|Reviews for Regret, Void, Answers|
| ca99oline chapter 1 . 2/23/2013
You are the best!
Really, thanks for posting this story! Ted is one of my favourite characters.
Hope you could write more about Ted, Tir and Lazlo. )
| Wyvern Bob chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
Cerita yang.. KEREEEN BGT! menggambarkan perasaan Ted yang selalu menghindar dari Aldo (dan well, saya kira disini juga dijelasin di akhir2 kenapa Aldo mati, ternyata cuma Flashback dari Ted yang sudah lebih bisa mengontrol Soul Eaternya saat dia di sisi Mcdohl lol)
Mau rasanya bikin fanfic dengan bahasa inggris cuman masih belum pede (ToT)..
Selama ini, sejauh yang kutau.. Blom pernah baca fanfic yang mengisahkan tentang Ted saat dia di Dauntless. Padahal masa- masa berat Ted berada di situ, daripada dia sama Tir. Kenapa? Orang yang berusaha dekat sama Ted aja bisa mati kemakan soul eater (tp jangan salahkan Ted, Aldo emang rada annoying sih, memutuskan mengikuti kemana Ted pergi.. )
Bagus bgt Fate.. tipe2 cerita yang saya suka XD
| MagicMissile chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
Great story! Ted does remind me a lot about Lazlo but I never really thought about it until your fic. It's great to add that Ted finally got over his loneliness with Tir. And... Lazlo is so cool!
| Moonlight M3lody chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
I love this. Really.
Ted in IV and I is really different and I can see he's a little wary with the way Aldo tries to get close to him. I think you get Ted's voice real good. He's touched by Lazlo, eh? I'm saddened by the contrast of his cheerful appearance and fading lifeforce, but that's Lazlo for you. He sure has influenced Ted a lot. Too bad Aldo eventually suffered to the Rune's might, but at least he's Ted's first friend for years.
I wonder how Ted knew about the relationship between Lino and Lazlo.
Go check a doujinshi called 'category' over at ramsus-kun translation (can't provide link here)-it's a good one telling the bonds between Ted and Tir, which will fit with your omake's nuance.
Having Lazlo telling him the truth, that he's also as scared as Ted, and he's not the perfect calm person everyone always think he is, add a whole dimension to the story, making it sounds more 'real'.
Bonus for Viki. She can spice up any story with her 'specialty'. Too bad they forgot the blinking mirror. Back in Suikoden I, you can left the Blinking Mirror with someone else and it's a pain to get back all the way to the castle by yourself, especially if Viki blows you somewhere faraway.
It's not messed up. Well, I commend you for being able to improve in every story you write. Your usage of English keeps getting better. Here's a couple of things you might've missed. In fact, the first paragraphs are mostly good, so I think you were tired when doing the couple last paragraphs.
Why? I am no one for you- No one to you
his both arms-both of his arms
a simply chat-a simple chat
Started from his burnt village-starting from
That kind of person were Ted avoided for most.-That kind of person was what he avoided the most or the kind of person he avoided the most.
he frequently asking himself.-he frequently asked himself
their leader included captain-their leader and captain. Or their leader as well as captain. Include is used to 'add' something or someone, like 'I like the characters, including Juppo and Sarah.'
a live that you won't regret on it-A life you wouldn't regret.
Sorry, but what's the meaning of listlessly?
It's by no means a complete list, but you should already get the gist. I think your problem mainly lies in complex sentences consisting of adjective phrase or clause.
If you want beta reader, there's one who helped me several years ago. His username is Wyl. He's not familiar with Suikoden other than Tierkreis, but he's great with sentence structure and often gives constructive criticism.
Let's leave the serious business at that.
Hey, by the way, where's Aldo and Reinbach? I bet Aldo will lose his temper trying to put up with Reinbach a whole day long. This is the first time the omake isn't a joke, but I like the lighthearted exchange. Too bad the peaceful days don't last long.
| Julchen M. Liddell chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
Your English is really improving, I can tell! Keep up the good work!
I like all the scenes you added here, especially the waiter Lazlo. Something about him getting food for everyone seems really cute and in character for him. And then the little omake with Tir at the end :D
You're doing really well with writing, good job! Can't wait to read what you come out with next.
| Yami no Majou077 chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
Oh god this is freaking good! You really good in writing...i'm so jealous!:P
I do spot some odd sentences and minor mistake...but i'm not someone better than you though,i won't mind it . Even mine also got some mistakes.
Well you describe ted far more bettet than me. You should be the one who write more!
| Rie Mizuki chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
This is one of a piece of art. Amazing! The story and how you describe the emotion is really simply, but overwhelming. Such a neat one shot story. Write more please!