|Reviews for Redeem|
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 1 . 4/29
I found "said snappishly" somewhat awkward and unnecessary, as "snapped" would be clearer. There were also some awkward extra words that were almost errors ("passed by before," "as Glenn turned around, Magus bowed down").
However, the clear focus on action, rather than introspection, made this an interestingly constructed drabble. The refusal to openly state which of the required ideas of the prompt made it more subtle and intriguing than it would've been otherwise. An interesting read.
| Guile Mustang chapter 1 . 7/31/2013
Maybe my comment will be shorter here...
I like the reason why Magus joins the group. Glenn's kindness touches him, eh? :P Anyhow, I know why you use 'Glenn' instead of 'Frog', because Frog getting cursed into a frog doesn't really sound right... This part actually, has been one of my most fav'd scene in the game, and you managed thing well. A challenge? Wow, you have almost fitted in all the prompts, you know! Ray gun and spaceship can be fitted in as well if you slip in something about the Black Omen... Heh? Just kidding!
| HeroesAmongUs chapter 1 . 12/4/2012
I love these challenges, I read a 100 word one before and it always amazes me how you do it. I see you got sword in there as well as magic, very nice. This feels like the beginning of a huge fight, just like the ones in the movies. A very nice drabble, well done.
| Crow's Talon chapter 1 . 11/26/2012
Although I'm not familiar with this fandom, this drabble gets across the theme of redemption well, as well as Glenn's reformation of Magus by refusing to fight him. The sword was incorporated well, and there are no SPAG errors. Good work.
| Edhla chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
I love having a look at challenges, especially ones that have a specific word limit.
I'm not familiar with Chrono Trigger, but in such a short drabble I don't think it matters as much as a huge multichaptered thing :)
I love the moment you've chosen, and how you've woven it in with the prompts you had- very intelligent and sophisticated. You've stopped and started at the right time, too.
The only thing I can suggest is that, for 100 words, this is worded fairly loosely. You could probably compact a few expressions, which would leave you further room to elaborate further and throw some more images and ideas in with the remaining words. For example "Magus snapped" is one less than "Magus said snappishly" (which reads a little awkwardly in any case) and... well, I can PM you a writing of it that uses less words, but only if you're truly interested :)
This is a lovely one-shot, though. I'm interested in who these people are and what's going on- which I guess means it's served its purpose well. Enjoyed!
| Anne Fatalism Dilettante chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
In one hundred words, you have...wow. I'm unfamiliar with this fandom, but I feel that you've conveyed the start to an epic battle perfectly - only to quickly draw it away, resolving the tension in just the blink of an eye. Great job on that. I normally do badly in 100 word challenges, because it's so hard to convey any emotions in it!
And now I should read your longer pieces!
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
This is a good moment, and feels like a complete story, because there's a change of action here. I don't know the characters, of course, but it works for a one-shot; they seem adequately different, Glenn being a fighter and Magus, obviously, being a mage.
There are a couple of extraneous words in here that I think you could make more interesting. I already get 'snappishly' from the line of dialogue, moments are always 'brief,' and 'passed by' can just be 'passed.' Since you have three words to play with that way, I'd work that into a brief description with either the growling or gasping, as they could both take a little more description, though they aren't underdescribed.
'by helping you my magic skill' - reads a little flatly, both due to how exposition-ish it is, and due to the awkward wording. I think you could find something more fluid to describe that.
You've worked in the prompt well - I assume it's betrayal, and the sword and magic are obviously part of the setting. Hope this helps! Brief, since the story's equally brief.
SPAG: None. Well done!
| ballofstring66 chapter 1 . 11/15/2012
I really enjoy reading these challenge entries. I like how you took these two characters stories and lives and gave us a glimpse of a defining moment between them.
I too was a bit confused as to whether the italics meant thought or mind reading. Glenn's moment of mercy was very authentic.
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
Ah, a game I am familiar with, as I'm sure I've said before. I promise I won't ask why Crono is spelled without an 'h' ;) It's because in the game, you're not allowed anymore than five letters for a character's name... So, bye-bye H.
The hero of this story is of course Frog (good ol Frog) who chooses not to kill Magus, despite him being a murderer. I'll always have a soft spot for Frog cuz he's such a sweet/valiant/strong character.
Pretty awesome in the end when Magus bows. It's an interesting image because Magus is a full-sized man and 'Glen' is so short.
I like your take on why Magus decides to join the rest of the group. It's such a cool part in the game, and my first time around, I didn't even realize that you could take Magus into your party. I was like, who-the-what-now? Magus is awesome.
Anyway, these drabbles are so impressive, being exactly 100 words. It's got to be so hard, and I can't even imagine telling a story in so few words, but you managed just fine. And a great scene you chose, as well.
