|Reviews for An Adventure Before the End|
| Certh chapter 1 . 11/1/2012
Not bad for a first fic. Interesting. The original character is believable so far, and the description was beautiful. May I suggest more paragraph breaks between dialogue lines, however? Just to make the text more evenly spaced out and easier to read.
There were a few spelling slip-ups, like 'Belrog' instead of 'Balrog' and 'neigh' instead of 'nigh'; and some missing punctuation before the closing quotation marks; but everyone makes such slip-ups now and then. Also, the word 'mines' in 'Mines of Moria' should be capitalised, and the same goes for 'fellowship' when referring to the Nine Walkers.
Now, concerning Elvish. Elvish names (be they Sindarin or Quenya) don't usually take an -a suffix. 'Erudessa' should be 'Erudess' (from 'Eru' and 'bess' (lenited to 'dess' when forming a compound word); the suffix -a is unnecessary.
The Sindarin phrase 'Im gosta an le' should be 'Goston anlen' (when the 'you' is formal) or 'Goston angin' (when the 'you' is informal). 'Gosta-' is a root verb; in Sindarin, nominative pronouns are suffixed onto the verb; thus, we have 'goston' for 'I fear' instead of 'Im gosta'.
'Lau' is a Quenya word, which doesn't quite translate as 'No' in English. As far as we know, there is no word in either Quenya or Sindarin that can be translated as a simple 'No'; personally, I would omit the particular word altogether.
'Avo 'osto' should be 'Av'osto', because lenition comes into play.
'Hiril nín' should be 'hiril nîn'.
'No in elenath hîlar nan hâd gîn' should be 'No in elenath sílo erin râd gîn' or 'No in elenath sílo am vâd gîn' (May the host of stars shine upon your path). 'Hîlar' is the lenited form of an Old Sindarin verb (sîla-) that isn't used anymore; 'nan' means 'towards a place'; and in that form, 'hâd' simply doesn't exist as a word in Sindarin.
Also, in the lament lyrics, the word 'Ú-reniathach' is missing an 'i' at the end; 'n gwidh' should be 'in gwidh; 'nuithanne' and 'ethuianne' should have an 'n' at the end.