Reviews for Goodbye, Love
Guest chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
Oooh this was so packed with emotions! A very intense read, I felt really connected the whole way through.
hillbythetree chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
I see you! I see you sneaking a RENT quote in there!

I liked this fic a lot. You've got the general mechanics of writing down pat, which made for a very enjoyable read. I like how you created suspense by drawing certain moments out. And the last line- ugh. Ugh. Yes.

The end killed me and gave me a lot of "no no NOPE NOPE nonono" type feelings. I give you huge kudos for making that surprise reveal work! Very good!

I got a little stuck up on the large block of dialogue that Connor delivers as he's standing by Kevin's grave. Perhaps breaking it up would make it easier to read all the way through. I love the idea, and inserting some of Connor's actions or observations of the scene would make it easier to read and more realistic.

I liked the mood of this piece. Also, I almost felt cold reading it! For setting the scene, I would suggest using a bit more "show, not tell" descriptors. For example, instead of:

"It was cold."

You could put:

"Connor shivered and huddled into his jacket."

That's not the best example, but showing and not telling makes the scene flow and seem natural. It shows how the characters are reacting to the environment.

Sorry for getting all English-teachery up in this review, but I liked this story a lot! You've got promise! Hope to see your BoM stories again!