Continued:

As for the identity of the victim, the name wasn't important to the story so I did not mention it, but someone did die and that death was attributed to Kirito.

To the review below:

They checked off-screen. It was confirmed. I don't see how it's a plot hole when the entire premise revolves around the idea that Kirito is innocent but the game system thinks that he's a killer. Of course the Monument of Life would be consistent with that system.

Don't the names of players that are PK'd or killed by an NPC appear on a wall on the first floor? If they do, why don't they just check who was killed by Kirito? If it shows that there was no one PK'd at the time his name turned red, which Asuna saw happen, then cleary something fishy is going on. No one's even curious as to the identity of the 'victim'. What the hell happened to due process? You'd think they'd have it so as to not decline into anarchy.

The end was a nice touch and im at least happy that he still ended up with Asuna.

CHEESE WAS VERY WELL-WRITTEN, POO XD It was appropriate though, I think. I mean, for the moment and all. (I can't say much because I've only read bits and pieces of this fic but whatevs.) They're still very cheesy. But if this is what you say is mild, then... wow, anime. Wow XD I am sort of impressed and sort of not.

THE SHONEN WAS SPOT-ON, THOUGH (did not type STOP-ON). I LOVED IT. That one part in italics up there did it for me completely. I just. DUDE THE WAY YOU WRITE FIGHTING. COULD FANBOY OVER IT FOR DAAAAAAAAYS.

Once upon a time, there lived a swordsman who was all alone in the world. He fought monsters every day because he wanted to survive, even though he had never really known what it meant to live.

Then before he knew it, there were people around him. He made friends with the cheerful Klein, the dependable Agil, the adorable Silica, the smart-talking Lizbeth and the beautiful Asuna. Before he knew it, his world was full of colour and excitement. Every day, they went on adventures.

Then one day, abruptly, their fairy tale ended forever.

THE BEST, EVER. EVER EVER EVER.

I loved it but... WHAT ABOUT ASUNA AND KIRITO? I WANTE TO SEE THEIR MEETING! Other than that, this wa s an amazing story and I loved it. A lot.

Well, that was a surprise.

I do like how you addressed a lot of real world issues like rehabilitation and psychiatry, but the last two chapters felt like a completely different story. Partly because the chapters were a lot longer, but the prose style felt different too. I did like the ending overall, but the lack of resolution in certain parts irks me. Nevertheless, I felt each of the supporting characters had nice interaction with Kirito (particularly Lisbeth) and the slight twist regarding Agil hit surprisingly hard given how offhandedly it was mentioned in the story.

Overall, this was a very nice attempt at a rewrite. Though there were some aspects of your interpretations of the characters that I didn't agree with, I don't think it got in the way of my enjoyment of the story. It was consistently well-written and the battle scenes stood out to me as particularly enjoyable. It's not often I come across a story that puts as much detail in the action scenes as this one and it was a compulsive page turner. It was the perfect length, too.

Congratulations on finishing NaNoWriMo. You have every right to be proud of this story.

The Army subplot was certainly less interesting than what the story could have been, but the twist that you ended it with was quite a surprise. Usually, I can predict where a fanfic is going, but Silica's death took me completely off-guard. It was clever how you thought of the revival item, though I did see that coming after some thought. In any case, it was great to see that used.

After that, the story got a lot more interesting. Asuna killing Kuradeel and becoming a red player promises some meaty character development, though I'm honestly not sure it'll fulfill its potential with only two chapters to go.

The interesting part about these later chapters was how you developed Kirito and Asuna's relationship. Kirito's taken on a more passive role in this story and I felt the absence of his voice hurt the story as a whole. But I like his role in the later parts and the emphasis on friendship. It feels refreshing to see his relationships with Klein and Agil addressed and not just his relationship with Asuna.

Interesting to see Kirito and Kayaba interact so early on, though I am not quite as keen on the Army subplot. Involving Silica was a twist, though. It doesn't look like Yui is involved, either. (Understandable, since Kirito and Asuna aren't married at this point.)

I like the level of detail in the world and in the characterisations. It's not quite as detailed as the novels and you don't get everything right, but the world is still fleshed out and believable.

Impressive writing for a NaNoWriMo novel so far. I hope you managed to keep this level of quality up over the entire month. And you're right that this is a very different story from Game Over. I think this story is better suited to my tastes, but Game Over was a good story in its own right.

I like how in this story you don't bother with recapping the original story, but you do give enough context to place where the events fit. And it's nice seeing the story through Asuna's point of view instead of Kirito's. Overall solid opening chapter.

Aww no KiritoxAsuna ending?

But everything else was good

Ahhhh can't believe this fic is done already! It could have gone longer! Sequel?

Kirito has such great friends :)

omg this plot is so good I can't believe you killed Silica and brought her back to life with the revival item

the last couple of chapters were really intense so I didnt review.

But I realyl like how there's another boss battle but this time with Kirito!

I'm worried about Asuna though D:

Asuna was really awesome here. I miss Kirito but this was still good.

No Yui in this story? :( Its weird having the army plot without her

The battle was really awesome!