Reviews for Mister Chairman
Harm Marie chapter 1 . 9/7/2013
Liked this. The nuke explanation was good. My fav part though, was the movie script voice over for the bugs. They totally did that in Leverage!
DC20 chapter 1 . 5/8/2013
Hey, saw a review was already put up for this, but I decided it should get another... for reasons.

I really enjoyed this story. It gives some great insight into the team and how they would deal with the aftermath of their battle in Manhattan. It's something I never really thought about-the credits of the movie roll, and I think it's all done with, but as a viewer I never really thought about how they would deal with what happened in a team meeting, and what they would do to establish a solid team. It was really cool to see something like that here, and it was especially great that the characters were so in character. You were spot on with writing the characters out.

I really have a lot of great things to say about this fic, but for the purposes of this review I'll focus mainly on stuff dealing with the constructive criticism aspect. The positives do deserve mentioning, but honestly I'd be here all night writing them out.

My first point deals with conflict. The characters are all in character, and I love their interactions with one another, but everything about the meeting seems like it's just too easy. What was great about the Avengers wasn't just their battle against Loki and his ilk, it was their conflicts with one another. That was what really drove the movie. I understand that, after the film, they'd likely have resolved a lot of that tension. But I would have liked to have seen some more conflict in their selection of a leader. As it stands we get a unanimous vote, and it comes pretty much straight out the bat. There isn't any conflict. I think this story would have been a lot more interesting if there had been at least one other contender for leadership, and if there was some disagreement within the ranks as to who should take charge.

My next point is your PoV. Natasha is a great PoV character, and I loved getting her insight and all of her side thoughts. But I'm left wondering why she was chosen as the PoV character. She doesn't really do anything in this fic. Mostly she just sits and observes. In fact, she only has one line of dialogue in the entire story, and it's at the very end when she agrees to contact Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. She plays no active role in helping decide who the leader should be. As above, I think as the PoV character she should have had a more active role in the events, and I think an introduced conflict could have facilitated that. For example, if there had been two potential leaders, and there was an even split in support for each, Natasha could have made the deciding vote, giving her more relevance as the PoV character (and even adding further internal conflict for her with the pressure of having to make the critical decision, especially if one of the two potential leaders was Clint).

A few points on punctuation, though these may be a bit more subjective. I'd recommend keeping exclamation points to dialogue. The best analogy I've heard for it is that using exclamation points outside of dialogue is like laughing at your own joke. It's definitely showing that you're excited about writing, and that's a very good thing. But outside of dialogue it often feels tacky, or like unwarranted exaggeration, especially if used often (as it is here). Your lines are strong by themselves, and I don't think they need the extra emphasis to hold the power they do.

A second point on punctuation is the use of ellipses. I feel the same way about them as I do with your exclamation points-your lines are strong enough that you don't need the ellipses to make a powerful sentence. In fact, I think most of them would be better off without the ellipses, with the possible exception of the use of them in one of Tony's line (and even then, I think there are almost always better ways to denote a pause or hesitation mid-line than the use of an ellipsis).

My final punctuation remark is about parentheses. I'm not going to say don't use parentheses. I think parentheses are great when used in the right places, such as your remark about Pepper Pots (I loved that one, and didn't think it was out of place or irrelevant). But I did think that the separate paragraphs of Natasha's thoughts didn't need to be put in parentheses. She's the PoV character. The way this story is framed, anything said outside of dialogue can be assumed to be coming from her-it doesn't need to be set aside or denoted as "other" text. The text in parentheses that does work are the short insights that come mid-sentence that would otherwise be set aside with things like em dashes (such as the Pepper Pots line, or the 'but much richer' comment about Tony), while the big blocks within parentheses that are made their own paragraphs would be better without them. The parentheses create a visual block in those cases, and it's unclear what they're being separated from since they are already their own paragraph.

One technical note: I loved Natasha's insight about Steve not having trouble finding people to follow him in 'The Great Patriotic War'. It was awesome because it really showed us how she'd view things differently because of her background-she's Russian, after all, and it was totally cool to see her using Russian terminology, and it put a really goofy grin on my face. The trouble is though that, even by her standards, Steve never fought in The Great Patriotic War. As Russians use the term, The Great Patriotic war is used specifically in reference to the fighting on the Eastern front between Axis and Soviet troops. The Russians still refer to everything else, such as the fighting in the Pacific and the Western front (where Steve was fighting) as World War II or The Second World War. It's a really technical nitpick, and it's not something that really hurts the story, but I figured for authenticity's sake I'd throw in a mention.

Anyway, all told I really enjoyed this story. I'm a total comic book nerd, but I haven't read a whole lot of comic book fanfiction on this site. Your story was an excellent place to start dipping my feet in. Total kudos for this one, and I'll be looking to read more of your stuff in the future!
THGFAN101 chapter 1 . 5/7/2013
This is a really great story! I loved it! This would be the perfect epilogue to the Avengers movie. I liked how all the characters were IC and your writing flows very nicely. So, great job!

As for constructive criticism, this is what I have found:
{Old habits die hard.} Normally words like "die hard" would be hypenated. So, it should be "die-hard".

