Reviews for Red Velvet: A Paily Story
Steampunk Beauty chapter 13 . 2/21/2013
Hey. I don't know if I'm missing something but I just... got really distracted by this entire scene. I'm guessing one of the numbers is off and needs to be reworked to make sense?

"You're twenty-five years old Riley. Its time to make an honest woman out of yourself!" Paige laughed.

"Funny Paige! Shes twenty-six so tell her that!" Riley pointed, casting the blame on Mary.

Paige crinkled her eyebrows in confusion as she stared at him. "Mary's not twenty-six."

"Yes she is!" Riley insisted.

"Noooo, she joined when she was twenty-five...almost five years ago." Paige frowned.

"No she joined when she was twenty-one...almost five years ago." He retorted, crossing his arms over his chest and holding his ground.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 12 . 2/21/2013
... I don't even know how to sum up my feelings right now. I'll try though.

I like how much you're incorporating real life mundane obstacles and tasks into this story; cutting checks, decision-making based on liabilities, seeking proper authorization to start fires and the general wisdom of how to set up a tent uniformly at all the different stops. Wrestling with technicalities are like icing on the cake for me.

The contract between Emily and Paige was tackled in very layered dimensions, both practical and emotional and the scene just really hurts in a good way.

A throwback photo to the both of them attending the same school was unexpected but it worked spectacularly storywise.

Strip maiden was fun. An honorable Paige being distressed about whether her and her crew's actions were disrespectable or not and an Emily who feels so trusting that everyone has good intentions rang true to me.

I was really impressed when you opened up the scenery (a train by its very nature is very limiting, enclosed, maybe even claustrophobic) and made it feel so much larger when Paige pulled Emily up onto the top of the train. It held just the right amount of risk to show that how brave the two of them can be and lying down through a tunnel together was a stunning illustration of how at peace these two are when they're together. You have thoroughly tangled up my heartstrings with this scene.

Their first kiss was worth its wait.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 11 . 2/21/2013
The dialogue between Riley and Paige was my favorite thing about this chapter. They have perfect chemistry. Also! Emily making Paige go speechless was like a scene pulled straight out of PLL. It's a familiar quirk and it's no stretch to have to imagine it in my head. Paige's personal lion act with her as a dentist was fun and charming and even though I recognize this story is filed under angst, I crave so much more of these playful subplots.

I swear, if at the end of this entire story, you present with a sad ending, I'll never forgive you. I'll respect you and I'll love your style, but I'll be holding a grudge against you for a very, very, very long time.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 10 . 2/21/2013
Paige as a lion tamer was a great direction to go in. It shows her traits and ability in courage and control, which is what her journey from leaving Rosewood had always been about.

Regarding your italicized author's note, I completely agree.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 9 . 2/21/2013
Yes! Emily having her badass moment is a great start to this chapter. To bookend it, the progression in physical intimacy between Paige and Emily was a great ending to this chapter. Do more of both those things. :)
Steampunk Beauty chapter 8 . 2/21/2013
So there's this churning feeling in the pit of my stomach because you've shown it twice of Paige jumping off a moving train, that I'm worried that on a future jump, her foot might catch and she'll take a tumble. It's super disconcerting.

The day out in Charleston that Paige and Emily had was light, domestic and exactly what the story needed at this point to be a little more relatable.

I love how you uncovered Paige's background with Mary and Peter;those two stories definitely said something significant about what kind of person she is and how deep her bonds go. I would actually look forward to Emily telling stories to Paige about her friendships with Spencer and Aria.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 7 . 2/21/2013
Paige was absolutely swoon worthy when she spoke about Ember and his feather and I can't tell you how adorable I find a grouchy Paige getting woken up by Peter. Emily's actually kind of frustrating with how incredibly passive and shy she is at the moment. I'm definitely waiting for the time she grows into her own.

Also, it's really helpful that you've been spatially mapping things out for me. Boxcar 12, commons area, positioning of furniture in Paige's room, "kitchen is three cars back." It really makes me feel like I'm there.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 6 . 2/21/2013
Heck yes, this is what I'd definitely been waiting for. Emily joins the circus and she comes weaponized! I hope the stun-gun is a foreshadow to her using it later in this story. Hannah's a dangerous yet impeccable friend to have.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 5 . 2/21/2013
Paige and any kind of physicality really draws me in. Whether she's hammering stakes out of the ground, taking baths, trifling with a pocketknife or bringing a radio to her mouth, it's all very engaging.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 4 . 2/21/2013
Whatever problems that Emily has, I don't want Paige to save her. I want Emily to save herself.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 3 . 2/21/2013
It's good that Emily's beginning to smile. I like the spark of rebellion she's exhibiting and you can tell there's a free spirit trying to break out. I'm a sucker for Paige's tenderness and protective nature. Hannah's dramatic flair in portraying herself as participating in a crime spree is excellent. She's not just a character in this story. She's a character in her own damn mind.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 2 . 2/21/2013
Hannah is written spot on in this chapter. Emily is agonizingly subdued so her fiery best friend definitely provides a good contrast. She's very dynamic and even in a moment of calm dialogue between her and Paige, it seemed heightened, elevated and I totally felt the tension. Hannah instigating a fight with the couple in front of her was effectively entertaining. :)

As a personal preference, I'm not a fan of song lyrics used in fan fiction and I'll generally scroll straight through them but it takes nothing away from the story.
Steampunk Beauty chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
So, this chapter was a bit of a rough read for me. I think it's more a reflection of having to adjust to the tone of the story and figuring out the new supporting characters than it has anything to say about your writing. I wasn't sure how AUish this piece was so their meeting as nearly complete strangers kind of threw me for a loop.

I do really like the format you've chosen in switching povs between our protagonists and it's utterly amazing how introspective you've created Paige and Emily to be. I can definitely tell there's a story here full of substance.
Sazar chapter 16 . 2/11/2013
With all the problems with Fanfiction not working i was beginning to panic that it wasn't meant to be, but then I remembered it's Paily we are talking about, even fanfiction understands that you can't stop Paily.
"R.I.P Peter" I read that and was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO but then i read the chapter and it all made sense :P (p.s. lets not kill Peter shall we) Marley singing to Peter was so funny, I could just picture his reaction.
I love how this story is all about the details and how the different POV's layer together to create this picture. (Btw I have no clue how you are managing to pull off three POV's so beautifully and so full of detail, i can't even manage one)
I loved Emily threatening Cassie, totally bad-ass
And then the I love you. (Give me a minute i need to regroup from the awesomeness overload)
As always a superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr awsome job on making this so amazing.
ShurriG88 chapter 16 . 2/10/2013
I love this story. I am pretty new to FanFic so I am far from an expert, but this is the most fun AU for Paily I have read yet. Lol. It made me want to run off and join the circus. All of the POV's are fantastic and I even find myself loving the other characters. Mary and Riley are great and even Peter too. I also read Blue Lace and enjoyed that one very much. Anyway, just wanted to say that this story is great and I hope you keep adding to it. :)
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