|Reviews for Keeping The Distance|
| Our Broken Quill chapter 2 . 11/25/2012
I definitely like this chapter.
Normally, your spacing style would pose a problem, but in this case, it emphasizes each thought, strengthening your plot.
"Is something the matter, Ms. Tachibana?" You clenched your teeth and narrowed your eyes.
The you shouldn't be a capital.
You may also want to lengthen the chapters somewhat. Good story, though. When will we see Tomoe's POV?
| Our Broken Quill chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
First review! And I promise this will be an informative review.
The first thing I noticed was the way it was written, I was a bit confused until I noticed that it was in CR-SO1's point of view, which is nice.
Tomoe, however, is rather OOC, she is a really hard character to write because of the way she speaks (her thinking pattern is generally easy to follow).
"Well… I'm about to leave for the evening, and I just wanted to say goodnight. I know you've been working very hard lately because, well, I haven't seen you leave Resurgam for three days straight. You must be really stressed."
The concern part is on track but the words are slightly off in terms of personality. She sounds a great deal more American than Japanese right now (Although this COULD be because she has been living in America for a bit [we don't know how long exactly] this isn't how she speaks - I recommend doing a quick once-over on her episodes in the game [And if you don't have the game, watch the videos on youtube])
CR-SO1, in my opinion, is very well written. His thoughts are definitely what I would think he would think, as are his words. One little thing: "It's alright, thank you Ms. Tachibana."
No. Nonono. It's: DOCTOR Tachibana. I'm serious. That stood out.
The first few paragraphs were very philosophical, and made me think really hard about my own beliefs. A very good way to start the chapter.
And your bold text at the bottom: I understand that is your author's note, but you use those things NOT to say you're sorry.
That bad spelling and grammar is not good for your story. Either take out the A/N or replace it with something that the readers can see/want to know.
Overall, very nice story. I look forward to your update.