{their recent vacations} Vacation is usually singluar. So instead, you should place "vacation" instead of "vacations".

{There was a brief pause, then he continued} After the comma and before "then" you should place the word "and". So it would be "...and then he continued.

{"As I said, there's only six of us, and a whole planet to protect.} Here instead of saying "there's only six of us" write "there are only six of us".

{miskeyed} I'm not sure what this word is, you probably mispelled it.

{I learned in my army days was the importance} Instead of using the word "was", you should use the word "were".

{the extra hassle of lots of people screaming} Instead of "lots of" use "many".

{Sam to give lots of material support and sky-high security} Same as above, use the word "many" instead.

{...everything from their on...} Instead of "their" you use "there".

Lastly, I've noticed that there has been many times when you didn't put a space between words or words and puncation marks. I suggest that you double check that there's a space between words and puncation mark so you wouldn't have any spelling errors. I didn't write them all down because it would take a while, and that would just show you I'm picky about the littlest things.

Besides from those mistakes, your one-shot was perfect! Keep on writing great fanfics! :)

Cheers,
Anna
THGFAN101
ballofstring66 chapter 1 . 11/6/2012
I think the dialogue is exceptionally well written and flows very naturally.

My personal view on this sentence "Someone (probably Pepper Potts) had very thoughtfully arranged for a smaller table...," is that it shows characterisation - i.e. it clearly wasn't tardy tony who would think of that kind of detail.

I would suggest you avoid the use of italics as emphasis too much - it detracts from the flow of the sentence sometimes. I think you have to allow your readers some credit and let them work it out for themselves. That isn't to say it can't be very effective but it has more effect if not used too much in my opinion.
Wildcard999 chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
/...just in case their esteemed director [was] running ahead of schedule... /
Were is for the director, which is singular, not their, who own the director. The director is the one being ahead of schedule. Therefore, it's a singular was, not were.

/The only valid excuse for showing late would have been something along the lines of a recently acquired bullet hole in one lung—mere flesh wounds in the arm or leg didn't qualify!/
Lol! Good one.

/This was why Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff slid into adjacent seats at the big table in the Stark Tower boardroom at 1:45 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon./

Okay, that's weird, just standing alone in its own paragraph. You should either join everything into the same paragraph, or change your intro to the sentence. 'This' implies you just said something, but even the previous paragraph doesn't hold the answer. New paragraphs put way too much distance between sentences like these, no matter how short or long they are, so either reiterate the gist of why they're there early, or squish everything together.

/Not that anyone missed him enough to complain about it right away./
Again, I think this belongs with the preceding paragraph. Nice one, btw.

I like how you show the team's personalities with their arrival times, but don't get too carried away with it so as to make the reader forget the meeting is most important right now and cause them to forget who's accounted for and who isn't. It wouldn't have hurt to add in a little more about why Bruce and Thor were so close to the line, and probably expected to be.

/Someone (probably Pepper Potts) had very thoughtfully arranged for a smaller table.../

I think the mention of Pepper is unnecessary if it isn't even important enough to really be part of the sentence. This seems like a total fanboy moment to me, like it's there just because you know the fandom. I wouldn't say that's a good enough reason to have the mention in there.

/Specifically, he'd only needed to come up two floors from.../
I hate to say it, but this really could've done without the word 'specifically' and it actually comes off as pretentious. This is the first time I've really thought to use this word in regards to you, but this does feel pretentious.

/(It also would have been a draw if Stark had been in the conference room at the designated time, but neither of them had been terribly worried about that contingency.)/
I think you really need to rethink anything in parentheses. If it's not important enough to be part of the main story, it really doesn't belong. I'll mention any after this that I think actually IS important enough to keep because I think it'll be less work.

/Loser had to buy dinner for two at the winner's choice of restaurant [after the meeting was over]./
Not a big deal, but I thought I'd mention it. I notice you sometimes say stuff with slightly more words than necessary. It can make things feel longer, slower or more boring than necessary. I've bracketed the part that one could really infer. I mean, why would the reader, with all they know so far, think they'd up and leave RIGHT THEN AND THERE to go buy dinner? I mean, it's 2:30pm anyway! Even seniors don't have dinner THAT early. XD
Anyway, you can decide whether it's important to you how fast a story is told. But keep an eye out for it when you need things to start moving.

/She knew Clint didn't really begrudge the expense; it was just that he'd never acquired a proper enthusiasm for Russian cuisine and Natasha always insisted on touching base with her cultural roots whenever she won such a wager./
This seems misleading. I won't say that the info is good characterization, because it is, but I got the impression that the main issue both of them took with losing the wager was the loss of face and pride. I mean, these two seem like the kind of people who'd be more pissed losing a penny bet than having to morgage a house to pay for someone's college tuition! Or am I off the mark here? Anyway, if I'm right about them, the sentence is very misleading about who these people are.

