother, father, and sister all leaving her because of some sort of poison (again, not familiar with this fandom). No grammatical errors spotted, so nice work on that! Once again, this was a lovely one-shot mixture! )
| DA7 chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
"My father was dead,"
-This should end with a period.
"To let my lust blinded me"
-This might be seven syllables, but "blinded" isn't grammatically correct in this phrase.
Perhaps you could say it like this:
edit: To (have) let my lust (blind) me
To(1) have(2) let(3) my(4) lust(7) blind(6) me(7)
"And inflicted woes"
-The word 'inflicted' doesn't work in this phrase. However, I don't have a suggestion for this one.
"To see my sister suffered"
-'Suffered' isn't grammatically correct in this phrase
Edit: (To see my sister suffer)
-To(1) see(2) my(3) sis(4)ter(5) suf(6)fer(7)
-Other than that, not bad. It's cool that you were able to pull off that many haikus at once and string them together as a story at the same time. For the most part, it all flowed together well. Keep up the good work.