|Reviews for Breath of Evil|
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 20 . 11/11/2014
I loved this chapter Rothalion. Truly well done.
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 19 . 10/15/2014
I loved reading the entire story through. And hope that all will be well with you as well.
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 15 . 10/15/2014
I truly loved reading chapters 13, 14 and 15
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 12 . 10/15/2014
I loved the Psalm that you placed here within this chapter
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 10 . 10/15/2014
I loved reading both chapters nine and ten
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 8 . 10/15/2014
I enjoyed reading this chapter
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 7 . 10/15/2014
truly loved reading this chapter to
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 6 . 10/15/2014
truly well done
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 5 . 10/15/2014
I feel bad for Salem now.
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 4 . 10/15/2014
It was well done in my opinion
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 3 . 10/15/2014
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 2 . 10/15/2014
well done with this chapter as well
| Genesis Vakarian chapter 1 . 10/15/2014
well done with chapter one
| Mercstouch chapter 18 . 8/12/2014
Finally I can review this cool new chapter :) sorry for the delay. Congrats on getting to 18. You put a lot of work into this insightful series. First off, the dialogue throughout was comical (except for the storytelling I guess) and in character. Salem's excitement for Rios' return was nice. I liked how he shrugged it off after saying how much he missed him like "yeah whatever. Welcome back, jerk." *punches shoulder* Lol it just sounded to like something guys like them would do, which is usually hide their affection/feelings because that's not manly, right? Rios' quote about admitting Vasily's advice was a humbling experience cracked me up. I could just hear him grumbling it, nice job. "Check out my ostrich egg" too funny! The fact he sounded proud really shows his kind of childish personality that comes through, like a little kid showing off their bandaid. The paragraphs about where the guys like Giddy and Gabe stand were revealing, both about Salem's views of them and his background, like how he wasn't sure what a big brother or father should be like exactly because he'd never had a good enough reference. The comparison of this and describing colors to a blind man was a nice simile (I guess that's a simile, forgive me if my literary devices are wrong). I will admit that I wasn't sure if he'd go that into depth about his sexual abuse with the team, mostly because his character just seems so in denial and, I don't know, secretive? His whole story was extremely personal and probably really hard to share, which shows his newfound trust in the team. He brushes off the pain or sadness, and tells it rather casually, which I believe goes back to needing to be "tough" and also I could see Salem not wanting them to feel sorry for him. Like "Oh, it's nothing. I can handle anything," which he's pretty insecure about, people thinking he can't handle their job I mean, like how he was saddened when Rios said "this pack weighs as much as you". I really like the Russians in your fics. I ship Seth and Ilya lol. I forgot about Dabi and Gareth! I guess because I haven't read the chapters with them recently. I like that they can be Salem's reference for a relationship so he can sort out his feelings for Vasily. Oh yeah I almost forgot, the part about Salem blushing and fearing the others somehow heard his thoughts was nicely done as well, very relatable. A few questions about your OCs. I can't recall if Seth is Russian or American? And about how old would you say Giddy is? I guess that about wraps things up. Great work, and the little added in lines you made were an improvement :) can't wait to see the op! Thanks for posting.
