Reviews for Fifty Shades Brighter
truefeather77 chapter 21 . 6/16/2014
One of the problems I have with BDSM people, even bogus the way Christian practices it, is the way they corrupt and pervert language. Do what you want with someone's body, but don't fuck with her mind! Pain is not pleasure and pleasure is not pain. In terms of biology, evolution, and survival, they are very different things. Avoidance of pain is the cornerstone of survival.

When the mind is overstimulated through pain, it will sometimes play tricks and try to turn it into pleasure, and the ultimate manifestation of that is called Stockholm Syndrome. It's the mind's way of trying to save itself from shutting down, or breaking altogether, like poor little 15-year-old Christian.

Just because Ana is curious and eager to please, doesn't mean that she actually wants what he's into – she doesn't even know what it is yet, and that's what this weekend with her is supposed to be about – giving her frame of reference. Since this is her first time, she's more nervous and afraid, and more susceptible to being tricked. I'm sad that he can't hold his resolve even for one weekend. He's already working on turning her, the way Mrs. Robinson turned him.
truefeather77 chapter 20 . 6/16/2014
CH 20
I think a little more was needed in the sex scene, but I think if you had written it, and I knew it was a senior in high school writing it, I would've found it a little disturbing. ;) I am not a Mrs. Robinson.

I think the actual penetration of her barrier is kind of an important moment – to know what he's thinking as he experiences it, especially since he's beginning to realize that he was a virgin and was denied a tender experience like this.

But totally not necessary, cool and you did a great job! It was perfectly adequate as it is. Low and it's nice to see him still being honest and tender with her.
truefeather77 chapter 19 . 6/16/2014
Ch 19
Wonderful - I love that your Christian isn't sweeping her off her feet on the very first night, when she's nervous, dazzled, frightened, intimidated – she has a clear head in this, and she knows what she's doing.

And he's obviously made an effort to do something that's not only fair to her, but pleasing. He's gone to some trouble, he wants to make it lovely, and give her a fair idea of what she deserves. Beautiful!
truefeather77 chapter 18 . 6/16/2014
Oh, definitely, definitely look into screenwriting! I moved from NYC to LA, because I want to do the same thing, but from the standpoint of development. If you come out here, you have to look me up! You're a wonderful storyteller, and you were born for this.

I love that Christian just volunteered to help her move – I always thought it was so cold, in the books, that his brother was there helping and he wasn't. So why can he not send someone to an airport to pick up his sister?

And how can he expect her to let him hit her, when she's sore from moving lots of boxes, and has job interviews the next day? He was always so completely inconsiderate of everything about her, in the books. I'm glad you're departing from that here.
truefeather77 chapter 17 . 6/16/2014
Ch 17
Excellent chapter. I think we need to see the dynamic between Christian and Elena in order to understand him better, and I love that you're making us understand him better.

I also believe that Elena was lying – that she knew she gone too far when she violated his limits and disregarded his safe word, and was afraid of what might happen, so she came back with the lies about being sorry.
truefeather77 chapter 16 . 6/16/2014
Ch. 16
You should be writing all the time! You certainly do it very well, and it should be a big part of your life from now on. Or probably already has been, since you're so good at it.

I loathe the fact that Christian is going straight to Elena after hearing that Ana is a virgin – but it seems totally appropriate. Waiting with horror to find out what she makes of it. And if she offers to help, I think I'll puke!
truefeather77 chapter 14 . 6/16/2014
I like there being an insight into Christian's first experience with Elena. We need to see how truly she was and is a predator.

And what a sinister touch! To be doing this to him in his mother's own office. Presumably she was jealous at Grace's anniversary present, and she's doing this to show her contempt of the people who are supposedly her friends.

That's the part that always sickened me the most about her – she would seek out a child who had already been harmed and abused, because she can just poke all the old wounds, and break him completely. Hadn't he been through enough?
truefeather77 chapter 13 . 6/16/2014
Ch 13
I'm enjoying your story, and sorry that my reviews before must've appeared as "guest". I didn't realize I wasn't logged in. But you probably recognize them from my tone.

I love you giving us Christian's thoughts – it makes him so much more understandable. That's one thing that is not like the original story, and not like most romance stories – they don't make the hero a character, he's just a cardboard cutout. You make him very human, worthy of compassion,

With this chapter, though, I have to say I have the same problem is with the original – I don't understand why Ana would be considering this, especially so much sooner. I didn't even understand why she agreed in the books, even after a lot more of his subtle manipulation and she's experienced in the story.

But I love that you taking this in a different direction, I can't wait to see how it goes.
truefeather77 chapter 12 . 6/16/2014
Ch 12
Contrary to your doubts, this chapter turned out just perfect. All your changes seem to make things better. I love that your Ana has an inner balance so profound that she's able to ask this question at this moment. The perfect time, too, because Christian was caught off guard. Nicely done.
truefeather77 chapter 11 . 6/16/2014
Ch 11
Consistently excellent. I love the part about Christian feeling awkward because he never had to explain his expectations to someone who didn't already know.

About the A/N: I found your insight into Christian in the first couple of chapters not redundant and all – I thought yours was better and made me fear him less like him more.
Guest chapter 10 . 6/16/2014
Ch 10
Wow! What a perfect dynamic - I loved that you had Elena come down to Portland. That's perfect! The fact that Christian even let her, and did not bite her head off, indicates how totally he is still her submissive. I always thought as I read the books that his whole life since Elena was one long suspension scene - he got caught up in her toils, and had never fought his way free. The fact that he's running tame on a leash at her side, is her trophy for having broken him as a child – the reward of a successful pedophile. Well done.
chatterbox33 chapter 24 . 6/16/2014
nedbella chapter 24 . 6/16/2014
I have tears running down my cheeks. You write emotions so well I feel them. This story is getting better and better.
Guest chapter 9 . 6/16/2014
Ch 9
This was brilliant! It's so good to have Christian's POV for a change, and yours is better than any I've encountered. You make him appealing and vulnerable, *human*, and not as predatory. He's seeking healing without even being aware of it. I have one hope that he will flash back a little to what he felt as he lay there and watched an innocent sleeping deeply, unaware of the danger she was in.

Loved the part about him thinking that most first dates don't end in someone being afraid to even kiss goodbye, or first sleepovers, with one of them unconscious. Hilarious!

And his thought processes are a perfect mix of someone who's used to being in absolute control, but who now feels as self-conscious as a child.
Guest chapter 5 . 6/16/2014
Ch 5
Love the way you get into his head, and love the way you're making him a tad more forgivable and actually endearing.
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