|Reviews for Happy Valentine's Day|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/31
Ash x Sally is the grossest coupling I've ever heard of, next to Mina x Manic (I mean, come on! She's been with Sonic himself, his little brother, and now his twin brother?)
I honestly thought it was going to be Shadow or Silver.
I seriously respect how you admited to being a Sally hater previously, as well as a SonAmy brat. You were very mature about it and I applaud you
| catkittypoke chapter 1 . 10/6/2013
Lord Kelvin... Shut. The. F*ck. Up. Or. I. Will. Report. All. Your. Stories.
| Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
This one looks like it was churned out by a lawnmower.
In places. Open the story page and look at the text. Do you see how skeletal fragments are divided by single paragraphs of narrative? Those paragraphs are attached to speeches for some reason.
Check the start of the story. Why is the intro so harsh on the detail if the rest of the story offers bare bones dialogue? The start prepares the reader for what is to come further down the page. You set the expectations for description, but went for dialogue instead. Normally, this happens when an author has trouble beginning a story. Understandable. Be sure to avoid such signs in the future.
Looking at your dialogue, I see a lot of meaningless words. The only reason you added large dialogue tags was that you had too many characters at the same spot. It happened in the very middle of the story, and small talk occupied that spot. I'd expect something more interesting to happen mid-story. For example, twist number one in the drama presented by the genre list.
Too light to be rated T, in my opinion. The more mature the audience requirement, the higher their expectations are. You may have pulled it off, had you halved the cast and completely dumped all but the first instance of boring chatter. If Sally talks relationships, we want the memorable details.
What was memorable in this story? Make sure the text speaks for itself.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.