| More AoT Please chapter 14 . 7/11/2014
Ch 14 Part 3
Salem suffered an unimaginable loss. When something this horrible happens, when you lose everything, people instinctively look for a reason why. The fact that Hunter was unable to find him and apologize for the letter, tell him about Jennifer being unstable and the cause of the loss, Salem turns to someone he thinks should know, someone who could help and provide comfort. Instead he receives condemnation from a poorly educated holy man in a backward country quoting the letter of the law and passing judgment out of context. With a letter in his pocket from his father-in-law placing blame solely on Elliot and no other reasonable explanation for his suffering, he absorbs the assigned blame. He reasons with himself that he was bad. He did something bad and this was his punishment. As a species we look for the 'why' in things. With no other source of comfort or council this is the only way he could deal with the situation. By ordering it logically. There was no one else to turn to. His new team was in the process of actively rejecting him, Top could have helped him if he'd let him. Instead, he glossed over the situation thinking he already had his answer. Top was unaware of what the kid had been told by the Somali or that the boy was actually taking it to heart. This has lead to a steady cycle of emotional destruction. He wants and needs desperately to be wanted but conversely feels undeserving. He feels like a bad person but knows he's not. He knows deep down God didn't take his family to punish him but he has no other rational explanation for it so he clings to it since it seems logical. He clings desperately to those he cares for while simultaneously shutting them out to an extent. It's a dichotomy that he doesn't understand himself and it's kept him torn up inside, resulting in destructive behaviors. He's screaming for 'help' but he doesn't know how to accept it. Fifteen years later, Hunter comes clean. If Salem had known about Jennifer's instability from the start the whole situation could have been averted. Hunter's own denial and judgmental attitude started the ugly chain of events which lead to fifteen years of torment and dysfunction for Salem. With every right in the world to be enraged over the revelation, the poor man just doesn't have the strength or the energy any more. At least he's been vindicated. Now his conscious thoughts can join his subconscious in affirming that he's not worthless and undeserving, that he is a good man and not a monster. he can stop running from himself. Knowing God doesn't hate him, and it wasn't his fault won't take away the pain of loss but now it can be managed. The downside is he's still going to have to work through the pain he locked away years ago and never dealt with. It's as fresh as the day it happened and it won't be easy, but at least its a healing process, one that's begun with support this time. It's a difficult journey through to the other side but it's one he can make now, knowing he'll get to the other side.
Rios is learning at a quicker pace now. He seems to recognize the meaning behind some of the songs Salem listens to and how they apply. He's seeing where he fits in them, I just wish he had taken the time, paid enough attention to the meaning behind the choices a long time ago. Some of the music was cathartic and some could be seen as a way of reaching out. “I know you love your music...so maybe I can use it to get through to you...just listen and know that you can't ever drive me away.” “Look, Salem I don't want a replacement.” This is an assurance Elliot needed years ago.
I liked the comparison you used with the incident from DM with the NVG goggles. Rios has been seeing Salem in the dark, never 'really seeing' him and now he's blinded by the light and he's going to need time to adjust. Great illustration of the situation.
“This is big...give me time to adjust”
“I understand Tyse, I do.”
“Do you?...I know everything about you, your shoes size...blood type, heart rate...blood pressure...I know you moods...We're so close we don't need words to communicate and still I never saw any of this coming, man!” “I couldn't help you because I didn't know” “Elliot had I known there are so many times, things...”
“I know, in Somalia you said you were stupid to have thought I had a girlfriend or anyone. Couldn't even take care of myself. I had the picture was gonna tell it but you scared me off.”
This is an interesting admission because even though Tyson has a tendency to be judgmental (ATB especially) at times, this entire conversation (chapter) has been nothing but truthful admissions and straightforward explanations. It feels as though they are genuinely working through important and difficult issues, revealing their actions and the reasoning behind them. It's not the defensive finger-pointing it could have easily devolved into; just simple cause and effect. It's the uncomfortable soul bearing that's been a long time coming.
You seem to be able to inject a bit of humor into even solemn situations seamlessly. You really have a handle on the character voices too because this fits them to a 'T'
“I can't hear you, Salem.”
“I don't sing, Tyse.”
“And before today you didn't talk, so sing.”
“You sing in the shower...you sing in your sleep...you sing when you're driving...just sing with me”
“My sleep, that's creepy Tyse.”
“Yeah, tell me about it, Kermit.”
LOL those two. I can just picture Elliot with a slightly pained face. The “ugh, really?” expression written all over it, shortly followed by a look of resignation.
Loved this part. “Tyse, it's okay to call me Ellie...never made me sad just made me know you cared. She was, 'is' my daughter...no one should ever...forget their daughter. I loved her.” It seems to be Elliot's way of holding on to her. It's interesting he corrects himself from 'was' to 'is'.
“I don't know about you but all this emotional stuff is worse than a fire fight. All I can think of is taking a nap until super time.”
“Ok. Beats the hell out of kicking and screaming in a dark ass closet while I wait.” Oh Salem. LOL. Sad thing is, he's learned this first-hand.