Sword, magic, betrayal, regret, forgiveness, hope. Wow, nice work incorporating all of these. Maybe even love, especially when you think of Glen and Cyrus. All that's missing is a horse, dragon, ray gun and spaceship. Well, if Magus had a horse or if Lavos was a dragon, and you somehow included the Black Omen and the ray guns that some of the enemies sorta have in there, you'd have everything :p
"A brief moment of silence passed by, before Glenn closed his eyes and sheathed his sword." I would change to "A brief moment of silence passed by before Glenn closed his eyes and sheathed his sword."
I like that in the end Magus is merely thinking what he feels instead of saying it, almost as if Frog doesn't need to hear it, but simply knows what Magus means by bowing down. As a knight, he would know, I suppose.
| Vampcoffee chapter 1 . 11/12/2012
I'm curious about your spelling of 'Crono'. The title of the fandom is spelled 'Chrono' so is that a mistake?
As far as I can tell, you accomplished the challenge, so that's a good thing. This is obviously a strained partner ship between these two characters you manage to get that across in within the limit. I don't see anything wrong with, short and effective.
| PrinceVeggie chapter 1 . 11/11/2012
Interesting. I like the way you captured Magus.
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
Nice work you did with this drabble! Again, not familiar with Chrono Trigger, so I'm not sure how these characters (Glenn and Magus) would act in a situation like the one being portrayed. I was glad to see Glenn not kill Magus and Magus offering help for Glenn's kind deed, and I hope that they are able to vanquish Lavos!
So I thought I found a mispelling with Crono (since the game is entitled Chrono), but after a quick look, there is a character named Crono (the things that you learn daily...), and there were no other mistakes, so nice work proofreading! Once again, I truly enjoyed reading this lovely piece of work and nice job with the challenge, as you accomplished it with ease! :)
| Empress Nightshade chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
Okay...let's see. A sword: check. I'm seeing... betrayal. Um, hope, and maybe forgiveness. Check. And a hundred words. Check. Not bad. You really have a knack for these short drabbles.
"Glenn pouted and drew his sword."
-Although, is pouting the right reaction to have. The word feels out of place considering the mood of the rest of the piece.
| Rosawyn chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
I am actually sort of kind of almost slightly familiar with Chrono Trigger, since I'm pretty sure at least one of my brothers played it. So I've heard these names, but I don't really know who they are or anything.
That said, I get the sense here that Magus and Glenn are both kind of childish. Magus is saying things "snappishly" and Glenn is "pouting." It's kind of terrifying that these people are using deadly weapons. O.O I'm not sure if that's what you intended, but that's certainly the sense I got. A couple of over-grown school-yard brats playing with things way beyond their maturity level.
The story seems to become a lot more serious, though, when Glenn sheaths his sword and states that killing Magus won't do any good. It's at that point that I as the reader realize that maybe he's not so childish after all. And it seems that Glenn's show of maturity is almost contagious. Magus is the sort of guy who turns people into frogs (lol?) and kills people, but Glenn's decision to *not* fight him clearly impresses him deeply.
And learning that Magus has killed Glenn's best friend makes Glenn's decision to forego revenge even more impressive.
I think perhaps the most powerful image in this is Magus bowing. I'm not even sure I can explain at all why I like it so much, but I really do.
It's interesting to see Magus go from saying Lavos is invincible in the first sentence to believing that together they can defeat Lavos in the last sentence. Is working together something he had never before considered? Or is it Glenn's ability to set his anger aside what has convinced Magus? I'm sure someone who's more familiar with Chrono Trigger canon would know the answer to this, but as an "outsider" the drabble is thought-provoking.
I enjoyed how you used both "sword" and "magic" here. :) I'm guessing they came naturally with the canon, but it's still pretty cool for me as the issuer of the challenge to see more than one of the prompts in an entry.
As far as the ideas go, I suppose an argument could me made that you have included all 5 (though perhaps "Betrayal" would be quite a stretch? or perhaps not, as I don't know the canon events that led to this), but "Love" (as in the love for a best friend) and "Hope" seem pretty clear. Together, they have hope of defeating a dangerous enemy that neither had a chance of defeating alone. I would also guess that, at least by the end of this, Magus regrets killing Cyrus, and it does seem that Glenn has forgiven Magus for doing so, at least to the degree where he doesn't want to get revenge on him.
Overall, quite an enjoyable drabble, even for someone nearly entirely ignorant of the canon. :)
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
Congrats on doing the challenge. I'm very impressed you were able to give us such an impact with in so few lines, but you've done well. From your other stories, I am a little familiar with your characters now, so I really like how you show their worry over defeating Lavos. I love how Magos and Glenn form a bond and vow to defeat Lavos together. Well done. :)