/...you Avengers need to choose a 'field leader' or 'chairman' or some sort of authority figure whose job will be to call the shots the next time you all head into action./
Up until here, it really did sound like Nick Fury talking. Now it sounds like he's morphed into a namby-pamby guy who can't make a decision about something. Either he decided on a name for the position, or he doesn't give a shit. Pick one. If he doesn't give a shit, you only need one or and he isn't going to spend any time describing duties. The point is the guy's in charge and that's all he'll say. Details can be assigned later once the decision's made.

/some of the rugged individualists.../

What's a 'rugged' individualist? I know what an individualist is, but rugged?

/Now that we can bicker to our hearts' content behind closed doors, just like any well-adjusted family, does anyone care to make a nomination?"/
LMAO, that's total Stark! It's ridiculous how much it sounds like him!

/...led by one with no natural loyalty to your 'United States of America.'"/
Given that the period is not part of our country's name, that second apostraphe should go in front of the period, not after. I know it looks weird like that, but that's what you get for putting a quote right at the end of a sentence.

/(Likewise, Natasha didn't suppose there would be much enthusiasm in Washington for letting the most powerful special operations unit on the planet be led by a semi-reformed Russian assassin—so it was just as well that she didn't even want the job.)/
And here we have one. Since the next paragraph refers to it, and it's important to the discussion and her choices within said discussion, it needs to stay. Ditch the parentheses. They don't belong as it is anyway because a parenthesis statement is meant to be a segue from the story, like it's not even there. Practically an author's note. But this one is actually part of the story and integral to it.

/ "Look, I'm touched, I really am, but I'm already so busy, doesn't it make more sense to just let Steve take a shot at it?"/
Lol, classic!

It's a little weird having Earth referred to as 'Midguard' in the prose, but Idk if it's actually wrong. It seems dangerously close to a POV shift though.

/As it became clear that no one else was eager to speak right away, Bruce Banner opened his mouth.../
Okay, this is feeling a little carried away. This is a moment. Do we really need EVERYONE'S reactions? It feels like Thor has been staring for almost a minute. Like he's on pause or his brain crashed. You've got a LOT of paragraphs in between Thor's jaw-dropping surprise and his recovery. That's far too long. The parentheses don't help the time delay any either. If you put their reactions all into a single paragraph, it might help, but I can't really tell. But as it stands, it sounds like someone needs to whack him on the side of the head and snap him out of something. Or check his batteries.

/The result of these diverse reactions was several seconds of awkward silence.../
That actually makes it worse. And I have no idea why silence is emphasized. Better to show than tell, right? Show us several seconds, don't show minutes and tell seconds.

/"I think most of us favor plain speaking when we're talking about serious business. Avoids awkward misunderstandings."/
Is that really how Bruce Banner talks? It's been a while since I saw the Hulk movies and I haven't seen the Avengers movie yet. I don't even know who Natasha's friend is. And all I know about Black Widow is right in this fic.

/(That was rich, coming from the man who had deliberately pretended to throw a tantrum the first time Natasha spoke to him . . . just because he was curious to see how she'd react when she thought he was on the brink of becoming big, green, dumb, ugly, and the strongest thing alive.)/
Again, not a segue. Ditch the parentheses.

/ But if anyone had objected to the idea of taking orders from me, I wanted to know right now and hash it out before we went any further with selecting a leader. Instead of just saying: 'Ha ha, you're outnumbered, so shut up and do as you're told!'"/
I saw Captain America. I can't hear him saying those words. The general idea, yes, but the words you chose sound so...formal and...well, like an egghead or something. And the parts he quoted sound more like Tony Stark than him, especially not the character you've given him in this fic.
In the next paragraph it sounds just like him though.

/Ike had hundreds of thousands of troops involved in Operation Overlord, and he knew some of them would die no matter what, but that didn't have to stop the others from winning anyway/
Besides, anyone who joined up on purpose already knew it meant they'd be answering to our Commander in Chief. Joining the Avengers didn't have that rider.

/Natasha strongly suspected that in practice.../
In what practice?

/"Don't give up on SHIELD's databases quite so quickly, doctor,"/
You mean 'so fast' right? I've never heard him say 'quite so quickly'. Especially since quite is a diminisher in America, and diminishers are not his cup of tea. He's an all or nothing kind of guy.

Nice explanation for why Pietro and Wanda would be their first choices. The thing is, that whole block is very info-dumpish. Not out of character for Stark to say, although you'd think he'd make a joke/snide remark about idiots or government or something afterward, but I won't say it's wrong. It's just a lot of info in a short amount of time, making it tough to follow.

Anyway, I know this has a LOT of negative comments in it, but you know what? You're an awesome writer. You can take it. I mean, when I first started reading, I honestly didn't think I'd have much of anything to say. I was really surprised about finding what I found because you just SOUND like you know what you're doing. And I could definitely see this as an epilogue chapter
Crescent Blue chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
Very well done! I admit that I've never watched the movie Avengers, but I am familiar with many of the characters in it. Your story is a blend of humor, I chuckled at Tony Stark's inexcusable tardiness and the bet that was made on it, all of the internal politics that goes on in government and their questionable decisions, and the jealousies that arose from those wanting to take on leadership themselves. As of yet, I couldn't find a single error in your story.

Keep writing. :-)