|Reviews for Fifty Shades: Broken Hearted|
| Guest chapter 60 . 7/18
I would like never to read anythink about that horrible, primitive scum of humanity, trashy tramp Allyson. I do love Ana so please enough of hurting her. M
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/11
Why sophisticated and educated Christian regress in his communication and language , Baby, I am so sorry...
| Guest chapter 7 . 7/11
Why only Ana is always in pain, indistress. There should be a law and justice for amoral women and men alike.
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/11
Why did you make cheepstake of Christian?
| Guest chapter 4 . 7/11
Oh, Anastasia be strong, you have beautiful angels.
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/11
Why Christian is showing more respect to sub than Ana. Ana should kick him out from her and children lives and move far away.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/11
It cant be true, it is very cruel as Christian was monogamous even with his subs. This is not the real Christian.
| Guest chapter 89 . 7/8
It was perfect
| Guest chapter 92 . 7/7
omg i have never ever enjoyed reading something so much-your amazing thank you
| Guest chapter 65 . 7/7
Were you writing this when you were watching vampire diaries and the originals?
| Guest chapter 62 . 7/7
Susie you have a great story and two beloved characters to work with. I just don't understand why you chose to give them a personality labotamy. They now course at each other and call it communication. This is woman who is supposed to love English literature, the written word. She loves old romance stories, classical music, culture, etc. Christian speaks two languages, also a lover of the classics - music culture literature. He does business with the best around the world. Presumably he has great interpersonal skills and an ability to communicate effectively. Yet your version of him that no longer evident. He courses and calls it communication. They argue in front of their kids? In version of them, they have regressed into two bad reality show characters with a dysfunctional personal relationship and questionable parental skills. Was that your intentions? To devolve them into debased characters?
You have a good story to tell. I like it a lot. But you've written them as bad kardasian characters.
While you do tell a great story, I just don't recognize the Christian and Ana characters at all. It's like they are different people entirely.
Just an observation.
Enjoying your core storytelling though.
| Guest chapter 52 . 7/6
Ok. So I found your fifty shades fan fiction only recently, and cursory on your plot idea. Addressing fidelity and possible divorce is a great idea. I also love the examination of a potential outside child. Great writing topic. You're have a talent.
Criticism: it's as if you've changed the personalities EL James' character. Ana has become someone who curses to no end, which in my reading on the books, doesn't appear to be like her. She screams profanity as her parents? Also, seems out of character. The Ana from the books was very guarded and protective of her relationship with Christian and would carelessly divulge personal information not even to her best friend Kate. In your interpretation of her, she spills the intimate details of her marital problems to a guy she knew for a day, not even considering if he would sell the information. She also falls into bed with him on the first date although she's unsure about whether she wants to divorce her husband. She was once career driven , but now it seems to be an after thought.
Christian who demands respect and intimidates people allows his employee sawyer to threaten him if he hurts Ana again and not get fired. He also someone who's guarded with his feelings in the books, but has now become a cry baby.
I feel like I'm reading a very promising the interesting story, but the real characters have been snatched and replaced with duplicates that look like them but do not act like or sound like them at all.
Just saying being mindful of and true to the personalities of the otherwise well established characters of another writier is just as important as the story you wish to tell. Otherwise, it's like reading the body snatchers.
You're a promising writer. You have idea and are not afraid to write about topics that fans of those characters want to read. But if you're going to ignore the essence of those characters, you might as well change the names because they are no longer THE Anastasia and Christian Grey. They are just imposters with their names.
I hope you take my criticisms in the spirit they were given. Not to bash your work but to be helpful. I still you have a good story, I just to recognize to same Ana and Christian from the EL James story.
Keep writing. You have a talent for it.
I feel like
| Guest chapter 15 . 7/5
I'm now 15 chapters in, hoping that at some point I would recognize these characters as those from the original 50 shades books, however, aside from using the characters names, there's nothing about the characters described in this story that resembles the original ones. Believe me the plot choice has interesting possibilities, but I don't relate these characters to the original. The relationship of the main characters in the Original story were no doubt complicated, and filled with issues as we saw them played out in the books. That's why it's so unfortunate for me to described this particular depiction of characters I enjoyed reading about (including the creative fan fiction written about them) as completed dysfunctional and reminiscent of a horrible and trashy reality show.
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/5
Does all your adult characters in this story use the word 'whilst'? So far it seems like they do. And a lot.
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/5
Lol. So Ana is thinking about divorcing her husband for cheating and sought legal advice on what to do from her husband's dad? And not that he can't give the legal advice, but if I remember correctly, he's a criminal attorney, speficially prosecution. Wouldn't he suggest she seek the advice of a divorce lawyer.
The characters' roles and importance to the plot doesn't seem to be well thought out or researched.