|Reviews for Other Voices: Space Trip Steps|
| Qwisse chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
Amazing how much can be said about a single game level and a following boss fight.
This story is very close to canon; so close that I find myself surprised I've considered some other stories canon before. Rings, sunglasses, and hint monitors are rare guests in stories. You know, I almost expected you to mention Omochao and tie the creature to the story, too... but you didn't. Oh well, you offered enough little things to savor as it is.
I liked how you placed the Artificial Chaos into the plot. Somehow you made Knuckles' thoughts believable. When I played the level, the creatures were a mere gameplay element, not worth thinking about how the Guardian would actually react on them; this oneshot changed that. Kudos for you.
I almost expected you to offer a solution, answer Knuckles' question about how Gerald might be connected to his past... well, maybe next time. Clever move, by the way; makes me more interested in your projects in general, not only this particular one.
When I saw the word 'ghosts' in the summary, I thought about ghosts from the mines and the mountains on the Earth. Kudos, again, this time for catching me off guard.
The way you made th echidna compare Rouge and Pachacamac stunned me. Totally unexpected, sudden, but when I though about it... Knuckles has never had a chance to meet crowds of people. Sonic and gang; Eggman; Shadow, Rouge; Tikal and her tribe - that's pretty much everyone he's happened to meet. It wouldn't be a surprise if he started drawing parallels between some of them.
A couple of issues made me halt, though. First, how come Knuckles knew Pachacamac's name? I don't think it was mentioned during the game; Tikal called his 'father' only. Second... I'm not sure I've heard anything about his wife.
[The promise he made at Wild Canyon- that she would either give up the Emeralds or die- was going to be fulfilled.]
Another pretty easter egg. Which makes me wonder: would you consider a 'I don't love you' line from the same song a serious argument against KnuxRouge?
There were two reasons for me to feel partially dissatisfied with the story: a bumpy final conversation; some oddities about the fight scene.
The first one was highlighted by Lord Kelvin already: it wouldn't hurt to tell more about Knuckles' decision to spare Rouge. The second is about editing. There are two large paragraphs that stand out, surrounded by slim ones. This is where typos appear: [Knuckles hands], [The bag-girl], [was to heavy], and pacing commas go missing: [The bat ran in his direction intent on getting vengeance]. To me, it's a signal that you became tired of your own story at the end; a dangerous condition.
Still, the beginning was rich with various stuff, enough to balance out a dodgy end. I should thank you for a memorable read.
| Dr Namgge chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
This is not a bad story, giving a surprising amount of death to what was previously an out-of-the-blue fight scene. It demonstrates Knuckles thought process, and what he has learned from various interactions.
But without question the best bit is the interaction with Knuckles and Robotnik set in the Launch Base Zone during Sonic 3. It's a real good, yet brief, insight into just what Robotnik endured in dealing with the Echidna, and really gives the guy a lot of characterisation in what is really a very small amount of words.
| Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
A mixed bag is the term I'd use to describe this one.
Lots of stuff happens. Most of it is intense and very detailed. Your attention to facts from the games is commendable. I took careful notice of how you've explained the useless tip monitors in the levels. Practical and imaginative. Expect readers to steal that.
My favourite part was the set of flashbacks with Eggman. Or Ee-voe as you could have called him. The inner workings of his planning as well as the interaction with Knuckles that is described only in the tiniest mentions gave me a clear and believable image of what it could have been. You filled in some blanks within my imagination, and that's awesome.
The present, being a rewrite of the game, as improvised as you may call it, left me yearning for additional value. When I read through a scene with a foregone conclusion, something you don't steer away from to be true to the world you write for, I expect a pearl or two that shows the author's personal touch. In the case of this story, some undocumented dialogue would have been dandy. Rouge's one-liners, if voiced out, would have given Knuckles' choices more weight. Why save an insolent thief who insults you again and again, and again? Even when threatened with death, she's still at it. You muted that possibility, but it is your choice.
Delving into his past and making ghosts appear also was your choice. This one I applaud you for. It kept me reading, actually. An asteroid is as interesting as the next asteroid, which is boring. Knuckles has a job to do and he is in peril, yes, but variety keeps the fickle readers moving in a chapter I'd consider quite demanding. You're great with hazard descriptions. Keeping the whole environment in my head was a challenge, though. The light intro helped pique my interest even if it sacrificed an opportunity to describe the whole environment from the start and rid me of confusion that followed.
Don't mind the segue. The only thing missing was the voices arguing with one another. Pachacamac and Eggman on the one side and Sonic with Tikal on the other. Knuckles's got a crowded head as it is.
Some wordy things I've noticed: you wrote 'Flickys' instead of 'Flickies', the plural. 'Pisten' should have been replaced by 'piston'. 'Defys gravity' vs 'defies gravity'. Astronomical issues with meteors turning into asteroids and back. I agree with planetoids and asteroids being there, but if they're not burning out in the atmosphere, they're not meteors. Also, magma vs lava. A 'magma filled' asteroid is almost fine (magma-filled; try hyphenating lime colored, too, and putting a comma before 'too'), but you can't call the molten rock on the surface magma. Lava is surface magma. The terms should not be interchangeable.
My biggest gripe in terms of tiny things was your manipulation of thoughts. No quotation marks are required, as you have done here: 'What a wretched fool, he reflected.' In other places, you put single quotes, add italics, or add italics and the marks. Make up your mind. I'm fine with you going against a standard if it's uniform.
Considering the above, thanks for providing the entertainment. Had the text printed, so it was a good half an hour of reflecting and making notes. The text looks heavier on paper than it is on the screen.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.